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the self-love archives
how talia’s legacy sparked a self-love journey through beauty & motherhood with mattia castellano
in this moving episode, mattia castellano opens up about the lasting impact of her sister talia, whose legacy in the beauty world lives on years after her passing. from navigating grief to stepping into motherhood, mattia shares how self-love has been her anchor through it all and how makeup, once talia’s dream, remains a powerful connection between them. this is a story of resilience, healing, and honoring where you come from while becoming who you are.
follow talia's legacy on instagram here
follow mattia's journey here
connect with julia on instagram @beautybyjulia + tik tok @juliasalvia
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how old would Talia be today? She would be 25. Wow. Turning 26 in August.
Julia Salvia:Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. Do you still connect with her, like still talk to her maybe like on a spiritual level, level or however you know, you might go about that?
Mattia Castellano:I talked her in my head. Okay. Mostly at night. Um, yeah. You know, at the end of the day. You know, when I'm, uh, thinking, overthinking in bed like most people do, um, yeah, I talk to her and I just tell her, you know, look over me and mom, and Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Julia Salvia:Do you think that she, now that she's not here today, she has an influence on how you take care of yourself and who you are and basically how you go about your day-to-day life?
Mattia Castellano:Oh yeah, definitely. Um. Throughout my whole life, I, I looked up to my sister because she, you know, she seemed like she had it all figured out. She had was a very old soul. Um, she always had wise sayings for people of all age and races and religions and, um, that's how she became so captivating on YouTube and captivated everybody's souls and, um. I look up to her even still today after she's passed and I, I just look back of, you know, how many lessons she taught me and still continues to teach me. And, um, yeah, I'm very grateful and thankful that God put her in my life to be. My sister.
Julia Salvia:Yeah. Yeah. And what was your favorite saying of hers? Like the one that sticks with you that always comes back?
Mattia Castellano:Um, obviously just keep swimming. That was the main one. Um, you know, I, I, when I'm in bed at night, I, I think to myself, just keep swimming. Like, life's hard. Yeah. Life's so hard. And, um, despite everything my sister was going through, uh, having two cancers and. Um, being told you had four months to a year to live, like she lived life to the fullest and she really did just keep swimming. So I hate when people complain and, um, I think to myself, like even, even when I start to complain a little bit, I'm like, I shouldn't be complaining because look what she went through. Yeah. And she lived life to the fullest and she just kept swimming. So that's why I tell myself like, stop complaining. Just keep swimming. And you know, life, life life is hard, but you can do it.
Julia Salvia:Yeah, it's like if you see someone that is just really having like a, you and you were right there, you were like the seat next to her, essentially right there. Watching her live the last, you know, couple of moments of her life in complete joy and living it to the best of her abilities is like such a, a strength. That you, I mean, how could you not take that with you? I know. And like every time you're like, ah, like, screw this person, like, on the road or, or this, that you're like, you think of her and you're like, no, it's, it's really all gonna be okay at the end of the day. Yeah. How are you today?
Mattia Castellano:I'm good. Um, like I said, life is hard. You know, everyone goes through something. Um, I miss her. Yeah. I miss my sister a lot. I think about her every day. It's not a day that I don't think about her. Mm-hmm. Um, me and my mom think, what would she be doing today? Yeah. You know, would she, she probably be in LA or something, you know, so had her own makeup line, um, helping people, obviously still helping people. And, um, she definitely influences how I live my life now. Yeah. So,
Julia Salvia:yeah. And she's still helping people today through Talia's legacy. Yes. Can you tell me a little bit more
Mattia Castellano:about Talia's legacy? So me and my mom started Talia's Legacy Children's Cancer Foundation in 2015. So it's been 10 years. That's crazy. Yes. So, um, Talia always wanted to help other children battling cancer. Mm-hmm. And she felt that why, how is this fair that children get cancer? She just. She, she couldn't wrap her head around it. Um, and she knew that there were no cures and, and nothing really out there in many, many years for children. Mm-hmm. And so me and my mom, after Talia passed away, we started gearing up to start the foundation and to continue Talia's legacy in helping other children battling cancer. So we started, uh, well, tally actually started a glam Morris program. Before she passed and she took 10 or 11 girls to the Mac makeup counter, and Mac opened before the mall opened. And just for these 11 girls to have makeovers and to pick out anything in the store that they wanted. Yeah. Um, to take home as far as makeup. So. Talia started, that's what she wanted to do. And so that's one of our main programs and we've been to over 25 children's hospitals in the country. And I know you joined us in Boston Children's Hospital. And, um, so you know a little bit about what we do. Yeah. And, um, so we just make it like a fun day for them to keep their mind off of what they're going through in the hospital. Chemo and
Julia Salvia:Yeah.
Mattia Castellano:Radiation and treatments and just have girl time with them and make up and make it feel like normal. Yes. You know what I mean? Yeah. Not
Julia Salvia:that like. I hate the, the connotation and like the definition of like normal, but make them feel like they're just, they're just being a girl. Exactly. You know what I mean? Yeah. Or being like a person enjoying something that they want to mm-hmm. Enjoy. Yeah. I think when I was there in boss at, uh, Boston Children's Hospital, like it was just so heartwarming to actually be like, just to help, just change what, like what someone's day looks like.
Mattia Castellano:Mm-hmm.
Julia Salvia:And. Even it, even with that little bit of, you know, joy and happiness. I, I think I was like holding back tears the whole time I was there. Of course, yeah. Of just like. Mm-hmm. Like just the, the warmth in my heart. I was like, I can't, yeah. Like, this is so good, but like I'm gonna cry. Like I need to step away. Like, this is so great. Like Yeah. It was just like a mix. Like I'm getting emotional thing. I know. Me too.
Mattia Castellano:You have to like hold it in for them.
Julia Salvia:Yeah.
Mattia Castellano:Yeah. So, but yeah. Yeah. It's, it's an incredible experience. Yeah. It's
Julia Salvia:an incredible thing that, that like you and your mom are doing and upholding Talia's legacy. Yeah. To. Bring that joy to all of these kids in, in, in this way. Thank you. Um, and give them a sense of normalcy. Yeah, exactly. That
Mattia Castellano:was the goal. Yeah, that's the goal. Talia, um, you know, uh, she wanted children to feel like they had someone. There for them. Yeah. And they were being heard and, um, they weren't forgotten. Yeah. That was one thing that she always said. She doesn't want anyone to ever feel like they're forgotten in the while they're going through cancer treatments. Yeah. Because, you know, she lost some friends or they wouldn't come see her in the hospital. So she, it was, it was nice. For her to start something that everyone felt included and we could go to the hospitals and cheer them up.
Julia Salvia:Yeah. Yeah. And I, and making that feel more like a home.'cause we're, we're doing our makeup. Usually in our home, right? Mm-hmm. We're making up, we're, we're putting our makeup on, getting dressed and all that. Mm-hmm. And we're doing that at home and I'm thinking, you know, this is a place that they're spending so much time in. Yeah. It's like their second home. Yeah. Bringing these things there, that feel to make the space more home, like mm-hmm. And more comfortable, I, I can't imagine, makes them feel so much more welcomed. Mm-hmm. And, and less alone too, knowing that, you know. There's other people, other kids there that are also getting their makeup done. Exactly. They have something to bond a bond about
Mattia Castellano:too. Yeah. Yeah. You
Julia Salvia:know?
Mattia Castellano:Yeah. It's fun. It's a fun girl time. And, um, we've done boys too. Yeah, yeah, of course. Um, but yeah, it's just, it is a, it is having a sense of, uh, community and, um, just keeping their mind off of what they're going through. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
Julia Salvia:Hello guys. Welcome back to the Self-Love Archives podcast. I'm your self-love bestie. My name is Julia and I have Mattia here with me. Hi everyone. Mattia and I met, um, oh my gosh, a really, really long time ago through, um, Ipsy. And through, uh, your Talia's legacy and, and glam wars and we Social media? Yeah, social media. We've known each other for a really long time and I'm super, super excited to have her here to tell us all about her self-love journey, um, and how her sister Talia has. Really influenced that and, and how you know who you are today. Yes. I'm
Mattia Castellano:excited
Julia Salvia:to be
Mattia Castellano:here. Thank
Julia Salvia:you for having me. Of course.
Mattia Castellano:Thanks for being here. Yes, thank you.
Julia Salvia:I know that we were just talking about Talia and how she influenced all of these, um, children at the children's hospitals where I came and, and did glam wars and how you guys continue mm-hmm. To uphold her legacy, doing glam wars and, and all that you give back to childhood cancer. Um. There's something about putting on makeup, right? And getting dressed up and, and doing our hair. Mm-hmm. That really helps us love ourselves. Yeah. More. Mm-hmm. Do you see that in like, the faces almost like in comparison to like. The, the, the child that you're doing like makeup on. Oh, yeah. And the difference that it makes when mm-hmm. You just make them feel more beautiful. Mm-hmm. With makeup or with getting dressed up.
Mattia Castellano:Oh, of course. Um, we just did, uh, two hospital proms, so hospitals put on proms because a lot of the, yeah. Children are immune compromised, so they can't attend their own. Proms in, uh, high school. So we just did, um, two hospital proms and, you know, we probably did around 20 girls. And just seeing them the, they're not, they're not used to, you know, they're used to sitting in the hospital bed Yeah. And, and getting chemo and their hair is falling out and they're honestly depressed. Yeah. I mean, it's not a good situation. And, um, just seeing them have like their own, um. They're having their hair done and their makeup and, and, and everything. So, um, seeing them, it's like a change in their face and then their whole aura changes, so, yeah. Yeah, it's, it's really incredible to see.
Julia Salvia:I love that. Yeah. And do you have something for you that helps you love yourself more? Is, is getting dressed up and like, putting makeup on part of that? Yeah. Obviously makeup. Yeah.
Mattia Castellano:I love doing my makeup. Yeah. Um, honestly, before Talia. Um, was diagnosed with cancer. I really didn't wear makeup. I really did. She influenced it? Definitely. Oh, oh yeah. Like even when I first started doing makeup, I was horrible at it. I was horrible. And
Julia Salvia:I look back at pictures and I'm like, Julia, yeah, me too.
Mattia Castellano:I'm like, oh yeah. Um. Talia, I obviously learned a lot from, she taught herself, she's self-taught. Yeah. And I, I'm self-taught too, but like Talia taught me Yeah. Basically. And I'm sure she taught millions of people around the world, you know, on YouTube. Yeah. So, oh, yeah. I'm very grateful for Talia getting me into makeup because Yeah. If it wasn't for her, I probably still wouldn't really be makeup, but yeah. Oh, I love, I love makeup. I love, um, you know, getting dressed up and,
Julia Salvia:mm-hmm. Yeah. I like, yeah. I always add, it's like. A lot of people look at it as this, um, like cliche or this, um, like, oh, you don't need makeup, and I'm like, mm-hmm. It's not about needing it. Mm-hmm. Or, you know, feeling like I need to cover something up. Yeah. It's really about how it makes you feel about yourself and like the creativity behind it. And I think that's such an important thing that people completely miss. Mm-hmm. When it comes to makeup and getting dressed up and doing our hair like. I feel like it's not, it doesn't need to be iterated, but like Yeah. It is not for anyone but ourselves. Exactly. Yeah. Like it's for us and US only. Mm-hmm. Um.
Mattia Castellano:And you said it perfectly. Yeah. It's
Julia Salvia:like, and it gets me so mad when you has, has anybody ever said to you, you're so pretty without makeup? Like you don't need to wear it? Oh, all the time. And you're like, I'm kind of offended
Mattia Castellano:all
Julia Salvia:you mean this work that the I just did on my face. Like, you don't like it. I,
Mattia Castellano:yeah. Yeah. It's not like I wear an excessive amount of makeup, like. Tally always said, you, you're accentuating what you already have to work with. You know, like if you wanna fill in your eyebrows a little bit, fill in your eyebrows a little bit. And especially with cancer patients, you know, they don't, most of them don't have hair, they don't have eyebrows or eyelashes, so they want to, you know, feel confident and, and, um. Have their features accentuated. Yeah. So, yeah.
Julia Salvia:And what a cool place to be in too, to create what you want to create. Like I know Talia would always like paint her her head too. Mm-hmm. And it's, I think, such a creative, inspiring place if you can allow for that creativity to come in. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And, um. Create the kind of eyebrow that like you would want. Yeah. Or, you know, put on the false lashes mm-hmm. That you wanna have or see like a different version of yourself. Mm-hmm. Um, I think that's something I always loved about makeup too. Like, I, especially coming from like a space of Halloween makeup, like I loved, I love that being Yeah. Like, I love being able to just completely like mm-hmm. Change my hair, like put on a wig and like. Do. Oh, I'm gonna be like really goth today. Yeah.
Mattia Castellano:You're very creative
Julia Salvia:back in the day and still are. Yeah. Thank you. Um, it's, it's, I love that like creativity and inspiration that like comes out of it and when we can have more creativity and inspiration beyond just makeup, we mm-hmm. You know, can learn a lot more about ourselves and learn what we like too. Yeah. It's self-expression. Exactly. Yeah.
Mattia Castellano:Talia's motto was, uh, makeup is my wig. Yeah. Because she did not like wearing wigs. Yeah. They were itchy and she honestly, she didn't feel like she was being herself because it was kind of something fake that she put on. And I get that a lot of, you know, people who are not, don't have hair, they wanna wear wigs and, and I understand that it just wasn't for her, of course. So she kind of used makeup as her outlet. Yeah. Yeah. So she loved drawing on her head and Yeah. And before she passed, she got into special effects makeup. Oh my gosh. Yes. Yeah. So she started learning that I'd say like the last year of her life. Mm-hmm. And she just loved doing like the scars. Yeah. And the blood. Yeah. And
Julia Salvia:yeah,
Mattia Castellano:she loved it.
Julia Salvia:It's really cool learning that too. And like watching, I, I mean, I'm not a scary movie person. I don't know if you are. I love scary movies. Oh my gosh. I can't. But when you watch them and there's any like blood or gore, do you be like. I know that's fake. I was like, they did a really good job.
Mattia Castellano:That sounded just like Tally is something she would say. Yeah. Yeah. She like,
Julia Salvia:that's fake. This is how they did it. This is what they used. Yeah.
Mattia Castellano:Yeah, yeah. Yeah. She, she loved it. She loved any form of beauty.
Julia Salvia:Yeah.
Mattia Castellano:Yeah.
Julia Salvia:How do you bring that beauty into your life? Because you're a mom now? I am a mom, yes.
Mattia Castellano:Um, he's basically three years old. Um, his name's Leo and Oh wow. Having, having him was, um. Going through the experience of being pregnant, and I know it's different for everyone. Mm-hmm. To me, my body was kind of in like a shock. Yeah. I, I know what to expect, but it's not until you're Yeah. Pregnant and going through it to where you're, you really are like, wow. You know what to
Julia Salvia:expect for you.
Mattia Castellano:Yes.'cause everyone's different. Yeah, exactly. And, um, I honestly, I was in a sh. A state of shock for probably like a year, a year and a half body-wise. Mm-hmm. Um, learning to love myself again. Yeah. Uh, emotions are everywhere and yeah. I mean, having, having a child is a blessing. Yeah. And, um. But you, it's a lot of, it's a lot of work within yourself, not only just being a mom, but within yourself and having to, to, um, go through all those emotions and, and loving yourself and your body again. Yeah.
Julia Salvia:It's, there's such, so much change. It's like, it's a lot of change, body change, mental change, emotional change. Yeah. And your day to day changes as well, because you had
Mattia Castellano:Yeah. Everything
Julia Salvia:somewhat to take care of.
Mattia Castellano:Yeah.
Julia Salvia:It was everything. And
Mattia Castellano:like I said, I was in a state of shock. It was like, yeah. Yeah. Um, a lot.
Julia Salvia:What do you think was the hardest thing in becoming a mom in regards to like your, like loving yourself and your self-love journey? I'm sure there were so many stages of it too. Bring me through those, that, those stages.
Mattia Castellano:Um, definitely learning to adjust how you live your life. You're not living for one person anymore, you're living for your child too. Yeah. So everything. That you think about, normally you're thinking about in a sense of what is best for your child, you know? Yeah. It's not just what's best for you anymore. Exactly. It's a total different mindset and thoughts process. Mm-hmm. So I think that was. That is definitely difficult. It's also an instinct. Mm-hmm. Your, um, your mother instinct mm-hmm. Kicks in and it's like, wow, I, I have this. Did it like switch? Was it like a switch? Yeah. All of a sudden? Yes. Oh my goodness. Yeah. Yeah. It's really weird. Really weird. Um, it's a journey. Yeah, definitely. Being a mom,
Julia Salvia:what do you do as a mom, like day to day that is for you? Because I'm really big on. Your cup has to be filled in order to give it to others. Oh, yeah. And really the only things that kind of come in the way of that, that are priority maybe before you, before you mm-hmm. Is pets and kids. Yeah. Like ba kids and babies. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Anyone else? Your cup needs to be full before you give it to anyone else. Yeah. Um, but I think it could be like, you know, halfway. Yeah, of course. Like how a lot of moms wake up before you know their babies, their kids wake up. Really just focusing on, on moms here 'cause you're a mom. Mm-hmm. But they usually wake up, you know, a couple hours so they can have that time to yourself. Yeah. What does that look like for you?
Mattia Castellano:Um, so I do not do the hour or two wake up before because I need my sleep. Yep. So I wake up like 6 45. Mm-hmm. Seven. It's just so early. Yeah. But some moms wake up at like. Five and do the like oh my goodness. Meditation and said, yeah, that's not me. I need to sleep. Yep. I look at it like I have to keep doing what I was doing before I got pregnant to keep myself in check and, and yeah, like some sorts, sort of normalcy and, and to keep myself sane. And, um, so I still go out with my friends when I can and when I have time and, um, I. Like to do little mini trips when I can. I sometimes bring my son, sometimes I don't. And just keeping some sort of normalcy that I had before I was a mom into my life. And your life does change, but it doesn't have to change super drastically. Yeah. You know, you don't have to, you. You're still you. Yeah. You're still you. And, and I know there's some people out there whose life revolves around their kids and that's okay. And um, if you want it to be that way, if you want it to be that way. Exactly. And I'm not saying my life doesn't revolve around my son. Yeah.'cause it does. But I still want to keep. Some sort of normalcy. So yeah, of course she'll do a lot of the same things. I I used to do
Julia Salvia:and you should.'cause you don't wanna lose like, the identity of like, who Mattia is, is, you know? Yeah. Like, you're not just a mom. Yeah. And you're not just a sister. Exactly. You don't, you know, and, and I think a, a lot of people might relate that to you now. Like, now that you are a mom, you're like, well, you're a mom. You are like, yeah, but I'm also, I'm also everything
Mattia Castellano:else too. Yeah. And did you
Julia Salvia:feel that when, um. With Talia, like when she passed, like do you feel like you were just Talia's sister?
Mattia Castellano:Yeah.
Julia Salvia:In the same way that you're just Leo's mom.
Mattia Castellano:Yeah. In, in a sense. Yeah. I think people put like, you know, labels on people or like, I think people
Julia Salvia:really like labels. Yeah.
Mattia Castellano:Like to think about people certain. Just like, oh, they're, they're, you know, just this one thing or something. So yeah, I did, I did feel like that. And that was always like, people would come up to me and they're like, uh, do you feel like you're living in Talia's shadow? Because, you know, Talia was the center of attention the whole time. Yeah. And that was her personality. And I am not as much like that. Yeah. She was a Leo and that's what she likes. And so I, and that's a Leo. Yeah. And, um, I just, I was fine with being in the background. Yeah. So that was, that's just my personality. Yeah. But, um, yeah, I was fine with Tally having the spotlight.
Julia Salvia:Yeah.
Mattia Castellano:And that's what, that's what she deserved too. Yeah. During the
Julia Salvia:time. Yeah. And so who is Mattia?
Mattia Castellano:Oh.
Julia Salvia:So if you are, how would you describe yourself? And we'll do like three words, like how would you describe who you are without describing who you are for Leo and who you. Were with Talia.
Mattia Castellano:Mm-hmm. Um, I think I'm very compassionate, very compassionate person. Mm-hmm. I feel everybody else's emotions and I always wanna make everybody else feel comfortable, whether I'm comfortable or not. Yeah. And that kind of, um, makes it seem like, oh, I put other people's feelings first above mine. And in a sense I kind of do. Yeah. I've always been like that. Um, so I guess compassionate, um. What else? What do you think about me, Julia? Um,
Julia Salvia:it's. I would say strength. You're very strong. Strong. Strong. Okay. Strong to be to, yeah. To be in this place that you're in today, Uhhuh. To be a mom, I think is a strength in and all in and of itself. Mm-hmm. Like that is a strength for sure. And to uphold a legacy of someone who you cared about so much, that is also a strength. Yeah. And to be sitting here today. Sharing that story and to be who you are without, and be mattia outside of, you know, being a mom mm-hmm. And being a sister. Mm-hmm. Like that is a strength. That's to still show up as you
Mattia Castellano:Yeah. It's hard.
Julia Salvia:Of course. Oh my gosh. Definitely is hard. Sweet. Of course. Sweet.
Mattia Castellano:Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. It's hard, I don't know, it's hard to describe because like, I still struggle with it too. Like, what do I love about myself? You know? I don't know. I think I've been through so much in my life that there's like always some kind of mental blocks. Yeah. Still going on,
Julia Salvia:so.
Mattia Castellano:Mm-hmm. It's kind of hard to
Julia Salvia:describe myself. They, you don't get like a moment to really like be. Just you. Yeah. Because there's so many other things that you are giving towards. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You said it, you
Mattia Castellano:said it right?
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Mattia Castellano:I love how I turned the question
Julia Salvia:around you. I know you turn, you're turning the question on me now. OIA is compassionate, strong. I mean, I told you beautiful, intelligent, yes. Thank you. The easy, the easiest things to take from you. Yeah. Where just taking that, knowing that you're very compassionate and strong, where do you see that taking you in, you know, your self-love journey? Because here we, I, I believe in as the self of archives, we're never gonna get to this place of loving ourselves because every day we wake up and we are different. Right. Mm-hmm. We go through so many different changes, um, in our bodies, in our minds, in our life, and we need to relearn how to love ourselves every single day. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's not like a, a point that we'll ever really get to. Mm-hmm. But we will, you know, wake up. Each day and, and hopefully know that we love ourselves more than we did yesterday, and, and realize how many things we've gone through and done and, and love ourselves through those changes that have happened. So kind of
Mattia Castellano:like you have
Julia Salvia:to remind yourself.
Mattia Castellano:Yeah. Right. Every, every
Julia Salvia:morning, every day you wake up. Yeah. To remind yourself. It's a choice.
Mattia Castellano:Yeah. It is a choice.
Julia Salvia:It's a choice to to know. You know, to learn more about who you are and to understand who you are and say, I'm choosing to love all of that. What are, what are things actually that you can do better to love yourself?
Mattia Castellano:Uh, definitely be more confident, I guess. Um. Because I know, I know. I am compassionate. I know I am strong. And I guess verbalizing it Yeah. To, to myself is the most important. But other to others too, you know, I could, I couldn't even think of it right now. Yeah. But, um, I think reminding myself that every morning. Like talking to myself in the mirror. I know that's like a thing, right? Yeah. You're supposed to say words of affirmation to yourself. Mm-hmm. I don't do that. I know sometimes like
Julia Salvia:it's, I know sometimes it's weird for people to like look at themselves in the mirror and be like, I love you, but it is gonna be weird. Mm-hmm. At first, and I think it's really important to actually hear it. And hear it be said. Yeah. Especially from you. But I think that if it is weird at first and it's maybe uncomfortable or there's a different mode of communication that works better for you, like recording yourself or recording a video of yourself or writing it down on paper or writing it down like in your notes. Yes. And committing to actually come back and look at it. Mm-hmm. Or come back and listen to it. Mm-hmm. I think also makes a difference too. Yeah. Because I know for me, I. Journaling is really helpful for me and my mode of journaling. That always sticks with me. That really helps me actually get the words, the words down, or whatever my thoughts are, that that actually helps me. Mm-hmm. If I write it on paper.
Mattia Castellano:Yeah. Same.
Julia Salvia:If I write it in my notes, it's more of just like a, a brain dump. But it doesn't help me in the way that it helps me to journal on paper.
Mattia Castellano:Okay. So you journal with a pen or pencil on paper? Yes. Okay. See, I'm, I put it in my notes on my phone. Yeah, do so you would recommend me? I do both. Yeah. Do Okay.
Julia Salvia:I do both. It, it's really whatever works for you. But I also do video journaling too. It's just, it depends on what it is. Okay. If I feel like I need to share a message with myself, I'll video it. Okay. Yeah. And sometimes I'll go back to it. Sometimes I will. I'll accidentally go back to it. And it's really helpful to see like where you've, where you've come from and, and what you were, yeah. What, what stage of life you were in in that moment. Mm-hmm. And to look back and be like, wow. Look who I was then and look who I am now. Mm-hmm. And look at the things that I might have been. Usually I'm very upset when I'm doing these video journals. I would be too, you're like bawling your eyes out, like on, on these video journals being like, and you're looking back and it's like, girl. Yeah. What are you crying for? Yeah. Everything's gonna be okay. Yeah. It's like it tell my mentality of like, just keep swimming. Yeah. Like you really like everything is gonna be okay.
Mattia Castellano:That's good advice though. Yeah. Yeah. So journaling and then video. Yeah. Recording. It's not gonna be seen by anyone, but it's for yourself to like get it out. Yeah,
Julia Salvia:exactly. And if, um, there's so many different modes of like, creativity that do that for us mm-hmm. That are self-expression, like makeup, um, and finding the time and making the time to do those often and do them in a way that. Is comfortable
Mattia Castellano:mm-hmm.
Julia Salvia:For you and, and makes you feel confident enough to do them.
Mattia Castellano:Mm-hmm.
Julia Salvia:And understanding of how you like to do them makes all the difference. Yeah. Like how I video journal when I need to share a message with myself or feel as though I'm talking to someone, I will journal by writing down when I feel a little bit more, um, poetic. Like, uh, I wanna write a letter to. And, and knowing that I'm never gonna send it to them, like a letter to someone that has upset me or a letter to, um, maybe a wider like audience of people. Mm-hmm. Like I'll actually like write it down. And I'll come back. That, that I usually come back to when I write it down. And not being so hard on yourself with what you're writing, just write. Yeah. Um, same thing with like a notes app or like in my phone, usually I am dating and I'm writing in my phone when or talk, I actually talk into my phone. I don't even write in it or type in it 'cause texting really annoys me. Mm-hmm. But, but I'll talk into it. Um, if I'm thinking of something on my walk that I don't wanna forget, or if there's something that I need to work through with myself that I don't wanna forget, it's all of these different modes of, um, basically like help mm-hmm. For you. Mm-hmm. To learn yourself. To understand yourself and to. Not feel overwhelmed. Yeah. Because I feel like our life can be so overwhelming and that can cloud our minds with actually deciding to choose who we are.'cause if we know who we are and we're making the room to know who we are, and we're getting everything that's like. Clouding our minds or everything that's just like filling up our heads. I always think of SpongeBob running around with all the files. Yeah. Like all the different SpongeBobs and they're throwing all the files around. Yeah. I always think of that like, if we're making the room to have, um, the ability to learn what all those files are, we can, you know, love ourselves more. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's true. Yeah. Yeah, so do that. It takes a lot of work. Yep, it does. It's a lot of self love work. It does, yeah. A lot of, a lot of choosing ourselves. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And I think it's kind of like how we need to fill up, up our cup in order to give to others. We need to choose ourselves in order to choose others. Yeah. Because if we are not. Whole, if we're not loving who we are, how can we give the truest and best form of ourselves to other people? How can we help other people? Others? Yeah. Even another great example of that is like on a plane, they always tell you to give your oxygen when, when the oxygen mask, God forbid, like come down. You need to give that to yourself first, because if you don't have oxygen to breathe, how are you gonna help the person next to you? Mm-hmm. How are you gonna help you know the person across from you? You can't. Because you are not breathing. That's true. It's very powerful. It is. That
Mattia Castellano:is very powerful. That's a good analogy. Yeah.
Julia Salvia:Thanks.
Mattia Castellano:Yeah. Very good.
Julia Salvia:Yeah. Um, so I'm coming out with a card deck. Yes. It's awesome. And I wanna ask you one of those questions. Okay. Thank you. Um, okay, so I've got my laptop here. Now the card deck has three different depths, and the idea of the depths is asking yourself, how deep do you wanna go with yourself today? So the questions essentially get a little bit deeper or harder. We have deep, deeper, and deepest. So how deep would you like to go today?
Mattia Castellano:Ooh. Deep, deeper, or deepest? We, let's do the middle. Okay. Deeper. Deeper? Yeah. Okay.
Julia Salvia:Now pick a number. There's 33 cards in each category for a total of 100 cards. So there's one card, a reflection card that you start and end the whole deck with. Okay? But we're gonna choose one card from the deeper category. Okay? There's 33 of them. So pick a number one through 33.
Mattia Castellano:Oh, mom, Sarah. Number is three. Let,
Julia Salvia:let's do 33.
Mattia Castellano:Let's do three. Okay. Three or 33. What do you think we should do?
Julia Salvia:Oh, that's you.
Mattia Castellano:Uh, let's do three.
Julia Salvia:Okay. In what ways? Have you lost parts of yourself trying to belong?
Mattia Castellano:Oh, wow. Mm-hmm. Um, this is a deep question, so I need to think about this. Mm-hmm. Um,
Julia Salvia:as you're thinking, one of the biggest things with this card deck is really to choose the answer that first. Comes to you. Okay. Of course, most of them are gonna stump you at first because they're all questions to stump you. Mm-hmm. They're all questions to really get you thinking. Yeah. To get you thinking, to bring out that, you know, that deeper part of you. Mm-hmm. And sometimes we might not know the actual answer to these questions. So one of the biggest things in the direction, so to speak, on how to actually use this card deck is to continue to ask yourself why. When you do find some sort of an answer. So if I tell you that I don't like lilies, well, why don't you like lilies? Well, I just, I don't, I don't like them. Mm-hmm. Well, why don't you like them? Mm-hmm. I don't like the smell of them. Okay. Why don't you like the smell of them? Well, it reminds me of funerals. Well, why does it remind you of funerals? Mm-hmm. Well, when I was really young, my, both my grand grandparents died a couple years apart from each other, but I was super young. I was like in my. Maybe like early, early teens, like around 10 ish. Mm-hmm. And all I really remembered from their wakes was the smell of lilies. And I didn't put that together until I was older and like, you know, people would buy me flowers and I'm like, they smell so bad. Mm-hmm. I'm like, I hate them. And then I finally like pinpointed that it was a lily that I didn't like because it was the smell of the lily. So now I love flowers. My whole brand is built on flowers. Yeah. But it's lilies that I don't, I love how they're beautiful, but I don't love the smell of lilies because of where it brings me back. So you see how you can ask such a simple question and then keep asking yourself why to, um, have yourself go deeper with who you are to really understand something about yourself. Even if it just is as simple as like, I don't, I don't like, I don't like lilies. Yeah. You know? Wow.
Mattia Castellano:Yeah. That brought you back Yeah. To your childhood. Yeah. A lot of. A lot of trauma and Yeah. Stems from childhood, so,
Julia Salvia:and they're not all gonna go as deep as that. Yeah. Some of them are gonna be a little bit more, um, surface level, so to speak, but they're meant, the questions are meant to have you go deeper, whether it's deep, deeper, or deepest with yourself. Um, in what ways have you lost parts of yourself trying to belong?
Mattia Castellano:I guess there's always that part of you that feels. Like, sometimes you're being fake in order to fit in, but you're not truly being like who you are. Yeah. And I, and I guess going back to what I said about, you know, I let Talia have the spotlight, you know, I, I didn't let her, that's just her personality and, and I was okay taking the back burner. Maybe there's not like a whole, like there's some truth in that, but maybe not as. S much as I, maybe I'm just used to saying it like that. Yeah. And maybe there's something deeper I need to dive into. Maybe I, I do let, like I said, I let other people's kind of feelings and go above, like I think of other people more than I think about myself. Like I think of, yeah, I want you to be okay rather than me to be okay.'cause I put others before me. Yeah. And I do that a lot and I know I do that and maybe, I don't know, I do that as much as I. Think I do and it ends up hurting me.
Julia Salvia:Yeah. And maybe there's like this a stage, so to speak, like, like a metaphor of a stage that you let people walk it or get onto onto it before you do. Yeah. And you're like, oh, you have something more important to say. Let me let you say that. Say what you have to say first and then I'll say mine. Yeah. But then you're in line to get onto that stage and you just keep letting people cut in front of you.
Mattia Castellano:Mm-hmm. And Yeah. You said it great. Yeah. And um, also, I know, like you said, you, you think I'm strong and I know that I am strong. Yeah. And maybe I think that I am stronger than those certain people, so I'm like, you can go yeah. Ahead. I'll put your emotions ahead.'cause I know you need it more than I do. Mm-hmm. And I don't, I, I just always thought like that. I don't know if it's just like who I am or like I, it is like a learn thing or I, I need to be less of that. I don't know. You just need to be
Julia Salvia:exactly who, who you are. But know that even though there might be people around you that are going through harder things, what you're going through matters to. Mm-hmm. Because there's always gonna be someone that's going through something better. Mm-hmm. Something worse. Mm-hmm. Something harder, something emotionally harder, physically harder. There's always someone that's gonna be going through something that. In someone's perspective might be harder or less hard than what you're going through. Yeah. So validating what you are going through and how you are feeling about something and also making sure to give yourself the spotlight to be able to say that and speak your truth, whatever it may be, is important too. Yeah. And not always letting people cut the line.
Mattia Castellano:Mm-hmm. Yeah, and I'm big on not being selfish. Like I, I think I'm one of the least selfish people in the world, but yeah. I know there's a lot of people that are selfish out there and that they need that kind of just to, they need to be selfish to just function, I guess, through life. And I'm just not like that. So I, I, I think that's one of the reasons why I put others before my feelings before.
Julia Salvia:But
Mattia Castellano:that doesn't make you selfish.
Julia Salvia:Yeah.
Mattia Castellano:No, no. It doesn't make me selfish. Yeah, it doesn't. I'm saying maybe I need to be a little bit more selfish.
Julia Salvia:Well, yeah, but I don't even think it's selfish. Uh, like putting yourself. First or making yourself a priority at all? Yeah, because I think, um, a lot of people, even like, I think they changed the definition of self-love in the dictionary.'cause it used to say like, conceited and like selfish and things like that. Oh wow. Really just caring about yourself. Mm-hmm. When in actuality, like, it kind of goes back to the whole thing. Well, if I don't care about me, then I can't care about you. Mm-hmm. So it's not selfish taking care of me. It's selfish when I constantly, you know. Only care about me and don't care about you, but you're compassionate. So that wouldn't be, you know, your compassionate person. That wouldn't even really be a thing.
Mattia Castellano:Yeah, no, I'm, you would
Julia Salvia:still care about other people's feelings or how something that you do makes you, makes them feel. Mm-hmm. I think that people who are not selfish, who are more selfless are the people who actually care what other people. You know how how something they would do would make other people feel. Yeah. But that doesn't mean that you have to not do it.
Mattia Castellano:Yeah.
Julia Salvia:That's me. You just described me. We figured out who you're today on the podcast. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's not selfish to care for you. Yeah. And I think that's something to, that's something so important that I hope a lot of people take. Yeah. I need to take, take, I need to take that away from hope. You take it this, take it away from this. Yes. I hope other people take it away from this. Like, it's not selfish to care for you, it's, it's self-love to care for you. Mm-hmm. I need to do more of that. Of course. Thanks for being here. I appreciate, thank you so much for
Mattia Castellano:having me. This was a lot of fun and I'm so glad. Yeah. I'm glad we got to talk on the first leg on the tour. Yeah. Glad we got to touch on a bunch of different. Subjects. Yeah, me
Julia Salvia:too. Thank you TI really appreciate you being here. It's Julia. Thank you. And, and thank you guys so much for tuning in to the podcast. Um, I'll see you next week or two weeks from now for the next episode on the Self of Archives of Podcast.
Mattia Castellano:Thank. Thank you. Bye
Julia Salvia:bye.
