the self-love archives
welcome to the archive. it's time to love yourself more.
the self-love archives
the unofficial bride + bridesmaid rulebook with my best friend + future bride @angdepalma
self-love meets wedding duties 💌 here’s how to show up for your friends and yourself.
whether you’re the maid of honor, a bridesmaid, or just deep in your wedding era- there’s a lot no one tells you. in this episode, i sit down with my best friend (and the bride!), @angdepalma to talk about the unspoken rules, the emotional labor, and how to show up for someone you love without losing yourself in the process.
connect with julia on instagram @beautybyjulia + tik tok @juliasalvia
unlock more archive content on instagram @theselflovearchive + tik tok @theselflovearchives
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My best friend is getting married this year. Like this is the year,
Angela De Palma:it's the year. It's
Julia Salvia:the year it's happening. And I am, uh, I'm, I'm far passing. Congratulations with congratulations. Oh, thank you. And it just gave me a thought, there's so much drama involved with weddings.
Angela De Palma:Oh, yeah.
Julia Salvia:So much that I felt like we needed to bring it to the podcast because there's just so much drama and I really think that we have to have this large amount of self-love for ourselves to one, get married to another human being.
Angela De Palma:Oh yes. To
Julia Salvia:tie ourselves legally to another human being, but to also deal with just this huge change in our lives that is really important to us. But it might not be important to some other people. And I,
Angela De Palma:I think it's gonna be a great conversation today. I'm extremely excited and I think that as a bridesmaid, I would also need to hear this if I were on the other side of the conversation. Mm-hmm. Because I've been bridesmaids. I will be a bridesmaid. So this is a good, a good starter combo to get the ball rolling.'cause I think it's a really taboo subject that people don't talk about.
Julia Salvia:No.
Angela De Palma:So I don't think
Julia Salvia:anybody set like the rules for No, but that's what we're
Angela De Palma:here for. Yeah,
Julia Salvia:that's exactly what we're here for. We're here to set the standards, set the rules for how you should be, like how things should go, what is the right way to do things, um, and how to really put yourself at the center. Because honestly, I'm gonna say it probably more times than I can count in this podcast, in this episode, like. Getting married is not about anything or anyone else other than you and the person you're getting married to.
Angela De Palma:Exactly.
Julia Salvia:And I think we've, over the past couple of years, it's, it has gone from this thing that's a really great event that brings together family and friends to now it just being completely dramatized.
Angela De Palma:A complete social obligation Yes. That everyone wants to run from. Yes. I hope I'm not alone in that. I don't think so. I don't wanna make people feel that way about my wedding either. Yeah. Because I know what it's like to be on the other side of that. Mm-hmm. And I don't wanna make people feel a certain way about my wedding. I want it to be fun. Yeah. But then I also want, I also want the things that brides want, but I don't wanna give obligations to people that. Are going to burden them so much so that they resent me or being in the wedding, or of course get angry at me. Like that's not what I'm,
Julia Salvia:yeah. Trying to do. You're just trying to marry someone you love. Yes. Legally bind to someone you love. Yes. And have all of the people that you love surrounding you while that happens and you hope that they also have a good time. Absolutely. Like it's really that simple. Absolutely. But we have some, uh uh, am I the assholes and just some thoughts and opinions of our own that really make a wedding a lot more than what we, I think as simple as we think a wedding should be. Mm-hmm. Welcome back to this Self-Love Archives podcast, and welcome to the New Space. If you're watching on YouTube or wherever else, you're visually seeing this, very proud of this. It took quite some time, so sorry. No, it looks beautiful. Thank you. I'm proud of you and excited. Thank you. I am a maid of honor for the first time, actually. Um, for my best friend, this is an, you've probably have met her before on our podcast episode, um, a couple of episodes back. And as you've already heard, we're here to talk about all things friends, all things, bridesmaids, maid of honors, and really set the tone and the vibe for what it should be in 2025, because I think everybody's got it twisted. Yeah, I, I don't think people really have any clue or any idea of what the, I guess like invisible book of like. What's the word I'm looking for? I'm
Angela De Palma:thinking of the fairy God parents Dow rules book. We need doting rules.
Julia Salvia:Doting rules, DA wedding rules. We're here to tell you what DA wedding rules are.
Angela De Palma:I need to Photoshop like a the Do rules book into Yes. Opening it like this.
Julia Salvia:So first things first, what are your like main concerns going into, actually even before we even get to that, what did, did anyone in your family friends circle anything you noticed change when you got engaged? Like, did anyone's attitudes, their vibe towards you? Like, did anyone get like more mean or like get a little nicer and you're like, huh, huh?
Angela De Palma:Yes. And I, everyone told me that that would happen. Mm-hmm. And when it actually happened, I was still in shock. There were, have definitely been some people in my life that are mm-hmm. A little bit more distant from me. Um, people that I've actually had to end friendships with because they couldn't understand the caliber of my relationship with my fiance, Matt. Yeah. And having to be a friend to someone, but a loyal person in a relationship. It was a very weird dynamic mm-hmm. That I can get into another time, but having to end a friendship over something like that, and people started, I don't know, just really acting a little bit like cautious, I guess, too. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, I, I don't wanna give anyone like, burdens or anything, so I feel like some people wanna be really, really involved. Other people are like taking a step back
Julia Salvia:from me. Yeah. It's almost like you're seeing everyone's expectations around you come out.
Angela De Palma:Absolutely.
Julia Salvia:Mm-hmm. Like the way, the way that they're acting. Is based on the expectations they do or do not want you to have on them.
Angela De Palma:Mm-hmm. A hundred percent.
Julia Salvia:And I think that's what, that's what comes out of everybody. They're like, oh, well, I'm gonna be extra nice 'cause I really wanna make sure I'm invited to the wedding.
Angela De Palma:Yes, exactly.
Julia Salvia:Or I'm gonna distance myself because I don't believe in marriage and I don't like your fiance and I want nothing to do with this. And I think you're an idiot.
Angela De Palma:Like, it's just, you know what's crazy is that some people do both.
Julia Salvia:No,
Angela De Palma:really. I've seen like, some particular people take a step back mm-hmm. And then realize what they've said, the same thing. Like, oh, I'm so happy for you, but X, Y, z you know that. I hate that. I've talked about that on a different podcast. I'm so happy
Julia Salvia:for you. I'm, I'm happy for you,
Angela De Palma:but actually this is how it affects my life. Like, nobody cares. S Okay. Nobody cares. I didn't realize
Julia Salvia:living my life affected your life in the way where you're I.
Angela De Palma:But then that same, that same persona. In the next breath, we'll say like, oh my God, I'm so excited. Like, where is the venue? Mm-hmm. What are your colors? What's the vibe? Mm-hmm. All these things. That was
Julia Salvia:definitely a me thing, and I definitely was like, what's your vibe? What are the colors? I'm so excited. But you
Angela De Palma:didn't do the first one. I'm saying it being like, fake that same person.
Julia Salvia:Oh, no, no, no. I genuinely want to know. No, I
Angela De Palma:know. I, I know that. No, I really wanted to know the same person who's then realized like, oh, I don't know if they realize on a conscious level, like, oh, maybe I was mean, or selfish. Yeah. But then they're like, okay, well, I didn't get what I wanted to begin with, so now I'm just gonna act really, really nice and hope that I'm invited to the wedding, or included in festivities, or whatever the case may be.
Julia Salvia:I just think that there's like a fine line between like, I don't know, I, I don't think that we're in the age of weddings where you're gonna have hundreds of. F hundreds of people at your wedding, right. If that's what you wanna do. Sure. Be my guest. I think, I think there's like a fine, uh, also a fine line of like who's paying for the wedding. Yes. But I still think at the same time, if there's someone that makes you uncomfortable, they shouldn't be there to begin with at all. Absolutely. And I don't think that there should be any strings attached if someone is going to contribute in any way, shape, or form to like your wedding or your festivities. Like I don't, I don't think there should be any strings attached. So I feel like that's a very hard, like, don't, don't give me anything that you are not okay with being used in the way that I would use it. Right. Like there should be no strings attached to any gift, to any payment or anything along those lines. But I
Angela De Palma:agree a hundred percent, but I think that mm-hmm. The people who do contribute will expect that,
Julia Salvia:oh yeah, I'm sure. So I'm not necessarily, I'm paying for it. So can I have these five people at the wedding?
Angela De Palma:Like,
Julia Salvia:ah, no, I've never met them a day in my life. Why would they be at the wedding?
Angela De Palma:We had to set ground rules where if we haven't met them, they're not invited to the wedding. Why
Julia Salvia:would they, doesn't, third,
Angela De Palma:fourth, fifth, seventh cousins that doesn't make invited Doesn't
Julia Salvia:any sense to me.
Angela De Palma:They're not invited. Like,
Julia Salvia:that doesn't make any sense to me on any, on any grounds. Like why would you have people at your wedding that you've never met before
Angela De Palma:and why would that person be offended if they weren't invited? If they've never met me either. Yeah. But they do get offended. I think it's a lot of the older gen, older generations. Yes. That will get offended. Yes.'cause of something like that. If somebody doesn't invite me, I'm like, thank God. Don't
Julia Salvia:invite me.
Angela De Palma:I don't, I don't
Julia Salvia:wanna go. Thanks so much. Appreciate it. Appreciate you not inviting me to your wedding.
Angela De Palma:Yes.'cause it, it creates an obligation when you don't really know the person. Of course. Like I wanna go to all of my friends'. Yeah. Weddings that I'm close with. I wanna go to my family's weddings that I'm close with. But somebody that I barely know or I met them once, or they're a friend of a friend, I would you say, no, don't invite me.
Julia Salvia:I would just say no. If you did, I, I don't know why you did, but I would just say no. Right, exactly. Because I think it's not appropriate. Don't you want people that wanna celebrate you at your wedding too? You would think And don't you want bridesmaids that will celebrate you at your wedding?
Angela De Palma:A thousand percent.
Julia Salvia:And that's where we get into like this whole bridesmaids maid of honor situation. Like I, my opinion, not that it's really asked for here, I will not be having bridesmaids or maid of honors at my wedding. There will be people that will be my friends that will like be there tech, if you wanna get technical. Sure. There may be like a bridesmaid or maid of honor, but like there's not gonna be anybody standing next to me at the wedding. Mm-hmm. There's not gonna be any obligations. I'm probably gonna be like, this is where we're going for the bachelorette. You come or you don't.
Angela De Palma:That's exactly what, I dunno. Yeah, I agree. Agree. I don't want any of the
Julia Salvia:stress or, or like any of like the, like I have my sister already asking me do I have no ring on my finger? Okay. She's like, so, um, not yet. She's like, am I gonna be your man of honor? I'm like, Victoria, I have a best friend and I have another sister.
Angela De Palma:Yeah.
Julia Salvia:So, no, no one's being the maid of honor, like I think I'm just in this situation where like, I'm not choosing between
Angela De Palma:of course
Julia Salvia:these people. Of course. I just, it's not, it's not. No. Like I get that. I like, I, I even said to her too, I was like, do do you wanna plan all the things? Yeah. No you don't. No you don't. You don't enjoy that. I enjoy that. So lemme just do it.
Angela De Palma:Right. Exactly. I think it makes sense. For you to wanna be the planner of everything. Yeah,
Julia Salvia:I, I mean, I like planning. Yes. I just, do you think that, and you're getting good at it. Thank you. Bloom 2025 coming soon. Um, do you think that like, in the ways that you chose your maid of honor, 'cause you have two, you, I'm a co-main of honor with your best friend from high school, right? Yes. Dominica. Yes. And did you go about like choosing a maid of honor, do you think people should go about choosing their maid of honor in a way that is strategic? My, my mind's like no, I would just choose someone. I want to be by my side. But I feel like a lot of people think it should be strategic.
Angela De Palma:That is a great question. I personally don't think it should be strategic. Mm-hmm. Like I would never have made someone the maid of honor, only because I think they have excellent planning skills. Yeah. Now I didn't have that problem'cause you're my best friend. Excellent planning skills, but. I don't think that it should be a fully strategic decision. I don't know if I would say strategic at all. Yeah, because that sounds like there's like motive behind it. Like, oh, I wanna have the best everything, so I'm gonna pick my friend that's the best planner. And you know, like I don't have any sisters, so it was easy for me. I felt like I got to pick who I wanted to. Yeah. And I truly couldn't decide because Dominica is my best friend. Mm-hmm. From high school. She's like the sister I never had. Mm-hmm. And now me and you met what, like four, five years ago? It's like five now. It's like five years ago going on five. And now you've also become that sister that I never had too. Mm-hmm. In a different way.'cause we live near each other and we see each other. Yeah. And or we see each other like every week or so. Mm-hmm. So I wanted like both of those, like beautiful, strong women next to me on that
Julia Salvia:day. Thanks so much. Of course. I think I agree. Like I don't, I, I think that a lot of people set expectations and I don't think that there should be. If you wanna set expectations, I think that they should be set, but I, I think too many people have like an expectation in their head that they believe, like, if you end up choosing your maid of honor, are you setting an expectation of where you think they would fit in to the equation? Or are you allowing them to kind of just set that expectation themselves? Because there are people that don't like planning. There are people that are not really into like the wedding festivities or they just have shit going on in their, in their life. So I, I feel like the bride always should set some sort of expectation if it's or not even expect, set an expectation. Just like communicate. Yes. I think that's, fuck the expectations, communicate, like, just talk to each other and, and actually have conversations about, uh, maybe about those expectations or about what, how involved you want them or lack thereof to be. Absolutely. Like, are you just naming, you're my maid of honor. These are my bridesmaids. Are you just naming those people because, hey, you're important and I want you as a close part of this special time in my life. I really have no, there's no obligations for you. I just, I just want you there.
Angela De Palma:I'm trying to do that as much as I possibly can. Mm-hmm. I think the only obligations will be things like the dress. Yeah. And like standing there. Like, I want the obligations. If there have to be obligations, which I unfortunately think that they are, do have to be some things. Yeah. If you're gonna commit to something. Yeah. But I want it to be the least stressful obligations possible. Mm-hmm. So like for you to buy a dress for a hundred or $200 is like a very low stakes mm-hmm. Obligation in my opinion. I feel like
Julia Salvia:that's assumed though. Like if someone makes you a bridesmaid, you're like, oh, well I gotta buy a dress.
Angela De Palma:Right. Exactly.
Julia Salvia:I don't know. That's, I think that's assumed. I don't know.
Angela De Palma:Yes. And I, the way that I personally went about it was I picked people that are in my life that I love, that I want by my side. Mm-hmm. And I don't wanna put an obligation on them. Like socially, financially. Yeah. Emotionally, physically, you know, and having a Bachelorette, which is a whole other discussion. Mm-hmm. I'm sure we'll get to it soon. The Bachelorette, I did not wanna be an obligation. I was even thinking about not having one because I felt so guilty. Because I know that people, I, I know that money's tight right now for everybody. Mm-hmm. You could be making lots and lots of money and I still feel like people are living paycheck to paycheck. Yeah. So I wanna be conscious of that. I would never force people to spend a bunch of money on me and say, if you don't go to the Bachelorette, then you're out of the wedding. Or I'm mad at you. I would never, ever say that to someone. And I mean that genuinely from the bottom of my heart. And I sent out, you saw the text that I sent out, I was like pouring my heart out. Mm-hmm. Basically saying, you guys are my people. I would never, ever force you to do something you wanna do. Yeah. So, you know, if like, you know, Denver is not your thing. You don't like Colorado, you don't wanna go. If you don't like traveling, hiking, getting on a plane, I No questions asked. You don't have to come.
Julia Salvia:I feel like that's the right way to go about it. Yeah. You know, because there are people that maybe it coincides with like a not great time in their life. Maybe they're gonna make it happen no matter what. But at the end of the day, like, these are people you want by your side. Mm-hmm. It's not, Hey, I want you to, you're not, you're obligated to do all of these things. Like, I think the most important thing, going back to what I said, like it's like communicating. Absolutely. I was in a really horrible financial place with the two weddings that I was in as a bridesmaid, and I was open and honest to both girls about it, and I love traveling. And something that's important to me and what I value in my friendships is actually showing up and being there. And that's not what everyone values. Some people value, um, you know, other things maybe a little bit higher. Maybe that's not how they show love. Mm-hmm. But to me, that's how I show love in my friendships and like my relationships with people. I show up, I'm there, I'll make it happen. I will literally smartly. Intelligently go into debt, like to be there. And I did, but I made it happen. But I let them know, like if there was something that I just physically could not like financially participate in, I, I wouldn't, I didn't. Um, one of my friends was kind enough to pay for my flight initially and I just sent her the money. Um, she wanted the United Points anyway. Yeah. Which I totally understand. I get it. We've all been there. But, um, I just paid her back for the flight, like as like as the bachelorette approached. Mm-hmm. So, um, and it's interesting 'cause both of those bachelorettes were literally like four months between each other. Like one was in my, I think August or July. No, I'm sorry. It was July. I'm pretty sure it was July. And then the other one was the beginning of October, like September, October.
Angela De Palma:And they're both trips where like you have to get on a plane.
Julia Salvia:No one was a plane. So one was Vegas and the other was, um, like Hamptons, long Island. Um, I forgot the actual town, but it's basically like So a
Angela De Palma:financial obligation though. Yeah. Things are expensive. I get it. Both
Julia Salvia:of them were like pricey. Um, I, I think, I don't think that they were as pricey as they could have been because the one in, I wanna say it was Green Point, long Island. That's what's coming to me. Um, I think that one was maybe totally like 600 to $800. Mm-hmm. Um, and I'm talking like with the restaurants and everything included. Yeah. And Vegas was more like 1200, maybe 14. And honestly. We got a really good deal for the, the Vegas one because we basically got the hotel room for free. We didn't have to pay for the hotel room at all.'cause she That's incredible. It's like a friend of a friend of a friend. Love it. So that was great. Um, but I, I was like, I'm gonna make it happen.'cause that's what what I value, but I don't think I would set what I value as an obligation to what other people value in their friendships. Maybe some, some people just don't like to go places.
Angela De Palma:Mm-hmm. I'm mind
Julia Salvia:blown by that, but I understand. Same here.
Angela De Palma:I
Julia Salvia:understand the
Angela De Palma:concept. Yeah. Do I relate? Not really, but I, I can understand the concept of that and I think that it's a classic case of miscommunication when you set expectations that you want mm-hmm. For somebody else. Yeah. And not think about how they show you that they love you. It's like a love language. Mm-hmm. Honestly, like if I, if my love languages physical touch, but my partners is. Words of affirmation, and I keep hugging him and mm-hmm. Kissing him and thinking that I'm showing him love. Mm-hmm. But he doesn't compute that as love. It's not, it's not gonna reach him. He's not. Right. Yeah. It won't reach him properly. And he'll say like, why doesn't she say that she loves me or something? Yeah. And I, I could be doing everything in my heart that I know is love for this person, and they could be doing everything. And if, if it doesn't align you, you're, you're literally not speaking the same language.
Julia Salvia:Yeah.
Angela De Palma:And if you're not taking, if I'm talking to an English, you're answering me in Spanish and neither one of us speak fluent, either one. Yeah. And
Julia Salvia:if, and if you're not taking a step back to like, understand who your friends are, then are you really friends? Yeah, that's a great point. Are you really friends if you're not taking the time to actually understand who this is, because I know when we were talking about like planning your bachelorette and everything, you kind of already had an idea of who would be a definite yes. Because you know, they love travel. Like the only reason why they would say no is maybe if something like coincided with like the dates that was, I don't know, another family member's wedding or something like that. And that's not something that you would be angry at because like, what can you do? You know? Exactly.
Angela De Palma:And I know people have to work. It's not easy to get PTO days. Some people don't have PTO, they'd be losing money if they ca so Yeah, either way it's like I understand the stakes that people have. Yeah. In the, you know, and I don't wanna, I don't wanna pressure them.
Julia Salvia:Yeah, it's like, it's kind of this balance between, I really want you to be a part of this in whatever way, whatever your capacity is, but I don't want you to hold a grudge against me or resent anything that you say yes to. Like I think it's really important to understand, and I don't think that it's ever really asked, but I think it's really important to understand when you accept the role as a bridesmaid or a maid of honor, that you understand maybe what those expectations or obligations are. And I don't think people think about that. I think they're just like, oh my God, yes. Thank you so much. Yeah. They just don't think about it.
Angela De Palma:I've actually had to say no be to being a bridesmaid before when I was younger, when I was like a teenager.
Julia Salvia:Really?
Angela De Palma:Yeah.
Julia Salvia:Why? Why'd you say no?
Angela De Palma:So it was somebody that I really didn't know very well. Mm-hmm. And I feel bad because I really like this person, but. It. First of all, the wedding dates coincided with a family wedding that I had. So that was kind of the main reason I had to say no. But I was also not in a position. I was maybe like, I don't know, 18 or 19. I really was not in a financial position to do it. Yeah. Like I'm coming out of high school, going into college. At that point, I don't have solid,
Julia Salvia:I would be asking my mom, like my, my parents be like, Hey, can I was asked to be a bridesmaid? Can I have money? Right. Like, I dunno,
Angela De Palma:like I'm
Julia Salvia:a
Angela De Palma:very prideful person too much at times where I could never ask my par even if I was a teenager, I always had a my own job and I felt like I could not ask them. And not that they wouldn't give it to me, 'cause I know that they would. Mm-hmm. And I almost feel like that's why I couldn't ask. Yeah. And it was a weird thing, but like, I don't know, between me, myself, and I, and like I have to work for it. I have to do what I have to do. Mm-hmm. So much so that I've had multiple jobs at once. Like in college, I had. Literally five jobs at one time. I don't know how I did this, but I had two, two internships. Um, I was a freelance writer, Uhhuh. I worked at the gym and I worked at a restaurant.
Julia Salvia:Oh my God. At the same time.
Angela De Palma:How so? I, and went to class full-time, went like, uh, was a full-time student, is what I mean. Oh my goodness. So that was my entire senior year of college, which was absolutely insane. But that's just an example of how I felt like I could not ask someone for help. Yeah. To be a bridesmaid for someone that I didn't really know.
Julia Salvia:Do you think that it's an obligation on the bride to have people as your bridesmaids that maybe you're not really close with? Kind of like that situation where you were asked to be a bridesmaid with someone you're not close with?
Angela De Palma:I think there are unfortunate obligations mm-hmm. For brides to pick the bridesmaids like that. When it comes to family. Mm-hmm. I think when it specifically comes to the other person's family Yeah. That you might not be that close with. Mm-hmm. But you want to include them. Yeah. I'm very fortunate. I did not have that problem because I love my fiance's family, but I feel like there, I have seen people struggle with, well, should I include his sisters? Or, I don't really want to, or they've had too many sisters. Like, I know somebody who is like one of nine or something crazy like that, and they're like, yeah, we're not having bridal parties because how could I, how could I possibly have all their, there'd be no room left for my own siblings and my own friends. I literally went
Julia Salvia:to a wedding where there were like 15 bridesmaids and groomsmen. That's a lot. It was so crazy. Like they were coming off the sides.
Angela De Palma:It was just like, and that I feel like too much can look messy like in pictures. I already, I, I have eight. And Matt has eight, and so I'm happy that they're even. Mm-hmm. But I also think that's kind of a lot of people. Mm-hmm. You know, I wouldn't go, I don't think I would've gone past eight. Don't,
Julia Salvia:don't hesitate to allow us all to sit down and while you're getting married. Wait, I'm okay with that. That is
Angela De Palma:something I didn't realize that you'll be standing the whole time. When I was a bridesmaid, I was standing there, I'm like, oh, my back hurts. Like I'm in these heels that I didn't break in. Mm-hmm. That I, you know. Mm-hmm. I was younger and I'm like, yeah, this everything brand new for the wedding. I was so uncomfortable and I did not, it did not compute in my mind how long the ceremony would be and how long I would be simply standing there. Oh. And then crying. I didn't realize that would happen either. And there's
Julia Salvia:like every camera on you, because you're also up where the bride is. Mm-hmm. Whose has all the cameras on them and like, here you are tearing or. Um, Nick was actually a groomsman for one of his best friends, and he, the sun was directly in their face, so the whole time all the groomsmen Oh my God. Were like, like squinting their eyes. It
Angela De Palma:was funny. Yeah. That, that is something to consider too. Mm-hmm. And especially, we're having a beach ceremony, so it's gonna be beautiful though. I'm
Julia Salvia:excited. I am really excited. I, I think it's, it will be beautiful. It's gonna, it's gonna come together. And speaking of coming together, bridesmaids dresses, what are your thoughts? I think there are some people that are so strong about having every bridesmaid where the exact same thing in the exact same color in, and it's just, and, and like I, I was in one, the dress was $350. Oh yeah. And I was nervous. The dress was not gonna look good on me because I'm like, I, this is not normally a dress I would pick out, but I was just like. It's what it is. Um, I have trouble personally, people telling me what to wear. I get it. So I think, um, I think a lot of people are all in like, I don't know. Let's say, let's say I dyed my hair blue. Would you be concerned? I think you would. You could. You're saying it,
Angela De Palma:I'm picturing you with like long blue hair, like a cartoon charact doesn't look great. Cartoon character. Yeah. It kind of does. No, I, I would be concerned, but I think at the end of the day I would be like, well, that, if that was very characteristic of your personality, of course, but if I'm dying my hair
Julia Salvia:blue, you're gonna be like, are you okay? Yeah.
Angela De Palma:Do you need to see a therapist? But if, but if that was like. Something that you do, I'd be like, oh, that's Julia. And I love her for it, for it, but if that's not characteristic of your usual habits, I would be like, something is very wrong. I'd be like, I don't, I don't think that her hair should be blue.
Julia Salvia:You're out of the wedding. I think it's important that, like you said, if it was in character for me or for someone like one of your friends, one of your bridesmaids that you know to change their color of, of their hair or to do something crazy, I just feel like your, that's an expectation this person already set for you. They've, you've already known this about, you know, this friend of yours or whomever it is. Mm-hmm. You already know this. Mm-hmm. So by asking them to be a bridesmaid, you are saying, I want you as you in my wedding because I want you. You mm-hmm. By my side, not some altered version of you to fit my aesthetic.
Angela De Palma:Correct.
Julia Salvia:Right. Because
Angela De Palma:I wouldn't want, I don't know, I wouldn't, I wouldn't want something altered, particularly for my wedding. Yeah. Like that. And I would never tell people like, you can't do this. You can't get a tattoo. You can't that because it will show on your arm or something. Like, I would never just take pictures separate. I'd be, that's my, that's my BFF with tats. I don't care. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I think there's,
Julia Salvia:there's people too that get mad, mad at like their friends or people getting, uh, pregnant. Oh yeah.
Angela De Palma:Mm-hmm. Yeah. I've seen that before. And I wouldn't, I would not be mad. That's their life decision. Yeah. Who are you, like, just because I'm getting married, who are you to say. You cannot start your life with a child right now.
Julia Salvia:You cannot, like, it's just, it's like having a wedding. You cannot do like run a play by play of your life with someone like parallel to someone else. Like even, even your significant other, like everybody's gonna do, everybody's gonna choose what they want to do. And I think for me, if someone like, and I think about it too, because I know that there's so many of my friends, I think everybody is already, like, everybody's basically getting married. Like, and I'm not so, at least not yet. Yeah. But like, I'm just like thinking in my head, if I am, and this is obviously just a random scenario, but if I get married last, like everybody's gonna be onto the next quote unquote step. Of like having kids. And it's not that I would be upset if anyone was pregnant during like this window of all of my like wedding festivities, so to speak. I would be upset if they couldn't attend when they would normally be like, want to Yes. Because of, you know, not being able to fly or, you know, it just being too much or their pregnancy is difficult or any of, like, I would just be upset that I, I feel like it would be like more, more grieving. Like it would be just a grieving process. Like you would, you would be
Angela De Palma:sad, but not necessarily mad at the person. No, I wouldn't hold it against them. Like, right, right. Yeah, it'd be sad. Like, I really wish that they were here. I wish that, I wish that they could come, I wish that they could participate.
Julia Salvia:Mm-hmm. But, and I think that's what it is at the end of the day. I think that when a bride gets angry. At a bridesmaid for not participating in the way they would've liked. I think that it comes off as, um, inconsiderate and rude, but I think that the root of that is that they're just upset that they're not able to, that they're not able to or not spending the time with them.
Angela De Palma:I do agree, but I wish that some of these brides had the emotional intelligence to tell and communicate that to their friends and family. Yes, because. If I say, you know, I'm, I'm sorry, Julia, I can't make it to Italy for your wedding. Like, I'm, I'm third trimester, that's
Julia Salvia:making me upset, not pregnant. And that's not happening. That's, I would pay, like I, that's the kind of person I am. I'm like, you, you don't have money here. I need, you know,
Angela De Palma:like, you know what? I can't. And you just said like, you know what? I'm so upset. I'm so mad. That's ridiculous. Yeah. That's crazy. But like, that was, you were just like sad inside. Yeah. The way I would perceive that is like, oh my God, she's mad that I am starting a family. But yeah. The way that you meant it was, I'm so disappointed that my best friend won't be there. Yeah. I wish that people could just say that. I wish people could. There's been so many Communicate. Yes. The communication aspect is huge, and it's not, it's not a true form of communication if. You are saying something and it is perceived wrong. Yeah. And the other person doesn't understand. Yeah. And vice versa.
Julia Salvia:I think it's, it's incredibly important to be self-aware. Mm-hmm. But it needs to be both sides. The bridesmaids being self-aware and the maid of honor being self or maid of honor the bride. All the above. Being self-aware. Absolutely. I wanna get to a couple, am I the assholes? Because I think some of these are good. I can't wait for this or you're not. But I wanna summarize where, like, what we think about this whole situation. So number one, you're choosing people to stand by your side. Like you're not choosing strategically. You're choosing people that you genuinely value and want by your side at an important time in your life,
Angela De Palma:right? Not people that you wanna exploit their skills because they're good at planning or they're an exciting, fun person and you just want that like party energy or something like that. It's, you should love them because. You should want them there because you love them either way. Mm-hmm. So somebody, somebody that's important in your life that you actually value for everything that they are not what you want them to be or perceive them to be.
Julia Salvia:Exactly. Completely agree. And there's not any necessary, like I I, I think that expectations and obligations, while there may be some expectation based off of kind of like who you know your friend to be, I think that it still needs to be re communicated, especially when it comes to such a big event like this. And especially because there's no rule book that exists for these things. And I think the expectation many moons ago was that, you know, the bridesmaids are paying for this, they're doing that, they're doing this, but, and the maid of honor is doing X, Y, and Z, but it's not like that anymore. I think we're, it's a little different now. So expectations and obligations should be shared and communicated?
Angela De Palma:Absolutely, yes.
Julia Salvia:So I found most of these. Am I the assholes on a New Jersey Bride group on Facebook?
Angela De Palma:Everybody should join it. Even You're not a bride. Join it. There's so many
Julia Salvia:people in this group, like I can't even imagine. And the entertainment
Angela De Palma:on there is unmatched. If you're board, scroll through that. Mm-hmm.
Julia Salvia:And if I am sharing your mi the asshole on this group, please let me know. Um, is it possible to not have drama in your bridal party? I am so frustrated right now. This is going to be a long rant. One, my maid of honor is driving me nuts. She keeps telling me every time someone is not contributing or taking part in things, knowing it upsets me. Two, my maid of honor and my mother don't see eye to eye. I gave my maid of honor specific instructions not to include my mother in the bachelorette and to not bring it up in any group chat with her. Not that I have a close relationship with my mom, but it'll change the dynamic. Yeah. Well, she sent the group chat about the bridal shower and the batch party, and then started a new one with the bridesmaids for the batch party. A family member who is a bridesmaid told my mom all the details and my mom was like, why don't I know that? Is there a separate group? So my mom thought she was invited and she wasn't. Number three, more than half of my bridal party isn't contributing to anything besides their dress, hair, and makeup. They basically said they can't attend the shower or bachelorette, so they are not contributing to something they can't be at. So I have nine bridesmaids and three are paying the bulk of everything. Mind you, I asked my girls two years in advance and gave the expectations and basically said it is financially a lot. So if you cannot afford it, I understand, but it's not fair to take credit for stuff as the quote unquote bridal party and not contribute to anything leading up about to cancel having a bridal party and ran. SOS send help.
Angela De Palma:Well, my jaw is on the floor. Yeah. That they had the, the kicker was that they had two years to prepare for this. Mm-hmm. They knew for two years that they'd be in this girl's wedding. Mm-hmm. And it seems like no one is showing up. So. This, this woman, you are not the asshole. Your bridesmaids mm-hmm. Are the assholes.
Julia Salvia:Wow. 100%. And I don't, I honestly don't think that her maid of honor is necessarily the asshole either. I think, no, I think she wants to help. It seems like she needs help. I think she needs help.
Angela De Palma:She needs help. I think she wants to be, at least just from this story, what I'm getting from it is she's over involved and taking mm-hmm. Control of things almost too much. Mm-hmm. And doing too much and not Okay. She's doing things too much of what she thinks the bride might want. Mm-hmm. And not heeding the bride's advice. Yeah. I think, and not following her, the bride's wishes, not just advice. Yeah. Literally just not following what she's asked, what the bride has asked this maid of honor to do. Mm-hmm. Like going against that completely. Somewhat related to that story. I have a question for you. Oh, no. Do, do you think parents should be invited to bachelor and bachelorette parties? No.
Julia Salvia:I, you know what, I take that back. Not a, no, I think it depends on the parent because it, you have sp you have parents that are really the life of the party that are fun. That really would add to a bachelorette party that, you know, it's the parent that isn't judgy is that knows your friends. Like, you know what I mean? But I do think that it, I will lean more towards, no, I think this is a time to spend with your friends. And the bridal shower is more of like. I agree. The time you get to spend with like your mom, the, the aunties, the older, you know, the older generation, I don't know. Yeah. I, I think that it's a mix of both. Like if it fits and it makes sense, sure. But I, under no obligation do I think a mother should expect to be invited to a bachelor party.
Angela De Palma:Okay. That's what I was getting at the expectation. Should it be like to invite the parents of, of either no. The bride or the groomer or the two people getting married? No, I also agree with you. Mm-hmm. I think that having a parent there can change the dynamic. Oh yeah. And also what do you think about people inviting somebody who is not in the wedding party?
Julia Salvia:I think that's fine. It's a bachelor
Angela De Palma:bachelorette.
Julia Salvia:I, I think that's fine. Um, and I feel like I've seen a lot of people do it before because I think there are people who are different kinds of friends in your life, and there are the people that you want standing by your side as like a bridesmaid. And then you have these friends who are more. You know, I don't know. They're either like you're going out friends, or maybe they're the friends that you travel with. I think that there's a place for everyone. Do I think that maybe they'd be offended? I don't, I don't know. I would hope not. I don't know. Whenever I think of like someone's bridal party, like, I would hope that you chose the people you want standing next to you because they're a significant part of your life, right? And there are people that are still, you know, significant parts of your life that maybe, I don't know, maybe you got really close with a coworker, but they're not a significant part of your life in the way that these other, like eight people are. Right? Have your coworker at your, at your bachelorette party, you know what I mean? Or have your coworker at your, at your bridal shower, because you started to become close with them, but not close enough to say. Hey, I want you in my, you know, as a bridesmaid.
Angela De Palma:Yeah.
Julia Salvia:I think there's definitely like situations for either, but I think for that one too, not as much of a no as a mom at a bachelor party, but I would still lean more towards like not the
Angela De Palma:expectation if you're just friends with someone to be invited.
Julia Salvia:Yeah.
Angela De Palma:To their bachelor, bachelorette. Yeah.
Julia Salvia:Got it. Yeah. 100%. 100%. And I think, I think this poor, this poor girl, I think there's just like, so you've got nine bridesmaids, which I, I think is a lot, but like at the same time, only three of them are kind of contributing. And the way that I read it, I hope these other six people don't think that they're still doing anything. Like they're still coming to the bachelorette party, but someone else is paying it for it. I don't, I hope not. That's completely absurd. I hope not
Angela De Palma:also. Yeah. And I can't believe that the majority, I think that. Well, okay, I'll finish my thought first. I can't believe the majority of the bridesmaids are not participating. That's completely unacceptable and it makes me wanna ask the bride this question, are these people really your friends? I was. Why say that? Why you them to be in your, you know, not, not in an accusatory way. Yeah. But like why literally, genuinely, why did you pick these people to be in your bridal party? Because they're not showing up for you. Yeah. You said before that you would make it happen, even when you felt like you were not in a financial position Yeah. To make things happen. You still flew across the country to go to Vegas for your friend. Mm-hmm. You still made it out to the Hamptons, and you didn't necessarily have the means to at that exact moment in time. Mm-hmm. These people had two years. And they knew the expectation. Yeah. And it sounds like, it sounds like months
Julia Salvia:not even
Angela De Palma:and it sounds like Yeah. And, and that's impressive, honestly. Uh, even if I had all the money in the world, just to have like months to mm-hmm. You know, I don't know, three months maybe to plan like that's, that's too close. Yeah. For comfort, you know, for a trip like that. But them having so much time, I wanna know why the bride picked these people and I wanna know where they stand today. If this is your story, I want to know. Yeah. You don't have to tell me who you could come in anonymously. I just want to know where do you stand with these six people today? They are showing you your true, their true colors, so mm-hmm. When somebody shows you who they are, you should listen to them 100%.
Julia Salvia:The next one mm-hmm. Says, Ugh, I need to vent. I'm a maid of honor. My bride has six other girls. I am literally doing every single thing, and I know it's the maid of honor's job, but trying to get any response from them is like pulling teeth. I'm also planning my own wedding and I'm drowning. At what point do I bring it up to the bride? Oh boy. Mm-hmm. Well, first off, I don't think that it's just the maid of honors job to put everything together. I think that it's a, a group job.
Angela De Palma:I agree. And I
Julia Salvia:think at minimum it's your job to answer and to communicate.
Angela De Palma:Correct. I'm always gonna
Julia Salvia:put that on a pedestal.
Angela De Palma:That should be the expectation. A thousand percent. I think it's the maid of honor's job to begin facilitating. Mm-hmm. Maybe you start the group chat. Yeah. Maybe you start the conversation. But it is everyone's res responsibility to participate and respond. Yeah. I, I'm. Another speechless one. They have six. Six other people are not contributing anything. Not even responding.
Julia Salvia:Yeah. I, I know life gets busy, but maybe this is a privilege. Maybe this is me coming outta left field, but I really do think that it takes five seconds to send a text. Absolutely. Even if it's just to say, I'm so sorry, I have a really busy week. I'll get back to you next week.
Angela De Palma:Exactly. Just, just acknowledge it. It's not that hard. I feel like sending the emails in a corporate environment when it's like acknowledging receipt and like that's,
Julia Salvia:you know, as per my previous email. Right. Except for this, as per my previous text in the group chat, per my last text answer, please answer. Answer.
Angela De Palma:I just want people to acknowledge that they've received the message. If it's something like. Important. Be like, you know what, let me get back to you. Yeah. I don't know. Give it, give a thumbs up. Anything thumb. Yeah, exactly. Give a thumbs up. I'm not even asking for a response I'm asking for. That's less
Julia Salvia:than 30 seconds. That's like two seconds or thumb's down then
Angela De Palma:I don't know how you feel. Yeah. Whatever. Whatever
Julia Salvia:you want. I mean, I set up a Google form. I was like, this is perfect. Let's get all this information. Let me know where your head's at. Yeah. And that's, that's it. Perfect. Done. Amazing. That's perfect. Maybe that's like super type A. But
Angela De Palma:No, I think that it's, it gets the job done. I think it gets the job done. And I think it's efficient. It
Julia Salvia:leaves no questions. Exactly because I think, I think the biggest thing is running around trying to communicate with so many different people when at the end of the day, like, you know, everybody has their, their lives and everybody has their own things going on. I think at the very least, communicating is important. Mm-hmm. But also, at the very least, I, I think any maid of honor trying to like plan anything, please take advantage of like. A survey. Absolutely. As silly as it sounds and as type A and dramatic. It's so helpful.
Angela De Palma:No, I, I agree with you. I want to address the part where she says, at what point do I ask for help or bring it up or whatever. Oh, she should have brought it up
Julia Salvia:already.
Angela De Palma:Yeah. I think it's that point. Yeah. And I think she should bring it up, but I think if it were me in that situation, I would be worried to upset the bride.
Julia Salvia:And I wouldn wouldn't of course.'cause that is upsetting that, oh, here, here are all these people that are supposed to care about me and they're not even responding to, to the person trying to do, you know, to plan this. Not just for me, but for all of us.
Angela De Palma:Exactly. And then I think if that maid of honor does tell the bride, I think it is the bride's responsibility to reach out to everyone. Mm-hmm. And say, please participate. Yeah. You know, so and so is facilitating all of these conversations. Everyone's expected to participate. Yeah. If you can no longer participate, please let me know. You don't have to be a bridesmaid. Yeah. Like you don't, you're here willingly. I was hoping that you wanna participate and be with me. Mm-hmm. On my special day. If you don't or if you can't, yeah. Just tell me. Yeah. Again, with the communication, it's just, that's what it goes back to, because otherwise I ghosting the maid of honor when you're a bridesmaid is not right.
Julia Salvia:Mm-hmm.
Angela De Palma:That's so terrible.
Julia Salvia:It's, I'm heartbroken. I had to lose one of my bridesmaids. I never thought I'd be that person, that girl that has the bridesmaid drama. I never imagined how you could lose bridesmaids. This girl was one of my best friends. She would've been one of my maid of honors if she didn't live in Michigan over the past last couple of months she was slacking, barely talking, being a crummy friend. My wedding is in August. She still hadn't gotten her dress. I kept asking her and she wasn't getting it. She said She can't come to my bridal shower. I understand because of the cost of the flight. Yesterday she told me she's not sure she could come to my bachelorette in Savannah, even though we have already booked the Airbnb, not the flight yet. She chose to take voluntary college courses, not even for a degree, and signed up for courses that were on weekends. She said she's not sure if she can miss them, and it turned into a big thing. It's a really long story, but I had to kick her out. It wasn't fair to the other bridesmaids. I believe she already men mentally checked out of the bridal party. I'm really sad and now I'll have an uneven amount of guys versus girls. I think you guys understand my pain.
Angela De Palma:Oh, that's rough.
Julia Salvia:Yeah, but I think she's right. I think she tripped out. I don't think she wanted to be a part of this at all.
Angela De Palma:I agree. Because she wouldn't have taken voluntary courses that are not toward a particular degree that she needed at the time. Yeah. I felt like it was grasping at straws for an excuse. Mm-hmm. That's an expensive excuse girl. You should just told her you don't wanna be in it. I know.
Julia Salvia:Pay for college credits instead. I think at like one point there's, you know, not worrying about, as we said, like you're on your own path to whatever you wanna do in your life. Yep. And maybe this was a difficult decision for her bridesmaid to make, to be able to, to like wanna take those college courses, but it seemed, I don't know, it seemed kind of like out of left field. Like if she wants to take my words. Exactly. I was thinking, yeah. Like if she wants to take voluntary college courses Sure. Not a problem. Like, I could see the little like, jab from the bride, like mm-hmm. Not even for a college degree, but like Right, right. But I do, I feel that way too though. Yeah. I'd
Angela De Palma:be like, you're shitting me right now. Yeah. Are you getting like,
Julia Salvia:but, but you couldn't show up for one thing.
Angela De Palma:Right.
Julia Salvia:Or anything at all. And I, I almost feel like maybe this, because she lived so far away, maybe this was a situation where I, I have a couple theories. She was sad she wasn't made a maid of honor based on the fact that she lived far away, because I don't think really living far away has much to do with it. Like I still think you could show up. Is it a little bit more difficult? Yeah. But are we choosing strategically or are we choosing because this person deserved that spot?
Angela De Palma:Right.
Julia Salvia:And to me, this comes off, this person deserved that spot. But you chose strategically as the bride. But so maybe she's a little resentful about that and like, just was like, okay, well then I don't wanna be a part of it at all. And I think that's, I mean, that's sad. Like if you didn't choose me to be a maid of honor, I think I would've been really sad. But I. At the same time, I, I would've been like, no. It's, there's so many other people in her, her life that are important. I'm glad you did that to her. Well, of course. Well, I know I'm the best, no, I'm just kidding. But like, I, you know, I think there's just some, some kind of understanding and at the end of the day, like you don't know why people genuinely like why someone chooses who they choose. Right. Unless they're literally telling you honestly why they did. And I think that, I think the bride didn't choose correctly, or at least from what I'm gathering, but I also think that it's wrong that the bridesmaid completely checked out. You're not gonna do the bridal shower, you're not gonna do the bachelorette. And not even that. You're not gonna do those.'cause we get it. You live far away. It's expensive. It's a lot to commit to, but you're not gonna communicate. Right. Communicate. That's the theme I was thinking the whole time should have called my podcast. The, the self-love communication skills.
Angela De Palma:Yeah, exactly.
Julia Salvia:Because it's so important.
Angela De Palma:Absolutely. I was thinking that the whole time, all these stories that you're reading, I'm like, this is a failure to communicate. Mm-hmm. What you really need or want or are thinking about the situation. Yeah, and I do agree with you. I think that the bride chose in a little bit more of a strategic way, which I understand why. Again, with the distance, it, it is kind of hard, but at the same time, if I were that bride, I probably would have said, I want you to be a maid of honor. I understand if the distance is too much and you wanna just to be a, a bridesmaid and don't wanna take on that responsibility of maid of honor, or if you can't participate at all, I will understand. And but just so you know, like I love you the same no matter what. I think that
Julia Salvia:would've been such a great thing to say.
Angela De Palma:And then. If that, you know, then the, the girl in Michigan was, it would have the opportunity to say, you know what? I would have loved to be your maid of honor, but I can't really commit right now. Yeah. But I will a thousand percent be a bridesmaid. Yeah. Or she could have been the maid of honor, or she could have been honest and said, you know what, I don't think I can do this at all, but I'll be at the wedding 'cause I love you. Yeah. Perfectly said. I justly said thank you. I don't understand why it couldn't be. That way.
Julia Salvia:Yep. It just seems that's really frustrating and it seems like a lot of things that happen with like bridesmaids and maid of honors and just people that are there to support you in general. Friends, family doesn't matter, like it seems like the core problem is lack of communication or bad communication or just assumptions, which we know. What assumptions do they make an asset of you, you know, Uhhuh
Angela De Palma:outta you and me. It kind of begs the question for me, like why people are not communicating these things. Are they scared that the relationship will be altered in some way? Mm-hmm. Are they scared they'll upset the bride or the maid of honor or the bride's maid? Are they embarrassed to say that? Are they embarrassed to ask that? Like I don't, I wanna know what the communication issue is. Yeah. Or are people just not really emotionally intelligent enough to do that? Maybe that's it. Also good. That's, I dunno why I asked a question. That's it.
Julia Salvia:Also a good point. I, I just, I do think that people are emotionally intelligent, but we're always in this very ego place mm-hmm. Of, and I'm talking not just like I, I, I, we're just, we're partially thinking about us ourselves because we, we all are very self-oriented, but at the same time, I think that we're making up. Scenarios in our head. Mm-hmm. Out of fear. Like, we're not communicating based off of like what we think someone is going to respond back to us, or we are afraid that, you know, it's going to alter the friendship. You know what I mean? But it's, it's kind of like those situations, maybe this is a horrible analogy, but it's kind of like those situations where there's um, like two friends that end up, like one really likes the other person and like wants it to be more than friends. And there's kind of this, you know, this difficulty with, you know, you're either gonna communicate your feelings and alter that friendship forever, or you're going to be quiet and still alter that friendship forever.
Angela De Palma:I think that so, so which
Julia Salvia:one are you gonna choose?
Angela De Palma:I think that that was a good analogy. Thank you. Thanks so much. I think so, because either way you're losing out. Yeah. You're potentially losing out based on the other person's response if you do communicate your feelings. Yeah. Yeah. But it really works the same. Type of way in a different way. Mm-hmm. With that, like if you are like, I'll take the, the Michigan and bride situation mm-hmm. Like, Michigan girl didn't even have the opportunity to say, I wanna be that maid of honor or not. Yeah. And it, she kind of loses out either way.'cause she's like, well she, this bride didn't pick me. Yeah. And then I, maybe, maybe she would've said yes. Mm-hmm. Had she been picked. Yeah. Or maybe she was like very, very offended. Yeah. That, and that's another thing, picking people in your wedding party mm-hmm. And made of honor or groomsmen or whoever, and people getting offended that they're not in it. Do
Julia Salvia:you think that anyone got offended?
Angela De Palma:I think that if I was still close with one particular person mm-hmm. That they would've been highly offended. Mm-hmm. And I would, and had I been close with this person still, I would not have included them because they're very self-centered. And I, and and I, and I loved this person for who they were and I understood that. But every single time that we have done any like trips together or gone out together, anything, it was always, there was always drama. It was always some kind of situation and it was all about them, boy, and how they felt. It was very boy crazy. And look, I'm, I've had my moments. I'm not gonna sit here and act hypocritical, like I haven't been there'cause I totally have. But now having been in a loving relationship, like going on five years in a healthy, loving, committed, and loyal relationship, I didn't relate to this person anymore that did not experience that and could not understand Yeah. Why I couldn't go out and party and be the wing woman anymore. Yeah. And that was hard for me. And I missed this person of course, because we were close. And I just
Julia Salvia:don't, but dynamics change, dynamics much like relationships, much change. And you either, you either grow with each other or you don't grow with each other. And sometimes it's the latter and maybe you come back to certain friendships and maybe you grow out of certain friendships. Like I had, um, a couple of friends, like in college, like my high school friends, like we really did not talk much in college. But now that college is over, like I, we talk like pretty consistently, you know? So I think that it's either you are growing together and understanding who each of you are as you grow, or, or not
Angela De Palma:exactly.
Julia Salvia:I really think that, like I said, weddings and all the parties that surround it, they are big obligations. They're obligations for the bride, they're obligations for the groom, they're obligations for the family, the friends, all the above. But I think most importantly, I. Beyond the obligation aspect. It's a time to celebrate these two people getting married and going into this new part of their life. And I don't think there's any expectations attached to it, except that like, if you're my friend, I mean, yeah, I do have expectations of, of like as someone, as you know, as their friend or as your friend to support you, but in any way that is in your capacity. Mm-hmm. And I just think that the bridal shower, it's about the bride, the bachelorette party, it's about the bride, the wedding. It's about the bride and groom. Like, I just think that that's where it ends. And I, I can totally see like the kindness from some people wanting, like for you, you want to make sure everybody's happy, but at the end of the day, you are not going to make everybody happy even if you tried. Right. But all that to say, I, I just really think that it's a time to celebrate. The couple. Absolutely. And just celebrate your, your friend. Uh, as I said, you're not, you're not going to make everybody happy, so I feel like you should just prioritize yourself as a bride to make yourself happy. You know, have that little, like, you know, keep everybody else in mind. Like if you know it's out of the capacity of like your friends and your family to have a bachelorette in, I don't know, Europe for example. You can still do whatever you want, but know that maybe everybody would not be able to come.
Angela De Palma:Right.
Julia Salvia:And maybe you'd be taking a solo trip. Yeah. It just depends on like who those people are. Or maybe you wanna still do that and you're like, no, I'll take care of the house for everybody. Everybody just has to cover their plane flights. And honestly, in that case, sign me up. Time me up. Same.'cause that flight's gonna cost less than it would if you did a bachelor run in the United States, but
Angela De Palma:Right.
Julia Salvia:It's like those, those like little things like still do what you want as the bride and choose to do things in the way that you want to do them as. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having
Angela De Palma:me. I feel
Julia Salvia:like we could have talked for the rest of the night.
Angela De Palma:Oh, absolutely. We definitely,
Julia Salvia:we definitely did. This was a long one, but I think this was a good one. Absolutely. This really just went over the expectations of, you know, being a friend to another friend, like when they're getting married or at this time in their life and not everybody's gonna go through that time in their life, but I think that those that choose to just want really supportive people by their side. And I think it's important that we have some sort of rule book, so to speak. Or some sort of rules archive Yeah, exactly. To go, to go off of for like, for these times in our lives. Because at the end of the day, we want to have fun. Yes. And just support the people that we love.
Angela De Palma:And I want the people that I love to support me back as I support them. Yeah, of course. You know, course. So just having that supportive environment. Mm-hmm. But not putting unnecessary obligations and being forceful about it and manipulative about it that I don't agree with. Mm-hmm. But having some kind of structure and then having people by your side that will like heed that structure. Yeah. Is important.
Julia Salvia:For sure. I love you.
Angela De Palma:I love you Julia. Thanks. We're gonna go having me.
Julia Salvia:Thank you. We're gonna go bake cookies now. I can't wait. See you next week or the week after that.
