thriving in your 30s: 5 realizations that changed everything

is 30 the age in your head where you think you need to have it all figured out? the age where you need to have this + be happy with that?

30 is just a number (so is 22, 46, 50, 67, etc)- and i know you've heard this before, but let me really prove it to you in this episode. + a bunch more realizations you need to hear to easily love yourself more exactly where you're at.

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Transcript

Julia Salvia: 0:00

Is this thing on? Millennials channeling their inner Britney Spears. Is this thing on? Time is a mental construct. And being 30, now 31, doesn't really make a difference, right? I was 30 48 hours ago. At the time of filming this, I am technically still 30. Not 31 just yet. But time is a mental construct. Someone one day said. You know, I think we should make a clock and make the arms go around so it can tell us what time of day it is. And, and we should make a calendar where there's a month called February, and the month after that is March. And maybe we should have a December somewhere in there. And there's 365 days in a year, but some of those days, I think some of those years we need to do it. 366 days. Someone made this up one day. Let that sink in. Someone made up the months, the time, the day. Someone decided, and everyone collectively agreed, to this chaotic thing that we call time. And said, yeah, I think a day should be 24 hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You agree? Yeah? Okay, great. One day. 24 hours. And then everybody just started paying attention to this Gregorian calendar. I think that's what it's called. So time is truly a mental construct. But then, if time is a mental construct, if time is this thing that we just made up one day, then why do we put so much weight? into how old we are. There are these significant years of our life that we put so much significance around. 16, 21, 30, 40, 50, 60, so on and so forth. We put so much weight into these moments when, in actuality, five minutes ago you were 29 and now you're 30. You're not any different just because you turned a different number. Sure, some things scientifically make sense with time. But if we really take a second to understand and realize just how ridiculous time is, maybe we wouldn't put so much weight. on every single moment of our lives. Maybe we wouldn't put so much weight in our thirties on our biological clock. Maybe we wouldn't put so much weight on ourselves when we turn fifty and we feel like we're, well, we're halfway to a hundred. Maybe we wouldn't put so much weight on ourselves on 21 as the age that we finally get to have a legal sip of alcohol. And maybe we wouldn't put so much weight on having the biggest party ever when we turn 16. See, if we take time out of it and just looked at this point in our lives for what it is today, we can have an understanding of who we are and what our time looks like, what our journey looks like, what our clock looks like. There is no comparing it to anyone else. Just because society makes you believe that you're supposed to have something at a certain time does not mean that you're supposed to have something at a certain time just because they said so. I am past, officially past, as you're listening to this episode, the 30 point. In my journey of life on this earth, and I am officially 31. At the time of filming this, I am still 30, but at the time you are listening to this, I am officially 31, and I just celebrated my 31st birthday. And to say that I changed a lot in the past year is not an understatement. I think, and I believe that we can go through so much change in a year. A year is a pretty long time. But what I'm about to share with you in today's episode Are realizations and lessons that I learned in my first year in my 30s that I think anyone can take from this episode. Whether you are in your 20s, your teens, your 50s, doesn't matter. I think these realizations are so They're incredibly important and they might just be right in front of your face. Welcome back to the Self Love Archives podcast. My name is Julia Salvia and I am your self love bestie. Welcome back or welcome to your safe space. This is the podcast where we talk about self love and there are so many things that encompass self love. Of relationships, of challenges, of learning, of growing, of really getting to understand who we are in a deep way. And that's what we're here to do. I am officially 31 and spent my first year in my 30s. Now, does that really mean munch? Munch? Does it? Does that really mean much at the end of the day? No. Not really. But a year is a long time, whether we are 30 to 31, 50 to 51, 25 to 26, a year is such a long time. And sometimes we can make such amazing breakthroughs in a year. And I want to share my five lessons, five realizations that I learned in my first year of my 30s. If you are on a biological time clock, or if you think you're on some sort of biological time clock, I think you're gonna love this first one. You do not have to have it all figured out. But Julia, I'm, I'm, I'm 30 now, I'm 31 now, I, I need to have this figured out, like, Time is slipping away. I'm getting old. My biological time clock, my, my job, my this, I need to have this all figured out. Says who? Says who? Who said that by 30, you needed to have your dream job, your dream house, your dream partner, your dream life? Who said that by 30, That by any age, that you needed to have these things somehow on a checklist, just checked off. Yep, got it, perfect, amazing. We have our body of our dreams, we have the partner of our dreams. Who said that? Who said that 30 was like the end all be all? That if you didn't have this figured out now, you weren't ever going to figure it out. See, the catch is, we're constantly changing, and so are the people around us, and so is the world around us. So to think that at any given moment we would have everything figured out? Partially ignorant. Partially a little silly. I mean, yes, go you. I hope that one day I can stand here and confidently say, yeah, I have it all fucking figured out. Do I potentially look like I have it all figured out? Yeah, probably. Yeah, but that's, that is an assumption that other people make. Because they also don't have it all figured out. And I think it'd be silly to think that anyone has it all figured out. Especially with how much change we go through in our lives. Each day, each month, each year. You don't have to have it all figured out. And it's okay if you don't. You have the time. You have the capability. Yeah, life is short, but life is also long. And it'd be a shame for you to rush through just to figure it out when the journey that you're on the journey in your career that you're on, for example, is too long. Why wouldn't you want to enjoy that journey to get to where you want to be? Because I think that if we rush things sometimes just to figure it out, that we almost get farther away from figuring it out when we aren't honest with where we're at in order to get to where we want to be. There's no imaginary book that tells you at a certain point in your life. Which is so different and so unique from other people, by the way. I don't know why you would think that there would be one specific time. And I think 30 is that specific time that most people have in their head that they need certain things figured out. That by 30 they need to basically have their entire life figured out. Because 30 and beyond all becomes like one whole blur together. But that's not true. And I don't know who started that rumor, but we need to have a chat. Okay, we need to have a chat. But Julia, my biological clock, your biological clock what? You need to have kids right now, right this second because you think you're behind? Let me tell you a personal story, and this one is This one is a rough and a sad personal story, and maybe it doesn't fit the parameters of what we're really talking about here, but it gets to the nitty gritty of where we don't need to be rushing. Because when we're rushing, it seems as though we're paying attention to everyone else around us, who we think have it figured out, and they don't. So I had a really tough beginning of my teens, if you will. I met a guy who was with my, with me, was kind of my boyfriend for about two years and this relationship was point blank, illegal, not something that I should have been, someone I should have been in a relationship with. Um, when I left this relationship, extremely damaged emotionally, physically, all the above, I left this relationship when I was 16. And I thought that everyone around me at 16 had been, they're already in relationships, they're already in this place where they've grown up. And I thought I was well behind. I thought that I was still a kid, still a baby. I hadn't experienced things that I should have experienced already. So I set up a date and asked someone to take my virginity because I thought I was behind. And I partially wanted this to happen because I wanted to kind of take back my power in a way to be able to say that that's genuinely when I lost my virginity and unfortunately that's not true. But in that moment there were, there were two parts to it. Me taking back control to kind of cover up something that had happened in that relationship that I was embarrassed of. But also To put myself in a position where I was quote unquote caught up with everyone around me. And looking back at that now, being twice my, twice my age at this point, how silly that I took away time that I could have had to learn more about myself, to understand myself more. And, rather than rush for something to happen because I thought I was behind. And I think the same thing happens to us in other parts of our lives. We rush into a relationship because we think, oh god, I'm, I'm 26, how, how have I never had a boyfriend before? Or shoot, I'm, I'm 30, how, I haven't purchased a house yet? We put so much weight on these moments in time when we're missing the whole point of living in this life, and that's to enjoy the time that we have, to enjoy the journey, to get to somewhere where we want to be. I think having goals and aspirations is so great, but whenever you get to them, whenever you hit them, you're not behind. You're not late. And you're not early. You're right on time. The next one. This is my favorite. You know when you just do something for yourself during the day, you go out and get your favorite cup of coffee, and then you're like, oh, you know what, I'm going to stop in Trader Joe's and get myself some flowers, and I think I'm going to go for a walk in the park. Romanticizing your life. Ah. I've always done my best to do this, and a lot of my brain thinks, oh, it's just overconsumption. Oh, you don't need another coffee. You don't need that 20 bouquet of flowers. Like, no, have someone else buy you those. That 8 cup of coffee is way too expensive. You don't need that. You don't need this. You don't need to do that. But romanticize your life. If that's something that brings you pure joy. Going for a walk outside or reading your book or buying yourself flowers or going out to grab a cup of coffee or just having a day for yourself. And I'm not talking like a day, I'm talking about days. Multiple days. Romanticizing your life and creating the life that you want to be in, that you want to be a part of, that you want to be the main character of. When you watch these movies or these TV shows or these influencers that you watch, they're essentially putting their life and romanticizing it in some way where you are jealous or envious or just appreciative of how they're living this life for you to see. But I'm telling you that you can live that life. You can romanticize your life. It doesn't matter how much Money you have, or where you live, or what you have to do every single day, romanticize it. Make yourself the main character of your book. And enjoy all of these small things in life. I think that is exactly the most important thing, and the best realization that I realized. And Was doing but didn't even realize I was doing it. I was Romanticizing my life and I have been I love life. Are you kidding? I'm enjoying every little bit and piece of this thing called life and I Really believe that's so important and I hope you know that that's so important too to romanticize your life You're like, Julia, how do you romanticize your life? Well, I'm going to tell you how you romanticize your life. How you live your life as if you're the main character. It's the small things. I really believe that it's the small things. It's the moments where you are appreciating exactly who you are. It's that moment you look in the mirror and you're like, oh, okay, she looks kind of cute today. Okay. Okay. Okay. It's wearing your favorite lipstick, giving to yourself, whether that's in a self, a self love way, whether that's in a self care way, a self love way, whether that is in a small appreciation like buying yourself. You know all the love languages? I want you to take all of those love languages and give them to yourself. Gifts? Yeah. Write yourself a card. Buy yourself flowers. Get yourself that 8 cup of coffee because it tastes fucking good. That was 8 well spent. Words of affirmation, look at your beautiful self in the mirror and be like, I love you. You are stunning. You are beautiful. You are so worthy. You are enough. Thank you. Thank you for existing. Thank you for being here. Acts of service. Take yourself out. Take yourself out to lunch, to dinner. Take yourself to the park. Read your favorite book on the beach. Do things for yourself. Quality time. Spend time with yourself. Get to know who you are. Romanticizing your life. Not their life. Not this influencer's life. Not that person or this person. Your life. Just because you don't have a million things going on every single day doesn't mean that your life isn't exciting. That your life isn't this beautiful life. Because it is. Because you created it. Physical touch. It is not weird to give yourself a hug once in a while. To brush out your hair. To pamper yourself. It is a routine, a spiritual routine. When I get out of a full body shower, you know, the whole kit and caboodle kind of shower, and then I take about 20 minutes for myself by Putting lotion all over my body to make sure I'm hydrated, doing my 10 step skincare routine, and then blowing out my hair so that my next three days I can just wake up with heatless curls and be ready to fucking go. Yeah. There's no, there's no coincidence there. Romanticizing our lives is what we should be doing with our life. When you look back on your entire life, don't you want to look back on it and be like, wow, I lived such a great life. Yeah. Life happens. I mean there's always a climax in a book, right? There's always changes and there's always concerns and there's always things that happen that don't really necessarily feel like we're romanticizing our life, but. It's, it's part of life, it's part of the journey as a whole. So when you get the chance, and I hope that chance is like right in this moment, right now, you get the opportunity to do things for yourself in a way that you romanticize your life and make it the life that you've always wanted. These are the small moments, and the small pieces. of appreciation that create the bigger picture of us quote unquote romanticizing our life. I'm so excited to announce that Bloom, an immersive self love experience, is coming back this September 2025. And this is the perfect time to tell you about it because Bloom is exactly that. Bloom was created on the basis of romanticizing your life. Bloom was created because you deserve a day for yourself. You deserve these small moments, this time. I mean there's a six hour window so you could stay as long as you like or come for a little to give yourself those small moments of appreciation and self love that you deserve. Last year we had such an amazing turnout and it was further confirmation that we needed to do this again. There are vendors, food, drinks. And, as I mentioned, those little moments of self love that we get to give ourselves. The photo ops, the community, the space and the atmosphere, which is the most important part of this event. I put so much time and energy and effort into making sure that when you walk into this space it's comforting, it's bright, and it's beautiful, and it's welcoming. And that is at the core of why I created Bloom. Not just to help you love yourself more, as we do here on the Self Love Archives, but to help you build connections and create new friendships at these events. And to feel like you belong somewhere. To feel seen. And what is the best way to romanticize your life? What is the best way to give yourself little self care? Little things of self love. It's to go and buy yourself flowers. Or it's to go out somewhere with a friend. Or to be brave and courageous and go somewhere alone. Or to spend more time with the women and the people in your life that you love. Or it's to meet new businesses and meet new people. And I hope that Bloom can be that event and that space for you. Tickets are coming soon, so please make sure to sign up for our emails at theselflovearchives. com and I absolutely can't wait to see you at Bloom 2025. For more information and how to join the email list, make sure to check out the show notes and the description down below. So, one of the realizations that I had in my 30s that truly changed it all was understanding that foundations change everything. And I'm not talking about makeup foundation. I'm not talking about the foundation of your house, although we could argue that the foundation of your house is what holds it up, is it not? I'm talking about the foundations of our life. And how incredibly important they are to our success, to being able to actually thrive in the environments that we are a part of, and to understand who we are as a person. If there isn't a foundation under a house, then the house, I think, like, sinks or something like that. I am no construction worker or, in an, in of any understanding of construction work. So, if anyone is Is familiar with um, engineering or construction, any of that, and can confirm that if a house was built without a foundation that it would just like, maybe go into like a sinkhole or something like that? Or maybe slowly but surely fall? I think that is a good educational assumption on what would happen without foundations. So if that's what happens, scientifically so to speak, with homes, then What do we think about us? I think that if we didn't have foundations, we would, I don't think we'd collapse per se. Without a foundation, like a foundational morning routine, or night routine. Or foundational elements in our lives for work, or for making sure that we get enough sleep, or making sure that we're doing the things that we need to do to fuel and refuel our body that we wouldn't be able to thrive. It's almost like living a life without purpose. Waking up just to see another day. Taking the day as it is and going to sleep. And not getting anything out of each day. Now I'm not saying that you need to get something out of every single day and every single day needs to be perfect. No, no, no, no. I'm saying that if we can foundationally set ourselves up for success, like having a really amazing morning routine, I live by my morning routine. And if I'm being honest. The past two days, I have really sucked with my morning routine. And if I go one more day sucking with my morning routine, I think I might lose a really important foundation that kind of sets up my entire day. If I didn't foundationally understand who I was as a person, I would let people walk all over me. There would be no boundaries set. Yeah, sure, take your pick. You want to step on my face? You want to step on my legs? Like, you want to crush me? Sure, go ahead, because apparently I don't have any foundations to hold me up and give me a backbone to stand up to you and say no. To tell you that I have a boundary. Or to tell you exactly who I am. Foundationally, having these beautiful foundations that we've set up for ourselves to help us. To succeed in work, to succeed in play, to succeed in our creativity, to succeed in our relationships, those foundations include knowing who we are, and I'm not just talking about surface level knowing who we are, because normally you can't see foundations of a house, right? They're usually underground. I'm talking about truly knowing who we are on the inside. What we like. What brings us joy, what makes us angry, what makes us sad, foundationally knowing yourself. When you truly know who you are, when you know the depths of yourself, it puts us in a place of control. It puts us in a place of appreciation. It puts us in a place of courage. Because when we know who we are We know how to thrive, who to thrive with, and who we are. Don't you want to know who you are? Don't you want to know the body that you are inhabiting? The heart that beats in your chest? The brain that works in your head? Don't you want to understand who you are? And I think understanding who you are is at the core of building amazing foundations that then lead to us building and growing and thriving. Taking it from experience, the more I run away from my foundations of my life, the more I run away from myself, and the more I get further away. From the goals that I want to reach, the person that I am, the less I am living in the life that I want to live, the less I'm romanticizing my life. And in my first year of my 30s, I really, really got serious. I've been trying for years to change my routines and really get to know who I am. And I think I better them as the years go by. So this is not just a lesson and a realization for my early 30s. This is a lesson and a realization for my entire life. And we don't have to have it figured out yet, but it's really great to understand what you know. And to be open to understanding and getting to know yourself better so that you can build these strong foundations. As they say, Pompeii wasn't built in a day. Is that what they say? No, I'm sorry. I think they say Rome wasn't built in a day. I am not, and I've said this before, I am not a history girl. At all. Okay? I, I'm not a history girl, so I hope you're not here for history, we're here for self love. Though that would make a really interesting episode. Any history teachers out there want to do a self love episode on the history of self love? I think that would be very cool and very important. And then you can really understand how history is not my thing. Your body is always, always changing. Embrace it for what it is today. This is a constant lesson. As someone who struggles to love their body day in and day out. And it will most likely always be a struggle for me. For my whole life. I have good days and I have bad days. Just like I'm sure you have good days and you have bad days where you love your body. Our bodies are always changing. They're going to go through changes, we are getting older, and that's not something to fear, that's something to cherish, that's something to be like, wow, this is so amazing to see life unfold in front of me, through this body that I get to call home. Rather than trying to find that same feeling, or that same way, That you've always used to take care of your body. Find new ways to love and care for your body. Just like the world around us is changing, just like we are changing, the ways that we care for ourselves can change too. Sometimes we might be stuck in our ways, right? We might be saying, well, this worked when I was 25, so it should work now. Sometimes that's not the case, and that's okay. I do believe going back to what has worked before is always the best place to start. But understand, if that way doesn't work anymore, that it's okay to try something new. That if you used to run all the time, but now running just doesn't feel the same, that's okay. Try something else. Try going for like a light paced walk. Or maybe you always ran on a treadmill inside of a gym and that's just not doing it for you anymore. Try running outside. Try running with a friend. Try not to run at all. Try something else. Or try something that moves your body in a different way. If this color always made us feel so good in our skin. But now when we put on this same color, let's say, oh, I have a good one for me. Let's say, for me actually, it was always red. I never wore red. I just wasn't a fan of red. I think I was in that phase when like that deep burgundy purplish red was a thing back in, back in college like 2016. Red was definitely a thing and I wore a lot of red and I have since Got rid of every piece of red that I own until this year. And now I actually am partially obsessed Like partially, like maybe a little too obsessed I'm still in my red era But that just goes to show that it's okay to take care of your body, to clothe your body, to look at your body in different ways In better ways. It's okay to change a routine that might not be working anymore. Or it's okay to go to a different gym, or to try a different type of clothing, or to do something that is different for yourself. Sometimes what used to work might not work anymore. Or maybe it does, but just with some little tweaks. We have to stop being so hard on our bodies and the growth that we go through as we get older. And we have to cherish who we are, and what we are, and what we have right now in this very moment beyond what our physical body is, feels like, and what it looks like. There was this beautiful poem. That had gone viral on social that this writer wrote and it talked about how No one remembered what her stomach looked like that day that she was feeling self conscious pulling her shirt down They remembered how good of a time they had together and no one remembered the acne on her face When she saw old friends, but they remembered the time that they had spent together or the good food that they ate together The only person that's going to hold on to that memory of how you felt is you. And rather than put so much energy into how you feel negatively about your body in this moment, that new gray hair that popped up, or that extra weight that you're carrying in your stomach, or that spider vein that's starting to pop up on your legs, why not give yourself a little love in the mirror? Embrace these new changes, even though it's hard, because I know that it is. And enjoy these moments and romanticize your life with these people that you want to be surrounded with, with these things and these experiences. As I said, we're constantly changing, and our bodies are going to change, too. You can love and care for your body in new ways. Sometimes it just takes a little figuring out. Number five, the last realization of my first year of my thirties that is helping me thrive in this life is that I'm already becoming my higher self. You are already becoming your higher self. This has to be my biggest realization. I am already becoming my higher self, just as you are already becoming your higher self. In my head, there are a couple people, but mainly two people, and the two people that talk to each other and interact with each other the most. It's me. And it's my higher self. There's also a younger version of me as well that's kind of a representation of my past self. It's almost like, um, What's that, what's that Scrooge movie? But you have the past, present, and future, right? And I am my present self in the flesh. Watching my present self in my head. interact with my higher self. And then you have my younger self, or my past self, who doesn't usually say much or say anything at all. So for the most part, the two that are talking is me and my higher self. And, I was meditating recently. So, this is like a realization towards the end of My 30, my first 30th year, my first year in my 30s, I was talking to my higher self and she always wears these big dresses and not like ball gown dresses, like really tight sparkly dresses, it's always sparkly and it's, it's funny because she was always in a red dress. And recently I asked her, I'm like, can you change it to green? You guys probably think I'm so crazy right now. And it just, it never stuck. The green never stuck. Like, it just would always go back to red. So when I'm meditating, when I'm dreaming, whenever I am just with myself, this is who I'm talking to. It's my higher self. It's like having conversations with your higher self. And I hope you guys get to meet her one day. But I'm having a conversation with her, and I'm saying, I'm saying to her, Why, why am I not you yet? And she's like, what do you mean? You are me. And in that moment, it was just this weird light bulb moment where all of a sudden, I'm wearing this sparkly dress that she's wearing. Like, I'm in this red sparkly dress because I am her. My higher self is me. I am becoming her. And I will constantly continue to become versions of her as I grow, as I step forward, as I become more of me. I am constantly becoming her. It's Like the journey of loving ourselves, we are constantly choosing to love ourself in the ways that we are constantly choosing to be the best and highest version of ourselves. So my realization of my first year in my 30s, and the best one yet, is that we are becoming our higher selves. We have been. We just needed to take a second to step back and be like, Oh shit! Look at what we've come from. Look at where we've come from. And how we've gotten from where we were at 10 years ago to who we are today. All this to say, we are becoming our higher selves. You are becoming your higher self. But the way to realize that is taking a step back and actually looking at how far you've come. Because you've come far. You've been through hell and back. You have climbed mountains, jumped over obstacles, you have gotten through so many years of your life to be here in this very moment. And for that, if no one's told you, I need you to look at yourself in the mirror and say, I'm proud of you. Look at everything that you've done. Look at how you have gone from then to now. And how amazing is that? And if it feels weird to say I'm proud of you while looking at yourself in the mirror, just know that I'm proud of you. You are becoming your higher self. Because you are. Her 365 days of being in my thirties, and these are the five realizations that I've had that have absolutely changed everything, and I just know that living as my higher self with great foundations, knowing that I don't have to figure it all out, loving myself inside and out in all of the new ways that I can care and love for my body. And lastly, romanticizing my life. It feels like we are a step or two or five in the right direction of our 30s. Thank you for tuning into this week's podcast episode. I hope you give us a follow on social. We have so many things coming. And I'm so excited to share all of them with you. If you want tickets to Bloom, if you don't want to miss out on our first launch of only 50 tickets, make sure you are signed up for our email list. You will be the first person to know when tickets go live. And I am so grateful. That you are here today, listening to this episode, I just want you to know. And another reminder of how proud I am of you. Thank you for listening, thank you for being here. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or any stories, or anything that you want to share with me, please feel free to reach out to me on socials, at the self love archive, or at the self love archives, or you can comment it down below. I love you. I hope you have the best week ever. And I will see you two weeks from now on Sunday at 12 o'clock Eastern Time. I love you. Bye.