the self-love archives
welcome to the archive. it's time to love yourself more.
the self-love archives
reconnecting with your authentic self after trauma with trauma informed coach, emmy marie @bloomingwithemmy
you know those instagram pages that just make you feel seen? *immediately reposts to story*
well in this episode we get to chat behind the scenes with the creator of one, @bloomingwithemmy
trauma informed coach, emmy marie, chats with us today about what led her to creating her safe space on social media. she not only posts relatable content, but gets vulnerable with all of us about her journey of healing and self-love.
see more from emmy here
connect with julia on instagram @beautybyjulia + tik tok @juliasalvia
unlock more archive content on instagram @theselflovearchive + tik tok @theselflovearchives
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Hi there, I'm Julia. Welcome back to the Self Love Archives podcast. I'm your self love bestie. Back with another episode and this one is So informative. I'm excited. So excited for you to take a listen. We are chatting with Emi from the Instagram account blooming with Emi today. And she is a trauma informed coach, helping you find your authentic self through healing, somatic healing, all different modes of healing. But how I found Emi was actually through her Instagram account. She posts these really raw. healing and just transformative posts in the form of memes. So, you know, those memes that you repost to your stories that are this nostalgic version of maybe a photo of a movie or a picture of something from your childhood that is then given the quotes, like a meme. And you're just like, wow, I didn't even think of it like this. I didn't even think of it this way. And it's just almost life changing in that moment that you have to share it with other people. You don't want to gatekeep it. Well, Emmy posts these on her Instagram account, bloomingwithemmy, and I was so excited to get the opportunity to sit down with her and really understand it, not only her story, but how she created this beautiful story. This community of helping others heal. So let's get into today's podcast episode. I'm so excited to introduce you guys to Emmy. Hi, Emmy. How are you? so much for being here. Hi. Yes. Thank you so much for having me. Of course, please let everybody know where they can find you. Um, I'm obsessed with your Instagram, so please share that. I, I feel like I've reposted so many things from your account. Um, it's so aligning. So please share that with everybody and anywhere else where they can, um, book you, find you, and, and connect with you.
Emmy Marie:Yeah, sounds good. So my Instagram is bloomingwithemmy. Um, and my website is emmymarie. com. And that just has so much fun. Pretty much everything I offer and more information about me and free resources and all that good stuff.
Julia Salvia:Yeah, amazing. And how, how did you get to creating Blooming with Emi? What, what drew you to creating these beautiful social media posts that are just like nostalgic, but aligning, but like, like I'll scroll through and I'll be like, Oh my God. Yeah. What brought you to creating it? Of course.
Emmy Marie:Yeah, so, uh, my account originally began back in 2018, just as kind of like a private, like, where I was focusing on just like health and wellness, um, just outside of my like personal Instagram. And then in 2019, I did this little challenge that was like doing 10 minutes of creativity every day, just to try to connect more with my creative side. Um, and I used that account, um, to, Post whatever I would create in the day just to kind of keep track of it and have that accountability and use it kind of like a journal, um, and through that process, I really started writing a lot about trauma and healing because that was a big focus of my life at the time, um, personally, and after doing that for a few months, I started to kind of. Get some traction on my posts and people, you know, commenting and liking and all that good stuff Which felt really good and it was awesome to connect with like other trauma survivors on there So from there, I just kind of Started pursuing it more seriously, I guess, like I was already really committed, but I started trying to make it somewhat more cohesive and not just like anything and everything. Um, yeah. And then like in 2020 got into trauma informed coaching and started, you know, my business doing that work and yeah, my contents changed a lot over the years, but, um, I noticed in 2022, 2023, um, I noticed that. There's a lot of Instagram accounts that use like a meme format. So like, you know, uh, typically funny, but, um, words like on top of images that kind of like make feel relatable to people. So, um, I noticed that was doing really well at the time I was doing a lot more just like Canva infographic type things. So I decided to try to make my content, which is usually very serious in nature. Um, be just like, Over a pretty background image. Um, yeah, it's done really well. So now, now it feels, you know, really effortless, um, and just natural, but yeah, it was like a choice I made at that
Julia Salvia:time. And I think it really is so like connective. I think, I think seeing, especially the posts where, um, I think you posted one with Winnie the Pooh recently that I saw, like seeing this very nostalgic. Show or movie or anything that you're, that you're sharing, um, with almost like a different, I guess like a different context on top of it, that's more relatable, that's deeper, that has a lot of just healing involved and like this reminder of healing is, I think just connecting these two worlds that makes it a lot easier to digest this very hard thing, maybe that we're struggling as people to accept.
Emmy Marie:Yeah, that's a really good point. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense and it's interesting to just hear your perspective. Um, thank you for like all the kind words and I'm glad it, you know, it, it, it lands well.
Julia Salvia:Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I, I definitely think that it's, it's, it's so important, first of all, to speak on, What we're going through and the things that we have endured, whether they are positive or negative. I just think that on social media, we're seeing, you know, we always talk about people seeing like the highlight reel, we're seeing this highlight reel of, of someone's life. We're only seeing the positive moments, the good moments. We're not seeing the more deeper moments, the healing moments, the, um, moments that I think most people wouldn't have the courage to share, but it's so great. To have those accounts that are more relatable. It's not that I think that the people that do share a highlight reel of their lives, you know, of course there's depth. Of course there's more to it. There's more to the story, but there's something about any account on social media that gets deeper into it that allows us as people to either feel more courageous and speaking on our traumas and our healing. More, or to at least speak to it more openly and honestly, honestly with our, you know, with our inner circle.
Emmy Marie:Yeah. Yeah. That's, yeah. It's really nice to hear. Yeah. I don't know. Like who knows if it's astrology or whatever it is, but I feel like there's something in me that just, you know, feels like longs for that. Like connecting to a lot of people and social media is a really great way to do that. Um, it feels. overall good. There's obviously problems with it, but, um, yeah, like just talking about the real hard stuff comes really naturally to me and I'm, I'm just really glad for any like positive impact it, um, can create. So,
Julia Salvia:yeah, for sure. And I think I read that you're a Taurus sun. Yes. Do you know what your rising sign is?
Emmy Marie:Yeah. Libra and Sagittarius
Julia Salvia:moon. Oh, that's so, I love that so much. Cause Libra is definitely giving you like that balance between And just like the deeper stuff and the almost like, um, lightheartedness of the content that you're creating. Yeah, totally. And, yeah, and your Taurus is just bringing you more down to earth and Sag is over here like, let's do it! Yeah. Yeah, for
Emmy Marie:sure. Yeah, and my Mercury is Gemini, which always really resonates a lot with me because it's like very, very chatty. Like, yeah, like I could just write forever. I can make content forever. I mean, obviously I have limits, but, uh, it comes really naturally, naturally to me to like express. Um, so
Julia Salvia:yeah. And, and in this expression, of course you mentioned, um, and the things that I've, I've read about you. There's more of that. You started doing this social media account blooming with Emmy, like based on where you're from. You know, when you were healing, when you were going through traumas, do you want to dive into maybe that story of how you got there and, and where you found that courage to share that?
Emmy Marie:Yeah, sure. Um, yeah. So context about me and my life. Uh, I was in an abusive relationship in high school and it was kind of like my first real big, like love of my life type thing. Like, which you know, looking back, you're like, Oh, you're 15, but. When you're 15, it feels incredibly real. I think many of us know that. Um, and so it was like the 15 to almost 18. So it was like three years and it was just like incredibly toxic and Yeah, like this combination between kind of Child abuse and domestic violence because it was that just that that time in your life. Um, So I got out of that and basically had a lot of trauma but didn't do anything to address it I really was just like, okay, it's over like time to move on like let's just be happy and um, yeah, so I tried to just do that like move on get over it and pretty much just repeated the same patterns, um, In other relationships like I really just chased after very emotionally unavailable men, uh, and didn't really have any basis of self worth and struggled a lot with like anxiety and depression. Um, yeah, and so that went on for a while. Ended up in another relationship. That was not so great. It wasn't nearly as bad, but it was not good for me. Um, and it was in there for about two years. And then finally it was like, okay, I need to figure this out. Um, it got out of that relationship and then that was 2016. And I felt like once I was not kind of actively like putting out fires and like living in survival mode, all my, all my complex PTSD symptoms really started emerging. And so I had just like a tremendous amount of like. anxiety, paranoia, um, nightmares, like a lot of physical symptoms. I had like really debilitating eczema and digestive problems. Um, so it just felt very, very unwell, like a lot of the time finally got into therapy. Um, and then, yeah, I just started kind of going down this like healing path, uh, within therapy and also just a lot of work on my own. Uh, reading a lot of books, doing a lot of different like meditative practices or body work and. Um, just kind of like orienting my life towards healing while also like working and stuff like that. Um, yeah, so Yeah, like that I I mean, I still feel like the process is ongoing like a lot of my trauma symptoms are now mostly resolved and it's more of this matter of like how that experience really shaped my identity and like All the ways it's impacted sort of like my personality even or just like things I'm afraid of that. I logically know I shouldn't be but at this point where I sit today in 2024 um Yeah, like I don't, I wouldn't necessarily qualify for PTSD anymore, which is awesome. Um, but yeah, it's been like a lot of hard work, a lot of years. And then, yeah, now, like since 2020, I've been kind of supporting other trauma survivors through the work that I'm doing, which has been just like tremendously fulfilling and, um, just like, it's kind of everything to me. It means so much to me. So, uh, yeah, and I'm happy to elaborate on anything you're curious about, but I'll stop just because, you know, it's a complex story to wrap. Of course. Yeah,
Julia Salvia:of course. Um, I have a similar story in regards to like the, um, a pattern of being in really abusive relationships over and over again. And it did start for me also at 15. Um, that's okay. I'm, I'm sorry too. Um, yeah, it's, yeah, I think it was just this pattern of being in. You know, I think there's some validity to how we felt as, as when we're teens and going through that, like, yes, we love this person. Yes. This is how we're feeling. Yes. It's, it's, it's hurtful. We're disappointed, but, um, we're trying to handle these complex emotions at such a young age. And I think the most important thing too, um, Or the one thing that I understand now at, at 30 and now at 24, like now in 2024 is that when I was 15, um, there was this feeling, I think around, around me in that I don't want to share what's going on because I'm embarrassed, or I don't want to share what's going on because I don't, I think it's not happening to anyone else. And that's so beyond not true. Right. So I think it's amazing. Yeah. Like, I think it's so amazing to be able to have that, that I always go back to that word of courage to share our stories and to share our healing journeys so that other people, no matter how old they are, whether they are, they are teens, they're, um, adults, they're young adults, whatever age that they're at, feel more, um, encouraged to talk about it or at least Know that what they're feeling in the pit of their stomach is correct, that they're not valued in the relationship that they're in. Oh,
Emmy Marie:beautiful. Yeah, absolutely. That, that I completely agree. And yeah, like if, if spreading awareness, you know, can feel better. Like, what's the point sometimes, but then you have to realize exactly what you're talking about is like, we have no idea how many people might assemble across the social media post and, and have never heard those things before. And stuff that might come so naturally when you're an adult or you had a really secure upbringing or your relationships were really healthy, um, or you had to just earn it through all the healing work you've done, like to, yeah, someone much younger or inexperienced. experience or with a different background might be just like totally revolutionary and save them from so much trauma and suffering. So Absolutely. Yeah.
Julia Salvia:Yeah, I even say like I'm I'm sure you might feel this way too and let me know that like even when I'm More open and honest about anything even if it's something small like just having to genuinely like just a bad like hey guys I'm having a bad day It and it connects with one person and it says, you know, that person messages you or comments and says me too Like i'm having a bad day, too. Thanks so much for sharing this. Thanks so much for for giving. Um, You know just more for letting us in a little bit more and letting us know that What I think most people and what most of what social media was for that like I feel like that 20 um Almost like 2012 to like 2018, 19 period was like this. Perfect. I call it like the perfection age of social media where there really, it really was like highlight reels. It was like perfectionism after perfectionism. So to see the openness and the ability of, of accounts like yours come up, it's, it really, I think makes people feel more like, Hey, I'm, I'm normal too. Like. Even though I, I've thought I wasn't for all these years because I've gone through this, this, this, and this.
Emmy Marie:Yeah, totally. Yeah, I mean, that's, that's a huge, like, um, I guess part of my mission that, you know, I don't think about, like, every day, but just the Yeah. Like, I just remember I didn't really seek out any sort of solidarity or support, um, until, like, When I was starting to really do the healing work and then I would just be like searching on Spotify for podcasts about like, uh, abuse, trauma, recovery, healing, and it, It felt like it was hard to find, right? Which now is like, I feel like everyone's talking about it, which I'm thrilled about because, um, yeah, it was really weird to just try to be like, I was like just digging for someone to understand. So yeah, I'd love to just be like, I was spoken about this stuff because I can, like, I feel like I have the capacity to and, um, yeah, just like making people feel like less alone and like there is hope and there's solidarity, there's community. Um, Yeah, it's like, I don't know what else I would rather be doing.
Julia Salvia:Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot. I love that so much. I, I completely agree with you. Um, what led you from the healing process of actually healing yourself from these relationships and from all of these that you were experiencing, experiencing to kind of, I guess it's, it's probably more of like a longer choice that you made to, to decide to share, but what brought you to actually share that, that, um, The healing journey that you were going through. Yeah.
Emmy Marie:Yeah. At first it was really just like a personal, um, like it just felt good to write it down. And I was just posting on this second account I had that was anonymous. So it just was like, I don't know, like there's just something in me that kind of wanted to share and express. I've definitely been inspired by other writers. And, and content creators, if you want to call them that, um, in the past, and yeah, there was something I was just really drawn towards. I'm not entirely sure why. Um, but then, yeah, over time, as I started to kind of grow into more like a professional role of supporting others, it's definitely all about that, like, Everything we've been talking about so far of just like helping people feel less alone and, and, um, provide, I used to be really into more like education, like providing more education about like trauma that now I think I do a lot less of, but, um, just like if I, if I learned something that's helpful for me, I just like really don't want to gatekeep that. Like, I'm like, let, let me tell anyone, um, who stumbles across my page or, you know, it was kind of looking for these sort of resources. Um,
Julia Salvia:yeah. So you said that it started off as anonymous so no one knew that it was Like they I guess they weren't putting like a face To the name in the beginning. Yeah. There was no name
Emmy Marie:even it was, uh, it was just, it was called blooming forward. So it was just like a brand name kind of thing. Um, instead of having my name attached. So yeah, it was just like there, I felt very free and, um, yeah, it was a lot less like pressure on like, you know, Oh, people are going to know this is me. So I definitely advocate for doing that for people who are like afraid, but do feel a calling to share or create a social media account. So
Julia Salvia:it makes it easier. Oh yeah, for sure. For sure. Cause I think we always think about, even when I share to this day, I know I'm open. I know the world like can find so much information about me because of just how open of a content creator I am. So I know that if someone comes around and goes, how was your weekend in this place? I'm not surprised that they know I was in this place on this weekend because I posted about it. So, um, but the thought sometimes. When I'm posting something very like, very serious or very deep or, um, you know, that just goes into something maybe I haven't spoke about just yet. Um, or something very serious. I always think initially I'm like, Oh, oh shit. Like my, my family's going to see this. My friends are going to see this. Like my, I always think about my inner circle first, especially the ones that maybe I haven't fully shared this with. But I think at the end of the day, I'm always thinking about the bigger community, the bigger circle of how it's going to help those people and help the right people versus what I'm thinking about, you know, what versus the inner community. But I think that if it's someone who is just trying to find an outlet initially. I think that's such a great, a great idea, a great way to, to, to find a different outlet. Cause I think sometimes some of the outlets that we always see, like I know therapy isn't helpful for everyone. Um, you know, some people aren't writers, some people just like to talk. Into their phone or film a video. Um, I know that sometimes for me, even though, of course I'm an, I'm normally in front of a camera, so I'm used to talking to a camera when usually no one's there. So sometimes just talking to like my phone is very helpful, very therapeutic. Um, but I love that. I, I love that. That's how you started. Thank you. Yeah, for sure. Of course. How, how did you go from being anonymous? To blooming forward to blooming with Emmy. When, when was that introduction made and how did you feel about it?
Emmy Marie:Yeah. Um, so the thing that kept me anonymous is just like fear of my ex boyfriend, uh, finding my account and being really upset. Um, uh, so that is why it was anonymous. And then, um, I kind of just like try to take it really slow. Like I. I remember one time I posted a selfie on my stories. Um, and eventually I added just Emmy is my name, which like my real name is Emily. That's what he knew me as. So it's not like super strong protection or anything, but it was just like gentle little steps. Um, and then eventually I started posting pictures of myself and it felt like I, like I felt ready. Like it was, it was definitely like. Scary, but I, I don't know, like, I guess it was just maybe an intuitive sense, um, alongside, you know, having been in therapy and kind of working with that fear and, you know, improving that allowed me to kind of just take that step and just knowing that like, if it went badly, I could always change my mind and, you know, reverse course. But, um, yeah, like I, I really felt motivated by wanting to create a business doing this work and that wasn't really going to be possible if I didn't like. If people didn't know who I was, like, uh, you know, so yeah, I felt like the benefits of it, um, outweighed the fear. And then just also over time, like the more I've just been doing this, like the more easier it got, I guess.
Julia Salvia:Yeah. Did you feel like almost a sense of, I guess there's like a, a complexity to the word of like freedom, but did you feel some sort of freedom when you did start to be like, Hi, it's me. Um, I'm Emmy. Yeah,
Emmy Marie:yeah, that's a good question. I mean, I just love and value freedom so much So that's it's a big part of just like a lot of things I think about in life is like I am free to Do what feels right for me. I don't have to be like in this cage of control anymore Which is like super important to me personally and kind of systemically or collectively So yeah, definitely. Absolutely. I think It's like so hard to put myself back there, which is like it was only like four years ago, but but certainly I was I was really excited to feel closer to the people that were following me. And at the time, you know, I just had a couple thousand followers. It wasn't nearly what it is today. So there really were, there was a lot of familiarity with my following and, um, it was cool for them to like know who I was. And I just felt like a little bit more like a real person with these people that I was meeting online.
Julia Salvia:Yeah. I think putting a face to the name was definitely probably helpful in regards to them connecting to you even more so. And kind of almost like connecting. Connecting the dots, essentially. I know that you said it was a fear of yours that your ex would come back and, or have something to say about, about the account. Did anything ever come from that? Did he ever say anything?
Emmy Marie:No, not yet. So cross your fingers for me. It never happened. At this point, I'm like, I'm not as afraid like I don't live with that constant like, oh, you know, like, yeah. Um, It would it would still be i'm sure very triggering and activating if he contacted me, but about that But I feel like I can handle it now. But yeah, so far so good. So yeah, we just hope for the best every day.
Julia Salvia:Yeah, I actually had an experience like that. Um, I will share sometimes more in, in my, in my way I kind of share like, um, I hate calling it a script because it's really like, it's just a very, it's almost like a diary entry, really, and I'll just read it over and over again and add to it essentially, and I'll end up being like, using that as a voiceover and piecing photos and videos from an experience that I want to share, um, with everyone. And one of them was about my ex boyfriend and, um, he very quickly showed up, had something to say. Um, and it actually, interestingly enough, it wasn't him. It was. It was his circle that showed up and had something to say when there was really nothing bad said. It was just, you know, my side of the, it was my side of the story. And, and, um, it's okay. I don't think, um, I wouldn't say for me, the, I was definitely in such a good spot and a good place in to share that. And I think that's something that's really important to me before, for me, before I share something. I. don't usually share anything when I'm in the midst of the healing process. It's more towards like the tail end. Do you feel that way as well? Whenever you do share a personal story that you need to be either towards the tail end of that healing or healed essentially? Yeah,
Emmy Marie:yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's, it's, you know, healing from something that was as like identity altering as, you know, that relationship, um, It's like there's always something coming up every once in a while that does feel pretty raw. And so if I'm having a day where I'm like really like processing grief or something, I'm like not posting about it at all, or probably not posting at all. Like I'm just, I'm just tending to myself, living my life. And then yeah, in a few days, if I have some, you know, reflection on that, maybe I'll share it. But yes, I'm typically way more often talking about things that are, Um, just like not at all activating to write about, um, or if they are activating, maybe it's like anger, like that could come through, but I'm yeah. Like I have some ruptures going on in my relationship or something. I don't, I don't like share that. Um, when it's raw in that moment. So yeah, I totally relate to that for sure.
Julia Salvia:Yeah. Cause I think we, as creatives, um, posting so raw on, on the internet for the whole world to see, like, you deserve that. Moment for yourself. And I think sometimes that can get lost in the bigger picture of things that, you know, you, you deserve that time of healing or of whatever, whether it's a moment, a day, a week, whatever that is to push through because things do come up. As much as we think we're, we're past it, we're healed, we're, we're on the next, you know, the next part of our path, we're over that tree, that giant tree that fell over, like things do come back and things do come up. So I think it's so important. And I'm glad to hear that you are, you know, putting yourself first in those moments, um, to make sure that you're in a good head space in order to share these really raw and vulnerable things.
Emmy Marie:Yeah, thanks. Yeah, and it's interesting 'cause as you say, that I feel like how my content tends to be lately, or you know, in the past few years or maybe is mm-hmm . More of like statements. Acknowledging the realities of healing rather than like, specific, like what I'm, you know, going through. It's more like, yeah. You know, you're still lovable when you have a bad day or something like that compared to like, today's been a bad day because of this. It's like, I kind of take the experience I'm having and more frame it in like a general offering towards someone else that could relate. And I think that kind of, that kind of allows me to feel that sense of privacy rather than like, perhaps an influencer who is truly expected almost by their audience to be telling all like week after week. Like mine is way more like, I'm sort of like. Writing for you, but it's not always like about me per se. Yeah. Um, yeah, so yeah I never really thought of it that way, but it just came up while you were saying that. Yeah.
Julia Salvia:Yeah No, I think that's so great because there is there definitely is that expectation that Everything is happening. Everything happened right now five seconds ago in this moment and this is happening right now And that can be really overwhelming, um, as, as a creative. Um, but I'm sure it can be really overwhelming for even like the reader of it. So I would love to know in this, in, in everything that we've learned about you, learned about Blue Moon with Emi, where did your self love journey start?
Emmy Marie:Yeah, great. So I feel like self love for me has been. Yeah, really closely connected to what I refer to as healing, which what I mean by that is kind of doing therapeutic or other kind of like intentional work or care, receiving that care, giving that care to myself to help me feel well. Mentally and emotionally after trauma. Um, so I, a big product of that abusive relationship was just like unbelievable amounts of shame that came across both directly from him. Like a big tool of his control over me was constantly making me feel like there was something wrong with me. I was to blame for absolutely every problem we had, which were oftentimes just his problems. Like. It was just projected onto me as something I needed to fix or take care of. And so, I was just like, drenched in the shame, both coming from him and then also shame is a really common and normal response to experiences you can't control. Um, and you don't want to. You know, feel like you have any power to escape from, or you literally can't. So really normal part of like folks who grow up in, um, abusive or neglectful homes often deal with a lot of shame too. Um, or any kind of like traumatic long term complex situation. And so with shame, you know, you're, you're basically, it's like the opposite of self love. It's like, there's something wrong with you. You're a bad person, all that. And so it's interesting. Cause like for a long time, shame sort of drove me. To pursue healing in some ways because it was like, well, I'm bad as I am. So I need to improve. And that was going on even when I was still dating him. And then like, in those years, kind of after of just like, I need to be a better person. I'm a bad person, you know. Just all this bullshit that, like, is really sad, like, you know, to look back on, just, like, I was fine, like, I was, like, a normal girl, like, everyone has flaws and stuff, but, like, yeah, it's, like, truly brainwashing to be in an emotionally abusive relationship, um, so anyways, yeah, like, I, I feel like, yeah, around 2017, 2018, sort of, like, Was exposed to concepts around like self acceptance, self love, self compassion. Um, and yeah, at first it was just like tremendously hard for me to ever react to anything I did with care or kindness or compassion. Um, I was just so used to just beating myself up all the time or just seeing myself as bad. Um, but I felt like. It was in it was just critical for the healing process I don't know if it's because I read that somewhere but it really felt like I mean, it just makes you miserable to hate yourself, right? So I guess it makes a lot of just common or intuitive sense to expect that if you could love yourself Maybe you would be happier and not feel so, you know, just awful all the time Um, so I feel like I really had to commit to it almost as this like Kind of like discipline, like something that it took discipline, took effort, took diligence almost to constantly try to meet myself with, if not kindness, neutrality, acceptance, just like, okay, this is how it is instead of like, you're bad, you know? Um, so it really did feel in a lot of ways, like a mindset shift for me, uh, something I very much conscious consciously chose and had to choose over and over and over again. Um, With that, I do think, like, as I've, you know, done more, like, somatic therapy modalities and just other kinds of trauma therapy, um, self love, self compassion became more accessible compared to me just trying to, like, force it to happen, like, over time as I got to more better understand like how trauma was stored in the body and like connect with younger parts of me, uh, understand my coping mechanisms, defense mechanisms, understand how abuse works and why it wasn't my fault. Like there's so many different kind of external factors also that helped me arrive at a place of like genuinely, you know, loving myself. Um, so yeah, that's, that's. Kind of the short version, I guess, but, um, I'll stop for now. Yeah,
Julia Salvia:no, I think there's so many pieces to self love for sure. Um, I, I definitely know. And I hope by listening to this conversation, a lot of people know, or are starting to understand that self love is not just this like thing that happens out of nowhere or this thing that you just have for yourself. It is constantly like that choice of choosing yourself choosing to love yourself choosing to Put the work into yourself. It really is like a discipline at the end of the day. It's it's a discipline it's it's setting boundaries, it's Looking at all of the parts of yourself that are accepted by society Which doesn't matter to begin with but also the parts of You know, the parts of you that society doesn't, doesn't accept or doesn't like, or tells you are ugly or tells you are bad. And especially coming from, you know, um, a death, domestic violence survivor, like an abuse survivor, like we're made to think that none of us is good. Not just the, not just what society is telling us isn't, isn't right. Or isn't normal. It's on top of that. It's everything else because we're always in this place of shame and you're always in this place of. Feeling like not even the parts of you that you already kind of automatically love are, aren't good enough. So, it's Totally. It is way far deeper, way more in depth than I think, like, the definition of, of self love really is.
Emmy Marie:Yeah, totally. Yeah. Right, I, I, you know, I sure hope there's people out there who, you know, genuinely were raised in an environment, um, and had, you know, experiences in there. Youth and adolescence that contributed to a natural sense of self love of just like, or, you know, self acceptance of like, I am who I am and that's okay. And, you know, everyone goes through insecurities or, you know, feeling embarrassed or having moments of guilt and shame. Um, but yeah, I think like when you are, for whatever reason, whether it's like the world we live in, your family, friends, other relationships kind of, you drill this idea into you that you are bad to your core, that it takes a lot of work to come back from that. Um, so yeah, I just think people who do that kind of work are just tremendously brave and powerful. And, um, and I also know how exhausting it is for sure.
Julia Salvia:Oh yeah. It's not, it's not linear by any means. It is for sure like a, Move forward, move backward, move left, move right, move up, move down. It is, it is not linear by, by any means. And I think that that's definitely something to keep in mind, but it's always pushing forward and choosing ourselves that is going to, you know, if we're looking at the bigger picture a year from now, or looking back at our lives a year from now, where while it might not be linear, we're still moving forward. Yeah, yeah,
Emmy Marie:that's a great way to put it. Absolutely. I love the like wave metaphor of just like when you're in um a period of feeling really really low and I know for me it always just felt like that will always last forever and I finally feel like this year I'm like actually can trust that when I'm having like a bad day or like something comes up, I can actually trust that it won't last forever. I don't know. Um, that was just such a long time where it was just so scary to be not okay. But trying to remember that like so much in life, like literally like UV rays to waves on the ocean, like hills, like there's so many patterns of ups and downs and just like trusting that like when you're in a low point. There will be that upward climb again. And yeah, I think, you know, when you are committed to doing the healing work, when you're surrounding yourself by safe and supportive relationships in a safe environment, it, um, our bodies are always wanting to come back to a sense of Safety in the world and connection to others like that is our natural state even if you've been through a tremendous amount of trauma So yeah, the shitty stuff is gonna happen bad days are gonna happen symptoms are gonna come up, but I do believe Yeah, it does get better. It's just yeah, very not letting her for sure.
Julia Salvia:Yeah
Emmy Marie:For sure.
Julia Salvia:And I, it's like, it's like the saying, I think the easiest saying that I've heard so many times is that it's going to rain and the sun's always going to come out eventually.
Emmy Marie:Yeah. Yeah. That's a great one too. Right. Just, and I just love how it's like trusting the cycles of nature, because how are you going to disprove, you know, that plants die in the winter and then they come back in the spring. It's like, that's all around us all the time. And it's, it's so different than this, like. You know, hyperproductive kind of capitalist paradigms of like, we always have to grow. Like you always have to grow, profits need to grow. Everything needs to always work perfectly. And it's just like, that is not accurate to nature and we're a part of nature. So I love leaning on that for inspiration and comfort.
Julia Salvia:Yeah. It's, it's so true though. I've, I've been seeing a lot of videos lately, actually, where especially anyone that struggles to love their, the physical. Parts of their body. A lot of videos where people are comparing, like, stretch marks to the, like, roots of a tree, or, or, like, the lightning, like, comparing to nature, and it's, it's really so true, like, we really, we are parts, we are a part of nature, so it's, it's crazy to think that we aren't anything like it. That we are so special in this way where we don't, we aren't similar.
Emmy Marie:Yeah,
Julia Salvia:that's just not true,
Emmy Marie:right?
Julia Salvia:Right. It's like this factually untrue. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly So you mentioned somatic healing a bit Can you can you dive into that because I would love to learn I'm not I'm familiar with somatic healing but not so familiar but I know that it can be so incredibly helpful in regards to bringing our bodies to a place of There's a word I'm missing but like a place of peace honestly or a place of safety You
Emmy Marie:Yeah, yeah, so somatic basically means like of the body, a soma is like another word for a body, um, and I think, you know, within the kind of like lineage of the somatic work that I practice, um, with my coaching work and also that I've done in my own personal therapeutic work, um, There it's not simply, you know, like your arm like the flesh like sort of like the anatomical structures That's more of like yeah where we notice like emotional sensations in the body Like so when you say you're feeling sad What does sadness feel like? Where does it live? Like not literally like what is the anatomy of that region, but just more like the felt sense, I guess. Um, so when it comes to like somatic work, somatic healing, somatic therapy, um, there's so many different kinds, but it's essentially this approach that is including the body in the work you're doing rather than just like traditional talk therapy or other kinds of, um, Talk, mind, cerebral based Therapeutic modalities that are more focused on just cognition. Like what do you believe? What do you think? What do you know? Like which I do a lot of that as well but somatic kind of takes it like into the body and Yeah what I really love about it is it if you're like an anxious person and you're constantly thinking and you have all these stories and narratives and Like beliefs and ideas in your head to gently with curiosity, respect, compassion, go beneath those thoughts and really like track what's going on in your body. Um, it's just like, it feels almost magical sometimes how Like illuminating that can be, it can also be very, very hard. Like it can be very painful compared to just like, let's talk about these concepts and like intellectualize everything, which is like my comfort zone for being the client for sure. Um, to actually go within, it takes a lot of effort for me. Um, it feels very easy when I'm guiding someone to do it, but when I'm actually doing it myself, it's much harder. Um, but yeah, I feel like it can really lead to this much deeper sense of connection with yourself. Including parts of you that you maybe just don't acknowledge or you were taught were really bad And they're guiding your life in some way like they're they are coming out in actions They're coming out in reactions and you don't like that But if you can, you know Sometimes we can sit there get into it and find a sense of connection with those parts of us that leads to this whole sense of like integration peace calm Curiosity that's all like like all the stuff we're looking for when it comes to healing so Yeah, it's like kind of hard to explain in a way, but, um, it's just like very powerful and, um, yeah, highly recommend if anyone's like curious, uh, you know, there's lots of different practitioners and modalities that do somatic work. Um, and yeah, it's good stuff.
Julia Salvia:So essentially somatic work is kind of connecting because we, we are completely intertwined everything in our body, including like our brains. I think sometimes we separate. What goes on on the inside, what goes on in our head versus what goes on on the outside when they're all intertwined. So somatic work is really kind of combining the two in a really, um, you know, in, in, in the way that it should be. And I, I, I feel like the word that kept coming to me as you were talking about it was like intuition, like, where am I intuitively feeling this? This specific feeling or this specific pattern that just keeps coming up for me like where in my body am I feeling that Sensation and how can I you know, give it more attention? Yeah, and give it some attention. Yeah
Emmy Marie:Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I love that It's interesting like I've noticed as the last couple somatic work with other people And I think inviting it more into my life You Personally as well. Uh, I do feel like my intuition is just getting like, kind of like scarily good lately. Like I don't want to, I don't want to say that. And then, you know, it goes away, whatever. I shouldn't expect that. But anyways, like there's been a lot of times lately where I'm like, I really like know what my friend's like about to say. And I'm like, that's like, they say it and I'm like, yep, I was just like expecting you to say that. I'm like, that's really weird. Like, um, but I think there is something to it of like, when you can kind of, you know, hear in someone's. Voice or through what they're saying and sort of like track that through your body that almost feels like Intuition in a way. I have no
Julia Salvia:idea,
Emmy Marie:but
Julia Salvia:it's cool.
Emmy Marie:I like it I
Julia Salvia:believe I believe that we all are very intuitive people like extremely intuitive people We just are so the the universe the world is so loud that we don't have the chance to listen So when we start to listen, when we start to do somatic work, when we start to actually be with ourselves and actually hear what our minds, our hearts, our souls, our bodies are actually telling us or trying to tell us, then we start actually hearing it.
Emmy Marie:Yeah, that sounds great. Yeah. I, I, I definitely feel like I agree with that personally for sure.
Julia Salvia:Yeah. And so somatic work is something that you offer to your clients. What else do you offer to your clients? To help them in in their healing journeys.
Emmy Marie:Yeah, so I have a lot of different like offerings like I do like one on one trauma informed coaching, which is where that somatic work comes in. So that's where I'm like meeting with someone one on one and typically like starting by getting a sense of what their desires are for themselves and for their life. So I meet them there and I'm not trying to, you know, come up with some agenda for them. Um, and then we're kind of looking at what are the obstacles getting in the way of that. And so if someone's really wanting someone to like brainstorm with, for example, Great. If someone is willing, ready, excited about, interested in going in and doing that kind of deeper somatic work, great. Um, if people sometimes maybe really need like a supportive person to vent to and be validated by and just like offer more of that like comfort, I'm here for that. So I try to keep it like super flexible, always staying, you know, within my Scope of practice and like what I've been trained, um, to do and what I'm just capable of doing as a human being on earth with empathy and compassion. So, yeah, it's kind of like hard to explain concisely, but, um, yeah, I'm like here to like meet people where they're at and help them achieve. Whatever goals that they have for themselves. And then I also have like, um, courses and like group programs, uh, as well as like a membership group that meets every month, um, that brings a lot of that, like community solidarity and support. Um,
Julia Salvia:yeah. Yeah. Cause I think that's great though, like to have that openness because everyone's Journey and story is different and everybody's at a different chapter within their, their story. So having the openness to be able to kind of sit with anyone and, and meet them where they're at, I think is so important.
Emmy Marie:Thanks. Yeah. Yeah, I really like it. It does feel like it flows well with however I'm built, like astrologically or whatever, like, um, to, to be able to be kind of intuitive and flexible with my work. Really it feels right. It feels good.
Julia Salvia:Yeah, and when it feels right, it feels right. Can't fight it. Well, I mean, thank you so much so so much for being here on the self love archives podcast This was such an amazing conversation getting to know you To know you and sharing your story and just learning more about the work that you are doing for anyone that's trying to heal these deeper parts of themselves. Um, whether that's in a lighthearted way through, um, blooming with Emmy or in more of a deeper way with working one on one with you before we go, what is one thing you would tell someone who is deep within their healing journey? If you had to tell them one thing, what would that be? So
Emmy Marie:yeah, I think I'll, I'll go with, uh, the first thing that comes to my mind just with that intuitive kind of hit, which was just keep going, which I'm like, not my most inspiring thing to say, but it's something that I will expand upon a bit. Um, I feel like I was deeply needed, like, and, and returned to over and over again was just like, a bigger thing would be maybe like trust the process, um, trust the fact that. You are worthy of happiness and good things. Um, and I personally believe, and I know a lot of different lineages of trauma therapy and other kinds of, you know, even spiritual belief systems, believe that, like, trauma can't destroy or permanently damage the core of who you are, like, that there is this self underneath all of, like, the layers of trauma. Shit you've gone through, um, and pain you've experienced and defense mechanisms that have been cultivated. Um, and it's possible to get back to that. It's possible to connect to that version of you that feels at ease or is like filled with laughter and like joy. Um, so keep going, like I know the healing process is very exhausting, it's very tiring, and you're allowed to hate it, you are allowed to be frustrated and tired, you're allowed to scream at the sky and, and, you know. Tell the world how pissed you are that has happened to you. Like you don't have to be optimistic all the time. You don't have to be optimistic at all. Right. You can be exactly as you are and still return to the things that bring you a sense of joy or bring you a sense of comfort and solace. And, um, and also don't isolate yourself. Um, that is like, that is a really hard one for me or it has been. And. Just like learning that like it actually is safe to lean on other people whether that's like someone you hire like a therapist or a coach or Um, it's like your best friend or your pet or a tree or whatever like just Seek support. Um Yeah, which I know is very scary. But once again, it's like we we we heal from relational wounds in relationships, so It can be really helpful overall Yeah,
Julia Salvia:I love that. I think, no, I think that's so good. I, it's so true. Just like, it's, it's as simple as it is to say, keep going. It is. There's so much stuff for that. And I think sometimes that's really all we need to hear. Yeah. Well, thank you again, really so much, please. Before we officially, officially go, please tell everybody where they can find you, where they can book with you and where they can follow you on socials.
Emmy Marie:So social media, um, blooming with Emmy and that's TOK. Um, and then emmymarie. com is my website where I have all the different offerings I have going on at any given time. Um, so you can learn more and contact me through there.
Julia Salvia:Perfect. Thank you, Emmy, so much. I appreciate you for being here and, um, I can't wait to just see what's, what's like up, up for you next. Thank you. Yes. Thanks so much for having me. Appreciate it. Of course, of course. Thank you so much for tuning into the Self Love Archives podcast. I'm so glad to be back here another week with you. Remember episodes go up every other Sunday at 12 o'clock eastern time. I cannot wait to see you in the next episode. Bye!
