finding yourself again through grief with the founder of guardian angel events, marisa anzevino

grief is journey, and those of us that have been through it know that it is a unique one, a difficult one, and a journey unlike others. but what we also know is that the other side of grief the grass isn’t greener, it’s just different.

in today’s episode, we’ll connect with marisa anzevino, founder of guardian angel events and also the event coordinator for the upcoming self-love archives event, bloom: an immersive self-love experience happening in long branch, new jersey this september 5th. get $10 off your purchase here when you buy tickets with the code "slapodcast10".

to find out more about marisa and book her for any upcoming event, click here. and find her on socials here.

we can't wait to bloom with you this september! 🌸 

connect with julia on instagram @beautybyjulia + tik tok @juliasalvia

unlock more archive content on instagram @theselflovearchive + tik tok @theselflovearchives

sign up for the self-love archives newsletter: www.theselflovearchives.com

Transcript

episode 37: finding yourself again through grief with the founder of guardian angel events, marisa anzevino

Julia Salvia: [00:00:00] Hi friends! I am so excited to invite you to the next Self Love Archives event, Bloom, an immersive self love experience coming to Long Branch, New Jersey this September 5th from 4 to 9. It's kind of like one of those events where you come whenever you want to, stay for a while, and then leave whenever you need to.

This event is meant to be. This place, this space where you can connect with other people, with other brands, and basically rediscover yourself and who you are. There are going to be so many amazing activations that are included with your ticket, including drinks, food, a pop up hair bar, a massage oil bar, some free lounge wear.

Like this event is so curated and so put together to make sure that you find creativity and inspiration from the event that [00:01:00] you leave loving yourself. More. There's so many more details, including the goodie bags and our vendors that will be in the space. I'm going to link all of that information, of course, in the show notes below, as I always do, or in the description down below, so make sure to check that out.

I would absolutely love to have you. As a reminder, there is a special code if you are listening for you to get $10 off of your ticket to bloom. Make sure to use the code SLA podcast 10. SLA Podcast 10. And yes, I'm telling you right now because you don't have to wait till the end of the podcast episode, but I hope you listen anyway.

Today's episode is a super exciting one because I am going to be chatting with the wonderful Marissa. And I think we can officially call her Marissa Anzovino, which I'm, I hope I'm saying that correctly, because she officially got married [00:02:00] to the love of her life last month. But I'm having her come chat with you today on the podcast because she has an inspiring story.

Not only that, I could not be planning this amazing self love event without Marissa. She's an event coordinator and the owner and founder of Guardian Angel Events, and I'm super excited to have the opportunity to share her story with you, and I can't wait for you to give it a listen. I

have the one, the only Marissa here with me, the owner and founder of Guardian Angel Events, and I'm so excited to have her here because I just told you guys all about Bloom, the self love, immersive self love experience happening in New Jersey on September 5th, and I could not do this event [00:03:00] unlike I say that so many times.

It's so heavy without her. So I'm so excited to have you here. I'm so excited to have you here and I'm so excited to share your story with everyone because I think it's, I do think it's really inspiring and I think it's a story. Tell me what is, well, actually before you really get into your story, tell everybody where they can find you and on socials, your website, and all that good stuff.

It's 

Marisa Anzevino: very simple. It is just guardian angel events across the board, Instagram. Facebook, Tik Tok, which I've got to learn to get a little bit better at my webpage, just www. cardianangelevents. com. I do everything from wedding, partial, full planning, bridal showers, baby showers, birthday parties, self love archive events.

You name it, I do it. Really just kind of there to give a helping hand. Planning a party is stressful, as you will [00:04:00] know. It's very stressful. So I'm there to just help put all the pieces together and keep the day as smooth as possible. And I love what I do. 

Julia Salvia: Perfect. I love it. And like I said, I really couldn't do it without her, so.

I mean, if you need a party planned or you need any help with any of that, right here. Yeah, you've got Marissa. All of her information is going to be in the description down below. What do you think is, I guess like, let's really dive into your self love journey. Yeah. I would love to know, like, where do you really think that began for you?

In the midst of having this big support system, like your family around you and Having guardian angel events before we even like get there. Like where do you think that your self love journey started? 

Marisa Anzevino: Oh goodness I Would really probably say it wasn't until [00:05:00] somewhat recently you know middle school high school, you're always trying to find yourself and Who your friends are and what you're doing for sports and extracurricular activities and you know Having a social life and I worked in high school I played sports.

I kind of did a little bit of everything So for me and even in college same thing I worked Had a great social life great group of friends was always out doing things but you know You're growing at that stage of your life. You're growing in middle school, you're growing in high school, you're figuring out who you want to be in college.

And it really wasn't until a few years ago that I really kind of figured out who I really was and who I wanted to be. And I would say now I just kind of find myself, I'm usually like a really, you would know, very [00:06:00] like organized and OCD and everything has to be a certain way. And I feel like lately I've kind of gotten into still like that, that hasn't, that hasn't gone away.

Hence why I do what I do. But I feel like now I've kind of understood that like, I'm a go with the flow. Like, I want to enjoy my life. There's so many things that I still want to do in my life and be. So I always feel like I'm still always kind of finding myself as the journey goes on. Yeah. But I like where I'm at right now.

Yeah, yeah, that's so good. I'm a, I'm a wife. I'm a business owner. Mm hmm. And, yeah. I'm doing all the things that I wanted to do in my life So I feel like within the last couple of years is where like it really started to hit me of who I was 

Julia Salvia: Yeah, like coming to that place of like really understanding like this is who I am and this is who I want to be Moving forward.

Yeah, where do you think in the past couple of [00:07:00] years like? Did it like hit you? 

Marisa Anzevino: Yeah. So that definitely which I know we've talked about briefly. I lost both of my parents within a span of three months. So, and I'm an only child, so that was a big life change. Yeah. Right there off the bat.

Yeah. Huge. Huge. So for me, a lot of that was. Now realizing that me as an individual person had the sole responsibility of taking the legacy that my parents had. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah. And 

Marisa Anzevino: really bringing that into my life and to the rest of my life and bringing that to other people. So that was kind of really where, so my, my mom passed in October of 2020.

So kind of a little bit in the midst of COVID, which we all know was a lot of fun. And you know, my dad was a little taken back of how to really go about his life [00:08:00] without her. Cause she was really the one that kept it all together. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: You know, my dad was. off the boat, born in Argentina. He came to America, didn't speak English.

So he kind of grew up very differently and always kind of relied on his sister and his mom to really take care of him. A lot of strong women figures in his life. So my mom was one of those for him. And, you know, unfortunately when she passed, it was very tragic, very sudden, nobody expected it. And that really kind of took Got him to a point of oh my goodness.

What am I gonna do? 

Julia Salvia: Yeah, 

Marisa Anzevino: and then I then started to take the role of helping him Get his life back on track. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah 

Marisa Anzevino: and get him comfortable Where he felt it was okay Unfortunately that didn't work out for him. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah, so 

Marisa Anzevino: when I lost my father, it was really like, okay, now it's all, it's all me. I gotta do everything.

So I, I [00:09:00] did, and it was challenging for sure, especially being by myself. There's really no other responsible person other than myself. So I, I took on the challenges, however I had to take them and I had a ton of help. Thank goodness for a lot of people in my family, big support system. So that was always great.

But I think that was really where just like everything took a turn. 

Julia Salvia: You went from one huge responsibility, basically being like the woman figure that your dad needed in his life to then taking on the responsibility, like an even bigger responsibility. So you went from like one to the next.

Yeah. And I, in a 

Marisa Anzevino: short 

Julia Salvia: span and yeah, in such a short span of time. And I can't imagine the, I love this, like the paradox between something horrible that happens in our life, where it causes us to grow or change in this way that we couldn't have ever imagined, because we don't know what tomorrow holds, we don't know [00:10:00] what's coming next, but at the same time, we can see the complexity of.

Just, just the portion or like the part of life that we cannot change. Yeah. Like we can't change certain things that happen. We just have to take them as they are. And we can either allow it to keep us in the place that we are in, which is currently in the, you know, in the present, but it'll, it basically pulls us to, you know, day after day, become more in the past.

Oh yeah. Or we can allow it to drive us to keep going. Yeah. forward. Yeah. And I definitely think that that's what you did. Of course. I mean, sure. 

Marisa Anzevino: At that point, there's really, there's so many things going through your mind of what's the right thing to do. Should I sit and sulk? Should I get up and go on throughout the day, even though you don't want to, you know, there's so many emotions.

And I think that was a big thing for me too. You know, like therapy at that time really was a [00:11:00] huge help because it allowed me to just Let everything that I was feeling in those moments just go. Yeah. And I didn't feel bad. Yeah. Or I felt like I was bringing anybody else into the situation. Even though they were already all involved.

Of course. 

Julia Salvia: But it's like you're not giving them like the burden of holding that for you. Because the, a therapist is just like not. holding any of that for you. Right. And 

Marisa Anzevino: they just, 

Julia Salvia: it's their job and 

Marisa Anzevino: they just like allowed you to just not feel guilty for feeling the way you're feeling, no matter how. And you shouldn't like, I've come to terms with like, you should never feel bad for the way you feel, especially in situations like that.

Of course. But you almost, it's so hard because you never know when those emotions are going to come. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's just a rollercoaster and you don't know when you're going up and you don't know when you're coming down and you don't know when it's [00:12:00] going to go upside down or when it's going to go backwards.

It's all out of your control. Oh yeah. 

Julia Salvia: I think grief is just, it's a wild rollercoaster because it really is. Even when you get to that, I almost like on the not that the grass is greener on the other side. No. I think the grass is different on the other side. Yeah. Is what I would say the grass is not greener on the other side of grief.

The grass is different It's a different it's a different kind of grass from a different kind of place But once you get to that like other side ish of like passing through that really hard part of grief It's not that you're not gonna go back. 

Marisa Anzevino: No. 

Julia Salvia: It's not that you're not gonna take steps backwards sometimes.

No. Because some You might feel like it. Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: Like sometimes you might feel like, oh my god, I'm going to that point. Like I'm going backwards. I'm going into the hole. 

Julia Salvia: Sure. And 

Marisa Anzevino: then, but you almost have to just let yourself do it. Yes. Like, let yourself have a moment. Let yourself just let the emotions out.

I've, I've learned, and I feel so [00:13:00] bad for my husband because he's my safe haven. So when we're home and I feel like that is where I'm most vulnerable to the emotions. You know, he does see a lot of that and he's so supportive. Unfortunately my husband never was able to meet either of my parents. So that was always a big thing for me too.

It's like, you know, my God, I'm, I'm just so emotional about them always in front of him and he's never even met them, you know? But he's kind of taken now that whole role of learning who my parents were through me. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: And kind of, Through stories and through what my aunts and uncles and my cousins My friends would talk about like everything that my parents did and yeah the people they were So he almost feels like now he does know them because of that.

Julia Salvia: Mm hmm 

Marisa Anzevino: But it's totally okay to just let yourself go. 

Julia Salvia: It's okay I think you have to and I totally [00:14:00] have to I want to kind of go a few steps back to when you were talking about how You You let it all out to a therapist, right? And there's I think a lot of people sometimes think that there's like three different kinds of letting it letting it out, right?

You could let it out to someone a person and You can let it out to a therapist and then you can also let it out with just you. Yeah, but I think us as humans we like the Almost like compassion and like the collaboration and like comfort. Yeah of having another human being Absolutely, we're not meant and not wired to Go throughout life just by ourselves, right?

That's not at all. So sometimes just like letting it out Just you isn't enough. Yeah, no, so letting it out to someone who? Doesn't know who these people are doesn't know what you're like talking about per se like doesn't live or walk [00:15:00] even You know, doesn't walk in your shoes, doesn't live your life, doesn't even live in your circle, if that makes sense.

Because what I realized after my dad passed away was that I, I knew that everyone was going to grieve him differently. Because everybody had a different relationship with him. But, at the same time, it's, it was tough because of the relationship that I had with him. To almost spill everything out with people who also had a relationship with him because it could It could lean Super supportive and it'd be a really great opportunity to like let it all go But at the same time it could also be Just this difference of you know, maybe I'm talking to someone who didn't have a great relationship with him Yeah, or maybe I had had a conversation with someone who did so it's it's tough to it's a double edged sword Yeah, it really is because You [00:16:00] don't know how someone is going through their grief and what they're doing I know that was so so big like I feel very grateful to like my courage and strength when my dad passed away because I was so firm in my Boundaries as to where I was at in regards to his passing Yeah Because I wasn't there for it and I did have the choice to be there for it and I made the choice to not Be physically there for it.

Yeah, You Because I knew the mental toll that it would have taken on me. And that was not to put the burden, essentially, like, on my siblings or anybody else. It was just that I was, I moved to Florida. Listen, 

Marisa Anzevino: there's, I mean, both of my parents, I didn't get to see either of them before they passed. They also were both in Florida.

You know, I had spoken to my mom. I would say probably a day before. Just through text. Talking, you know, normal things that you'd just randomly text your mom about. And then I was at my [00:17:00] cousin's football game. Which I wasn't gonna go to. And how all things align is crazy. Yeah. I wasn't going to go and I was like, Oh, you know, I got out of work early.

Let me just, let me go to the game for a little, it'll be fun. It's right by my home. So I went and we're there, the game is just about ending and you know, my uncle gets a call about my mom, but at the time I didn't know what it was about. He kind of walked to the side and you know, my aunt and my cousin and I are looking at each other.

Like. Something's not right. You know, you just kind of get that feeling. So my aunt went over and you know, I turned my head and all I see is my aunt put her face in her hands and I looked at my cousins and I'm like, something's wrong. I'm like, maybe it's grandma. You know, she was old. She had dementia.

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: So maybe, maybe something's going on. Maybe she went to the hospital. No, not the case. We got a call about my mom. She just, you know, wasn't feeling well. [00:18:00] She went home one day and from work, she said, told her coworker she was going to take a nap. She never woke up. 

Julia Salvia: Oh my God, 

Marisa Anzevino: that's crazy. And she had a, what's called a widow maker's heart attack.

So she kind of just had like an artery that clogged and just burst. And your chances of survival are like 1 in 4. You have like a 20 minute span to actually get yourself to the hospital. Yeah. Which would never have happened. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: So you know, it's like the crazy thing like that. You will, you're never, You're never gonna be able to figure out why, and you're never gonna get the answers.

Julia Salvia: Yeah, and you also can't hold that moment in time, like, against yourself. Like, I could've, 

Marisa Anzevino: I could've, I 

Julia Salvia: should've, I would've. And I did 

Marisa Anzevino: that a lot in the beginning. Not so much with her, I think maybe a little bit more with my dad. You know, my dad, unfortunately, took his life because of the emotion that he was going through.

And there [00:19:00] was, you know, of course everyone was just, well, what if I did this? And what if I said that? And what if I called him? What if I was there? And it's always going to be a what if. Yeah. Unfortunately, the only person who could have made that decision was him. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah. You know, 

Marisa Anzevino: we weren't going to change that.

Julia Salvia: It's such a hard lesson to learn too. So hard. It's such a hard lesson. I. My dad did not take good care of his health, and we knew this, and we kept telling him, like, you know, stop working, take better care of yourself, do this, do that, and, you know, You can't, it's like that, that, that horse saying, what is it called?

You can bring a horse to water, but you can't force it to drink. Like, and that's really what it is at the end of the day. Like you are not in control. You're not, you're only in control of yourself. No, you are not like, you are not in control of anyone else except yourself. So to put the burden on yourself of someone else's choices, right.

Or for the universe's choices [00:20:00] on how it, how your life pans out or plays out, how your story plays out is honestly ruining your life by putting that burden on yourself. Absolutely. And 

Marisa Anzevino: I think that 

Julia Salvia: was, you don't deserve that. No one deserves that. That 

Marisa Anzevino: was a big thing that I think I took away from it was that like if you had known my parents and the people they were, there was just There was no way anyone would have ever expected someone like my dad or someone like my mom to, for that to happen to.

Of course. And, there's, they were such vibrant, bright people with, even crazier personalities than me. And they were always the life of the party and everyone wanted to hang out with them. And everyone loved them as aunts and uncles and cousins and sisters and a brother and a friend that When they passed, everyone was in shock.

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: But then it was kind of like, you don't [00:21:00] want to think of them in that way, in the way that they died. Like, you almost want to think of them as the person that they were. And, you know, that kind of resonated with me a lot. I was like, you know, the more I think about it, the more I allow myself to be that person that's like, always like, super depressed about it.

Or just, you know, doesn't talk about it. You know? More people feel like they can't talk about these things. And sometimes, like, it actually I don't know if it's the same for you, but I feel like a lot of times I feel more comforted when I do talk about it. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah, because I think when we do talk about really tough things like this, like other people Oh, there's so many other people going through it.

Yeah, and other people feel, you know, of course everybody's story is different, like there is no comparison, but there are similarities that we can make in regards to the experience and how we felt about what happened to the point where it happened. Your story makes someone else feel comfortable to talk about their story.

Or same thing with my story or someone else's [00:22:00] story or our stories together and the similarities, you know, between them. Because my dad also had heart issues. He, I found him after he had a stroke. Yeah. Like, and. They, you know, they say if it, like, it was an acute stroke it happened within, I had literally just gotten home from actually Sammy's bachelorette party.

It's crazy. And I stayed a little extra at her house to eat something because we were starving. And I could have held it against myself that if I got home sooner, maybe I would have caught it. But that, you can't, you can't do that. And I'm sure that there's someone else out there that's doing that to themselves.

Of course. That's putting that. weight and that blame that they don't deserve because that's not something you'd be in control of either way. No. 

Marisa Anzevino: You're never in control of it, unfortunately. You 

Julia Salvia: have to take like whatever the universe gives you as it gives it to you. Yeah, the universe throws It 

Marisa Anzevino: always 

Julia Salvia: works in 

Marisa Anzevino: your favor too.

It throws a lot at you. It does. That's for sure. It throws a lot at you. But you know [00:23:00] what? You can only go forward. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: You can go backwards if you choose to, but it's never going to be It's never going to be the right choice. I just 

Julia Salvia: like always, I always ask like, I mean, in regards to like the self love, I'm like, why don't you just choose yourself?

Yeah. And in this case, why would you, wouldn't you want to choose to move forward? Right. Wouldn't you want to choose to love yourself more? Absolutely. Wouldn't you want to choose to move 

Marisa Anzevino: forward? And now it's great, like, it might be harder. It's definitely harder. But it's only going to get 

Julia Salvia: harder if you keep choosing to not go forward.

Marisa Anzevino: 100 percent agree. And, you know, I get so many people. Look at me all the time. I cannot believe how strong you are and after everything you've gone through like you Persevered and you moved forward, but you know, my first reaction is did I have a choice? Yeah, literally I didn't literally I had no choice.

Yeah, I did what I did because I had to Live my [00:24:00] life. Yeah, and I couldn't let those things although they were really You hurtful and, and heartbreaking things happen to me and, and the people around me, I couldn't let that alter or deteriorate what was going to happen for the rest of my life. Of course.

Yeah. I mean, I was 25 when I lost my parents. I'm now going to be. 30. 

Julia Salvia: No, it's you're in your thirties era. I can't wait. No, it's great. I kept saying that too. I was just like, thirties era, 

Marisa Anzevino: but I'm actually really excited for my thirties era. I can't wait. I, I say it as if I'm like so scared about it, but I'm honestly.

It's funny 

Julia Salvia: to like, look back at like when you were 18, looking at like your cousin or something, that's like 30 and you're old. And now you're, now you're like 30 

Marisa Anzevino: and 

Julia Salvia: you're just like, 30 is thriving. Seriously. And I 

Marisa Anzevino: can't wait for it. But no, you really, you [00:25:00] really, truthfully in at least my scenario, you really didn't have a choice and you kind of had to do what you had to do to get yourself to that better point.

So I really tried everything in my power and. That is not to say I do not have my moments or I don't still have my moments. I have moments every single day I think allowing yourself to have those moments too is so important. But they're little moments, you know, I I do tend to let it like bottle up a little bit, you know?

And then all of a sudden, one day I'm just like sitting in my closet hysterically crying. Fuck everything! I hate life. But it's okay because then afterwards I'm like, okay, I let it out. I feel good. I'm like, now we're going to move on to the next thing. I'm so sorry who was 

Julia Salvia: around me for those 24 hours.

And we move on and we get 

Marisa Anzevino: past it. So I love the fact that I can Tell my story and hopefully help other people in the sense of you're not the only ones and you [00:26:00] shouldn't feel bad. I think one of my biggest takeaways from it and you know, we just kind of recently, you know, with the wedding, it was a big thing.

I really wanted to honor my parents a lot. Because they were important people to me and, you know, to not see your only daughter. Get married. You know, share a dance, walk down the aisle, you know, be there when I'm getting hair and makeup done. Like, those little moments, you know, and it's so crazy because everyone's like, how do you do it at other people's weddings?

I'm like, truthfully, I don't have an answer. See, I cry, so. I think in my professional setting, when I'm working, I don't let it get to me. I'm usually super quiet. crazy busy that it doesn't even process. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But at other people's events, I'm definitely the one during the father daughter dance that I just turn and walk to the bathroom and then I come back.

Yes, yes, yes. I'm good. I'm all good. That was me. Didn't need to watch it. That's all. It's fine. Yep. But I [00:27:00] think the biggest thing was, you know, during the wedding and especially during all the planning I wanted to figure out ways to you know, honor them. So, you know, I had chairs reserved for them at the ceremony and also at the reception.

And at one point I really wanted to dedicate a song to them. So both of my uncles, my mom's brothers walked me down the aisle. And then I said, you know, I was back and forth. I'm like, do I share a dance with them? You know, what, what do I do? And it's such a complicated situation cause you don't want to obviously 

Julia Salvia: hurt anybody's feelings.

But you also Take the value 

Marisa Anzevino: away from what it 

Julia Salvia: should. Right. Like, I 

Marisa Anzevino: guess, quote unquote, what it should have been. So that's exactly what happened. You know, right from the bat, I was like, okay, they're gonna walk me down the aisle. I'm gonna share dances with them. Like, someone's always gonna take the place.

And then I kind of like took a step back and I'm like, you know, someone doesn't always have to take their spot. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: You know, they can still be [00:28:00] honored necessarily give that away. And I was so honored that both of my uncles were able to walk me down the aisle. And I know they were too. But I decided for the first dance that I wasn't going to share it with anybody because that's still kind of something that at the end of the day I'll always have with my dad, even though he wasn't there.

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: So I decided, I said, Oh, I'm gonna, Dedicate a song to them and like, we'll, we'll bring everybody in. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: Well, Our wedding was so crazy that we didn't even get a chance to like have a slow song, which I'm super happy about. Yeah. 

Julia Salvia: I 

Marisa Anzevino: saw pictures that looked like the best time ever. It was crazy.

Best venue, best vendors ever. They're all on my Instagram too, if anyone is looking for some great people. So good. So good. Phenomenal. But Yeah, I really wanted to do that. And then, you know, the DJ's like, I don't know if we should do it. Like everyone's kind of on the dance floor. [00:29:00] I said, you know what?

Don't worry about it. I'm like, let's just, let's just skip it. We're all enjoying. We're all having a good DJ to read the 

Julia Salvia: room. 

Marisa Anzevino: He, Oh, so God, 

Julia Salvia: phenomenal. 

Marisa Anzevino: But you know, I was back and forth about if I was going to feel bad for not doing it. And then, you know, my, my husband, before we had gotten married was like, you know, I just.

I want to look out for you. You know, I don't know how you're going to be emotionally the day of your wedding. I definitely did not know how I was going to be. I was preparing myself for a ton of tears and I did not cry once. Oh my goodness. I did really good. Haha. I just pat myself. I think 

Julia Salvia: I bawled my eyes out.

Marisa Anzevino: I mean like, makeup artist is going to stay for the entire time. I think I was so, I was so just in awe of everything about that whole day and it's something I dreamed of forever. Aww. So it was just like such a happy moment. That's so sweet. And I was just like, you know, maybe it was a good thing we didn't do it.

Julia Salvia: I 

Marisa Anzevino: [00:30:00] think it would have maybe brought me into a place where I just kind of like wish they were, I mean, of course I wish they were there, but 

Julia Salvia: it kind of more so would have set 

Marisa Anzevino: me back. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah. What I've just like 

Marisa Anzevino: literally put you 

Julia Salvia: in 

Marisa Anzevino: that 

Julia Salvia: place of like, and then, you know, 

Marisa Anzevino: before that we were talking and you know, he was concerned about how I was going to be, he was concerned about he was going to be.

And also how everyone else was gonna be. You know, it was definitely going to be an emotional day. Of course. In itself. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: For good reasons, but also for the reasons of them not being there. Of course. And that didn't just affect me, that affected a lot of people. Of course. And you know, I kind of got a little annoyed.

And I'm like, it kind of bothers me that, and I don't know if you feel this way, but like, it kind of bothers me that like. But sometimes I feel like now that my parents have passed, and you know, you've gone through the whole cycle, but now it's three, almost four years. And I [00:31:00] always feel like I'm the person who's looked at as the girl who lost her parents.

Yeah. And it almost just feels like Not shameful, but you almost just feel like, don't look at me that way. You're like, I'm more than that. Yes. Yeah. And that's just something that always has like been circulating in my head, you know, ever since that. In the beginning, you know, it was understandable. Yeah.

And now I'm like, okay, I'm like, I'm good. Like. I'm married, I have a beautiful home, I have a job, like, I'm doing okay. Like, I'm not doing bad. I'm doing the best I can for what was, for what cards were dealt for me. So I'm like, I just don't want people to just always think of me like that. I think 

Julia Salvia: Do any, does anybody say that to you?

No, no one ever says it. But I think it's maybe more just in my head. It might be, it might be you because I think we [00:32:00] look at ourselves in the mirror, right? And I say this a lot about cause I struggle a lot with like my weight and, and what not, and you know, I'll look at myself in the mirror and I'll think this, that, and the other thing like about myself, and then I'll remember that moment two years later when I gained more weight And i'm still looking at myself in the mirror that way and I look at that photo when I remember taking that photo saying yeah Like I don't look good And now here I am in the present looking at that photo being like, girl, you look fucking great.

What do you mean? It's kind of like that. Like when you're in 

Marisa Anzevino: high school and you wish so badly that you were like skinnier and now you look at yourself and you're like Are you joking? If only I looked like that now. 

Julia Salvia: But even when I look back at Pictures of myself from like a couple of years ago because I know that my life changed drastically Of course, like after my dad passed away and I moved and I started dating my boyfriend like so many different things changed and I can't [00:33:00] put that burden on myself of like how my life changed and And I think honestly coming off of birth control was a big part of that too And just like I gained weight and I would look back at pictures of myself You Like now, even now, like I catch myself doing it, even though I'm hyper aware of it now, of course, and I'd be like, You looked great, what do you mean?

So I think it's similar to that, in that, And I, it's funny because I do it in so many ways, and I'm just thinking about how, how much I create this persona, or this person, or this group of people that are hating on me or Telling me who I am. 

Marisa Anzevino: Yeah, 

Julia Salvia: when I get to choose who I am Yeah, you get to choose like who you are That's not up for debate.

That's not anybody else's choice so as much as like you go you might go throughout the day or in that moment when your parents Should have been there and were, [00:34:00] you know, supposed to be a big part of that day. You might've felt like that more almost like all eyes are on you, but not for the reasons that you would want it to be.

Yeah. The eyes are on you because potentially like the ego part of you is like, all these eyes are on me because they know what I've been through. Yeah. Not to celebrate me on this day. Yeah, 

Marisa Anzevino: no. I mean, I don't know. We had such, we had 220 people at our wedding. Wow. That's 

Julia Salvia: how many people are going to be at bloom.

Marisa Anzevino: But everyone just, there was such high energy and it just felt so good that for like, it was almost like for the first time since that you could just feel like everyone was just so happy to like be there and be a part of it. Yeah. Witness it. Like, it was, it was such an incredible feeling. So thank you everyone.

For making that day even more spectacular than it already was. But that was [00:35:00] like, you know, it was always something that was in the back of my head. Of course. It's part of 

Julia Salvia: your story. It is. But it's 

Marisa Anzevino: not who you are. It's not who I am. It's not. I think the strength and everything that, I persevered through it is who I am.

Yeah. And at the end of the day, like, I just want to, I just want to live my life and be able to tell their story. Like, I feel like that's part of me, is being able to like tell everyone who they were. 

Julia Salvia: And 

Marisa Anzevino: I think you 

Julia Salvia: are, because you said, you said earlier that they were the life of the party. And what do you do now?

I know. You plan parties? I plan them. I plan them. I think you're doing such a good job at bringing them into, or like basically keeping their life together. Their souls alive with you in this place. Like they're my guardian angels. Yes. The name is that, is that when you started guardian angel? 

Marisa Anzevino: It was, it was about let's see, my dad passed in January.

[00:36:00] So that July I actually went and interviewed. I was kind of gave myself a little bit of time. I left my job that I was currently at. When my parents had passed so that I can kind of figure out everything. I was in Florida for a while selling the house, moving things figuring out what I wanted to do with my life.

I had also in the midst of all of that had Broken off previous relationship and I also had to put down my little kitten. Aww. All in the span of the three months. So when it rains it pours. Yeah, really. Truthfully. When it rains 

Julia Salvia: it pours. As 

Marisa Anzevino: it's like raining outside right now. Yeah, it's 

Julia Salvia: literally pouring outside right now.

Marisa Anzevino: But, I still Went on an interview. I said, okay, now I finally like have everything settled. Like let's start figuring out where we're going to be now And I went on this interview and it went really well. It was at a hotel and venue so I was gonna be running like all of the events and it was like everything I wanted Like I always wanted to just kind of [00:37:00] like work events specifically for one location.

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: So that I can like learn the ins and the outs of the whole entire place and then kind of just like work all of the events through it. Got the job offer the next day. Great job offer. Benefits, this, that, salary, the whole nine. And I just stared at it. And I was just like, I don't know that I want it.

Like, I don't know what got into me. Yeah. And then I, I looked at my aunt and I was kind of just like, I don't think I'm going to take it. You know, it's, working in the event industry, I mean, as you can tell from planning, like, 

Julia Salvia: self love archives. SOS. Yeah. It's a lot. 

Marisa Anzevino: It's a lot of labor and time and, you know, working at a venue is just crazy.

Like, you, it's crazy. Don't have set schedules. You know, you kind of can't, I'm a very structured person. I like structure. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: So if I don't have a schedule and I don't [00:38:00] have structure to my life, I feel totally out of whack. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: And I think that was a big takeaway for me. I was like, you know, I've done that before.

I worked in Staten Island. I was driving 45, 50 minutes there and back every day. And then on the event days. I wasn't leaving work until two, three o'clock in the morning and then still drive all the way home And I was living by myself and I I almost like flashed back to that and I was like do I want to do this?

Julia Salvia: Yeah, 

Marisa Anzevino: and i'm like, you know, maybe Maybe helping my own thing I've gotten enough experience. I've pretty much worked in every aspect of the wedding industry from high school All the way through to college. So I was like, I think I kind of got this. I think I can do this. You know, and I sat with my uncle, who's my financial advisor.

Also my uncle. And we sat down and I was like, can I do this? Like, do I have the ability to take this risk? Because if I'm going to take the risk, I'm going to do it now. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: Before, [00:39:00] oh, family and, you know, my life gets even more crazy with all that. Let me do it now. I was single, you know, I didn't really have anything holding me back.

So I took it and I ran with it. And here I am now almost four years later and you know, it's great. It's not something where it's still full, full time. So I still work at a separate job to kind of just, Just fill the gaps cause nobody's having a party on a Monday, so and you know I do it, I do it cause it makes me happy, that's essentially why I do it, it's not really about the money, and you know, I just love helping people, I love how happy people are at the end of an event that I work it just, I don't know, brings me joy.

Yeah, 

Julia Salvia: I love seeing like the vision come to life, I think that's my favorite part of it, it's like. Really seeing the vision come to life after so much planning so many details And i'm all [00:40:00] about the detail. Yes, and it's like you don't even realize How many details go into it, especially if you're just an attendee?

Marisa Anzevino: Well, and it was crazy too because then when I was planning my wedding i'm like, oh my god This is gonna be like a lot. I honestly I love everybody so much. I think I'd really rather plan other people's than myself. There were too many options and I loved too many things that I was just like I can't This doesn't go with this and that doesn't go with that So that we're just gonna have to settle on one thing and just move on 

Julia Salvia: I feel like I'd be like 

Marisa Anzevino: can I have four different themed wedding?

Well, that was my thing. Which one do you 

Julia Salvia: want to come to? 

Marisa Anzevino: For my whole life I wanted to have like a wedding in July and it was gonna be like not fourth of July themed But like wine colors and like navy and gold don't ask me like where I got that and then I ended up with a black and white wedding It happened.

Neutral. Which I loved because it was like, I didn't have [00:41:00] to figure out all of the ifs, ands, and buts. Like everything was kind of just like one set thing. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: And it made it so much easier. My husband just actually gave me praise the other day. He said, you know, you really did a good job. Thanks.

I was so happy about that. You're like, thank you for noticing. Now you understand what I do. Now you get it. Yes. For everybody else. And it was so fun to finally do it for me. But I'm very happy that it's over. 

Julia Salvia: I hear that a lot. I miss the day, 

Marisa Anzevino: that's for sure. Of course, of course. I would go back to that day every day for the rest of my life.

But I am so happy that it's over. 

Julia Salvia: But what I want to ask you actually, Now that we know, like, we know what you do, we know what your focus is, we know what you're doing together in collaboration with me and the Self Love Archives, but I want to know just a little bit about Marissa. Like, who is Marissa? 

Marisa Anzevino: Oh God, I'm a lot of things.

A lot of people [00:42:00] say I'm the loud, crazy Italian, which I sure am. I am newly married. Hello. My husband Nick is great. We met about three years ago. Just recently got married in July. And really my life is just, it's just always something. It's always fun. It's always a little crazy. Come from a really, really big family.

family. Some right off the boat, some people still in Italy. And you know, I also have that Brooklyn side. My mom's from Brooklyn, so we're just a big dose of energy is really what we 

Julia Salvia: are. I love it. I love it so much. And, Tell me, what is next for Guardian Angel Events? What are you working on? What's, what's happening?

Marisa Anzevino: That's a tricky question. It's a tricky question because I kind of have to take [00:43:00] into consideration what's happening in my life. You know, right now we're obviously working on Bloom which is super exciting, September 5th. You better all be there. 

Julia Salvia: Tickets are, link to tickets is going to be in the show notes, description, link in bio, all the places, or you can literally just DM me or Marissa and be like, 

Marisa Anzevino: I want to buy a ticket to Bloom.

It's everywhere. Yeah. So, you know, working on that was kind of really exciting because this is kind of my first not wedding or more, I guess you would say, special occasion event that I'm working on you know, there's a couple weddings, I have a couple of smaller parties, but, you know, this year was kind of a, a year of Really picking and choosing what I wanted to do because of the wedding and everything leading up to it.

And I did not want to Overwhelm yourself? Yeah, overwhelm is an understatement. Yeah. But yeah. So I kind of took a little bit of a [00:44:00] Null. This year. And next year, like, I'm really hoping to just kind of expand my horizons on the different types of events that I can work or help with. Yeah. You know, it's not always about weddings and baby showers and birthday parties.

You know, I kind of really, I think this like opened me up, opened me up to kind of wanting to explore a little bit more about what's out there. Yeah. You know, I do like a lot of like the vendor events Like the shows and so I meet a lot of people and it's such a big industry. Oh yeah. The hospitality industry is just massive and it's a beast.

So there's so much out there that you can experience and learn. So I think I kind of wanted to take next year to kind of really see what else I can do. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: But then there's another part of me where. My goal my end goal is to be a mom. 

Julia Salvia: Mm hmm, 

Marisa Anzevino: so We'll see where that journey takes me. Mm hmm [00:45:00] But being a mom is probably my ultimate goal So I'm hoping that I'll be able to experience that and You know, I've had so many years under the belt of guardian angel events and everything leading up to it That i'm hoping that I can still take that While having a family and being able to balance it all So there's a lot I feel like in store.

You definitely can. 

Julia Salvia: Women are so fucking strong. Yes. Like so fucking strong. They are absolutely capable. We are absolutely capable of, of so many different things. And I think That having, I think that we all put a lot of like, obviously having kids is tough, it's hard, it's a lot, it's like a whole other job.

And I don't even really, yeah, and I don't even really know what that means exactly, because I don't have kids, but all I know is that I know my strength now. I know the strength that I've, [00:46:00] you know, brought out of me. From the things that I've gone through and I think that I am going to bring out even more strength within me when you know If that day comes like for me or if that day, you know comes for you that you'd be able to do it all I do believe you can do it all.

I think I can too It's just 

Marisa Anzevino: it's a lot but it's like there's only there's only 24 hours in the day. 

Julia Salvia: Of course, but that's 24 hours is a lot of time obviously minus your You Good a good seven and a half hours of sleep. That I definitely get 

Marisa Anzevino: Probably not so much once I decide to have children. I'd be getting seven and a half hours But yeah, I I think there's still so much potential for What I do Yeah, and that's really the goal.

I want to just see what else is out there and maybe it's not planning a wedding maybe it's It's, you know, giving my advice or kind of just sharing my experiences and [00:47:00] helping other people be able to, like, kind of do it on their own too. There's a, there's a lot. There's a lot to do in this industry and it's always, it's constantly expanding.

So, it's gonna be a lot of, Figuring out what that next thing is going to be, but guardian angel events will still stay and we're still, we're still planning tons of weddings. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: So I'm still ready to party and I'm ready to decorate. Because I love that. I love 

Julia Salvia: it 

Marisa Anzevino: so much. 

Julia Salvia: What would you tell someone who, well, two parts, what would you tell someone the most important lesson or the most important thing that you want them to take away?

To someone that is also in the event industry, in the hospitality industry, that wants to own their own business and wants to really just make something of themselves.

Marisa Anzevino: I say do it. Because sometimes you're never, you're never going to be able to plan when the [00:48:00] right time to do it is. So whether it's now or whether it's, Five years from now, 20 years from now, when you're retired from your career, whatever stage of life you're at and you really feel like you want to take it on, take it on, do it 

Julia Salvia: because 

Marisa Anzevino: there's no, there's no right time.

And there's also sometimes not really that much of a risk that you think there is. There's always something you can fall back on. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah, it always looks bigger than it than it might actually be. Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: Yeah, you know Don't get me wrong Owning a business on your own. I mean, that's another thing too. You get to pick and choose Like I chose to keep my business to a point where I am solely the only one working I do it because I enjoy it and I want to help others.

So to me, it's not about having 60 events planned in a year. [00:49:00] It's about helping the people that reach out to me that need my help, that need my guidance. So I never feel like, oh my goodness, I need to go out and advertise and I need to do all these things and I need to get so many people to book with me.

It's more of just. When they come, they come. Yeah. And when they need the help, and when they need somebody to put everything that they have envisioned together for them, I'm there for it. Yeah. And I can kind of do it on my own time, which is great. I love doing things on my own time. Ha ha 

Julia Salvia: ha ha ha! And what would you say to someone who has also lost both of their parents, and is trying to find a way forward?

Marisa Anzevino: There's so many things that, like, I could say as you know too, like, you're kind of in that same situation it's really just, it's so cliche, but [00:50:00] like, it's all gonna be 

Julia Salvia: okay. 

Marisa Anzevino: It, it, it is. It's, it might not feel that way or seem that way, but as. Days go on, weeks go on, months go on, years go on. It's always going to be there.

You're never going to forget about it. You're never going to not think about it. Or feel a certain way about the situation. But, that's okay. Like, it's, it's all, it's all going to be okay in the end. And that's something that I wake up and tell myself every single day. That like, it's just another day.

You're going to make more memories, and you're going to make somebody else happy. Or do something good for somebody, or for yourself. And like, those things are the things that are going to make you feel good. So, I would really tell myself, Just [00:51:00] say, to really just take, take everything day by day, but understand that it's totally okay to feel the way that you're feeling.

And when you feel that way, take a minute, take a second, go in the bathroom, breathe. Have those moments they do get better. I think it takes a little while. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: You know when you're in the midst of the heat of it all It doesn't feel like they're ever gonna go away like you're in your head like oh my god I'm gonna feel like this every single day.

This is terrible Yeah, and 

Julia Salvia: even saying like it's all gonna be okay. Like it it is such a cliche like yes, it's true But it's true. It's the worst thing. It was the worst thing when people said it like oh, it's gonna be okay Yeah, shut the fuck up Like, don't tell me it's gonna be okay. Like, I, yeah, sure, okay, fine.

Like, but no, like, and it was a lot. But when you put it into perspective, almost like, like you said it, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, like, if you were to keep track of your days, and [00:52:00] overall at the end of the day, like, how that day went. Like, if you were to rate it, I guess. Give, like, a rating on your day.

You would start to see that the rating in regards to your day or how you're feeling in regards to your grief, as long as you're continuously, like, pushing yourself forward, you would see that it would get better over time. And that doesn't mean it's linear. That just means that you're gonna have days where, like, that number is really high.

Marisa Anzevino: And then you're gonna have other days where, like, sometimes it's not even there. Like, you don't even realize it almost. And then like a week goes by and you're like, Wow, I had a good week. Like, I did good. You almost like, wanna like, congratulate yourself for it. And that's also a totally normal thing to do too.

Like, tell yourself that you did good. Tell yourself that you felt better that day than you did the day before. Because, Like I said earlier, like, [00:53:00] it's a rollercoaster. You never know how you're gonna feel, and even if that wasn't the scenario, no person wakes up knowing exactly how their day is gonna go.

Julia Salvia: Yeah, no, not at all. 

Marisa Anzevino: So, you have to really just move forward with that, and go into your day as if you're gonna have a good day, and if it gets to you, that's fine. Let it get to you. Yeah. Have your moment. Pick yourself up. And you move on I think like it's expressing like 

Julia Salvia: gratitude for those days that you you did Make that little step forward Even if like you haven't been brushing your teeth for the past like 10 days because it's just it's just too much I you know It's just too much The small thing is just too much like expressing gratitude that you finally did do that today and there's nothing to like There's no be embarrassed about it or you know, or you finally stopped rotting in your bed all day and you actually just Stood up 

Marisa Anzevino: and put clothes on, you know, and it's, [00:54:00] it's different for everyone too.

And I guess, you know, you, you think about when you lose a grandparent or you know, a pet and things like that. There's so many different traits of grief and sometimes they're so hard to describe. 

So I think to. You might, like, feel a certain type of grief that other people will have no idea what you're talking about.

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: And you're just like, how do you not feel that? Like, what do you mean you don't want to just curl up in a ball in the corner and just, like, not do anything? Yeah, 

Julia Salvia: everybody's experience is so different when it comes to grief. Like, I think I, I was so in my head. Yeah. Yeah. To like add to the conversation.

I was just so in my head when I was going through grief because I had already gone through a lot of shit when I was much younger and I had already experienced grief in like a couple of other ways because I think we can go through grief. Oh. Not [00:55:00] even just when you lose someone to death. No, of course.

Like we can go through grief by changing to be a different person. Yeah. We can go through grief when we Break up with someone or lose a friend or something along those lines grief is brutal. Yeah, it's it's definitely a really Interesting. It takes a toll on motion or interesting. Feeling or thing that we go through as human beings and I think I Tried my best not to judge myself for it And I think I had a lot of like kind of how you were feeling about yourself at at your wedding Like I had a lot of people You People, quote unquote people, in my head, not even real people, judging me for the way that I was going about my grief because I was like, is it looking like I didn't give a shit?

Is it looking like I got over my dad passing away really quick? 

Marisa Anzevino: Yeah. 

Julia Salvia: And I don't think that it was that. It was just that I chose to deal with it in the ways that I did. I allowed myself to like literally cry my eyes out for hours upon hours. Their 

Marisa Anzevino: grief is not even. [00:56:00] Showing that oh, yeah, some people don't show grief at all Oh, yeah, and you question like 

Julia Salvia: behind their behind doors.

You don't 

Marisa Anzevino: obviously know what's going. I think that was a big takeaway to like Prior to losing my parents, you know, I had gone through grief Obviously I had lost, you know grandparents and other people in my life But it wasn't until then that I really realized Like the depth that grief actually can go to.

Yeah, and just like how many other different phases of grief there is. Oh yeah. Where like, you know, you always wonder, like, prior, or when you're younger, you're like, Oh, why aren't they crying? Like, why are they not upset? But really, like, that is their grief. Like not crying and not showing that emotion.

Is there grief? Do you want to know what my favorite part of grief 

Julia Salvia: was? The dark humor phase. And I think honestly, I've been in that phase for a really long time and I'll never, I don't know if I'll ever leave it. I, I think, 

Marisa Anzevino: I think my thing, my, my, My dark phase of [00:57:00] grief is when I'm just like, oh, they're still here, you know, like I like deny it I'm, like that never happened.

I don't know what it was all a dream 

Julia Salvia: Sometimes it does get you like that. Like I said in another podcast episode of my friend kathleen that Grief is so weird because like you look out after it all happens like you look out the window and everything Who's there? It's almost like everything went to 4k.

Like if you're viewing life in 4k. But yet nothing 

Marisa Anzevino: else stops. Yeah. Everything keeps, everything keeps going except for what's happening in your life. It's the weirdest like 

Julia Salvia: paradox. You 

Marisa Anzevino: blink your eye and you're just like, and now it's like almost four years. Four years. Like I can't even remember sometimes like what my schedule was last week or just a month ago.

I look back at pictures. I'm like, wow, I can't believe that was like a month ago. Before years, it just, it's crazy how [00:58:00] the life goes on. 

Julia Salvia: Yep. 

Marisa Anzevino: But yet they're always still here. 

Julia Salvia: The 

Marisa Anzevino: only thing I don't have is the physical presence of them, or like, Pictures, I feel like is really hard. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: To like scroll through your phone and just be like, my God, I'm still scrolling and I still don't have a picture of them.

Yeah. You know, like I always wanna post for like their anniversary. Of course. Yeah. Or for like their birthdays. And I find myself scrolling all the way to the top of my camera roll and I'm like, wow. Like it just hits you in those sense where it's just like, I don't even have a picture in the last. Mm-Hmm.

200 pictures with them in it. Like, that's just wild. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: So there's certain things that like, just kind of hit you like that? Yeah. That you're just, 

Julia Salvia: there's just so many facets of it. 

Marisa Anzevino: There is. Mm-Hmm, . 

Julia Salvia: It's, it's a crazy, it's a crazy game. And I really think they hit you differently than like, so many other things.

Like grief hits you in a, in a way. In ways, yeah. That like other emotions don't really. Yeah, hit you like that. [00:59:00] Like it's a very unique. It 

Marisa Anzevino: really is. Place. It's not, it's not a place that I wish upon anybody. Yeah. But we will, I, we will all go through it. Yeah, everyone, everyone goes through it at some point in their life.

Unfortunately, you know, for us it was just at a very early stage of our life where I think It just kind of, it put all your cards on the table at once. It's like, here's your life choices. Here's your career. Here's your grief. You know, everything was kind of laid out and you almost had to like stare at it and be like, okay, which one do I choose?

It's like the climax of your 

Julia Salvia: entire life. Yeah. 

Marisa Anzevino: Yeah. Yeah. And everything was kind of just like all put up, put out in front of you and you had to, you had to pick grief first. 

Julia Salvia: Mm hmm. 

Marisa Anzevino: And then worry about everything else after the fact, which was pretty crazy. Yeah. But now, now we're, we're back. The cards are re dealt [01:00:00] and there's so many other good things coming.

So it's what you have to do one day at a time, one day at a time. 

Julia Salvia: So I have something exciting. So actually the day that this podcast episode goes up is August 11th. And I will actually be at the Self Love Archives one year anniversary, the 13th, which is so crazy to say. I had been sitting with, like, actually creating the Self Love Archives for a really long time.

And I wanted and have been sitting with coming out with a card deck. That is a thought provoking card deck a card deck that pushes you to drive pushes you to get yourself to go deeper with yourself in your own self love journey Because I think it's so incredibly important especially as we talked about like in today's episode with you like how incredibly important it is to Push yourself to go deeper so that you can learn more about yourself so that you can learn to love all of the things [01:01:00] Parts and pieces of yourself because self love is not rainbows and butterflies.

Yeah, no, I don't know so you get there Yes, you do you get to the rainbows and butterflies. It's all encompassing. It's the storm, but it's also the rainbow Yeah, it's all of the above. It's the sunny days. It's the cloudy days. It's the Pouring rain outside right now. It's the really crappy 

Marisa Anzevino: no sun at all days.

And sometimes it's the 

Julia Salvia: hurricanes and the tornadoes and sometimes it's just seeing life in 4k. So it's really cool. And I actually am going to have you pick a number cause I physically don't have the cards yet for the love yourself more deck. Okay. Then I'll have you pick a number and I am going to basically count the lines to that number.

So there's 100 cards in the stack. 

Marisa Anzevino: Oh my goodness. 

Julia Salvia: Okay. 

Marisa Anzevino: 100 cards. 

Julia Salvia: And as you think of a number, this is the first time you guys are hearing about this card deck, and I'm so grateful. It's just very aligning [01:02:00] that this is happening, like, on the year I just realized it was first sitting here. That's crazy.

How crazy is that? Perfect conversation about it, a conversation to have in regards to it. Cause like, this is a deep conversation. This is a conversation that's not easy to have. So I appreciate you having it with me and being here. And of course with Bloom around the corner, like that's the goal of Bloom is for you to be in a space where you feel connected, confident, and.

Just leaving the event loving yourself more whether that's because you were in a space that made you feel more creative and connected whether you were able to I Just keep wanting to say the word connect like yeah connecting whatever way that means to you. I think 

Marisa Anzevino: that is a Good word for yeah, I mean it's a place for Businesses to connect it's a place for people to connect it's a place to just You Really enjoy what's around you in the moment.

Yeah, so 

Julia Salvia: like, just, really just empower yourself. [01:03:00] Yeah. And to Leave feeling like you actually got something out of an event. Yeah. And to hang out with us. Yeah. Cause we're fun. So what is that number that you came up with? Okay, I'm going with 15. 15. 

Marisa Anzevino: Okay. Start counting.

She actually really has the whole book written down. 

Julia Salvia: I have it all right here. All of these questions were written with love. Okay, one, two, three, four, five. Oh, this is a really good one. Okay. What do you struggle to let go of? 

Marisa Anzevino: Oh, I gotta think about this for a second. 

Julia Salvia: Thought provoking. As Marissa thinks of her answer, the card deck is, as I mentioned, meant for you to go deep with yourself.

There is going to be three different categories in this card deck. Deep, deeper, and deepest. [01:04:00] And I feel like this might be one of the deepest ones, 

Marisa Anzevino: but that's okay. Cause I feel like it kind of resonates with what we talked about. Oh yeah. I feel like one of the hardest things for me to let go of is feeling bad for myself.

And not just in the sense of what I've gone through and the challenges that I've That have been brought to me in recently in my life, but just letting go of the things that always made me think, Oh, did that person, you know, not like me because I said that, or you know, did I do the right thing? Did I make the right decision?

Always just getting in my head of the choices I make and not just letting them pan out. 

So I think that's something that I truly haven't figured out how to just not let myself feel bad. [01:05:00] 

Julia Salvia: You don't actually know how it's going to pan out? You don't. I love the idea of that. You don't actually know. Even if you think something is going to be positive, you don't actually know if it is.

No. Not until the end. Yeah, not until it actually happens. So maybe that's how you move forward in letting those things go. Because I know most of the times when I do that, cause I do that too, I always am like, oh did they think I was a bitch, did they think I was mean. Yeah. They didn't even notice. Yeah.

Didn't even think the opposite. And you're just like, wow, really? She's so nice. She's so kind. And I'm like, OK. We are kind and nice. I, we are nice. Like, I, I know that I'm a kind, nice person. And I'm sure that you do too, but. Sometimes you just question it. 

Marisa Anzevino: Yeah. 

Julia Salvia: And you wish that that, you 

Marisa Anzevino: could just like let go.

I hate to say there are many times where I'm just like, Wow, I just sounded really bitchy. But, it [01:06:00] happens. We're adults, it's okay. 

Julia Salvia: It's fine. It is what it is. Well, thank you so much. Of course. For being here, I appreciate you so much. I loved being here. This was such a good conversation, and I hope that you guys found it inspiring and, and, All the things and hope that you connect to Marissa's story.

Again, so grateful that you're here and that you got to 

Marisa Anzevino: share it with everyone. Of course. I love being here. And I think it's really important to share you know, really hard instances like this because like we said, we're not the only ones going through it. So it's totally okay. And if you. DM me to just vent about your situation.

I'm all for it. I'm, I'm All ears and it's really opened me up to just like being there for other people going through it too. Yeah, because you really never know what someone's going through so you have no idea I always take that with a grain of salt and just take that with me throughout my day that [01:07:00] Someone else could be probably going through what I did if not worse.

So I'm always here. 

Julia Salvia: Yeah, I feel like you're always here too. Like we're always here To chat. I'm always here. To vent. It's okay. We're all humans at the end of the day. That's true. That is true. Well, we are so excited for Bloom coming this September 5th. Make sure to get your tickets, and there is a special coupon code in the description down below.

So make sure to check that out. It might, that coupon code might just be SLA Podcast 10. SLA, the South Floor Archives, SLA podcast 10. Get them now. Seriously, you don't want to miss. No, it's going to be a really, really fun event and I'm so excited for it. So grateful for you being here and for being a part of Bloom.

And I'm looking forward to not just Blooming together in our careers, [01:08:00] but also Blooming with you guys. I love you tons. Bye. Thank you again for being here and I'll see you guys later. Bye.