the self-love archives
welcome to the archive. it's time to love yourself more.
the self-love archives
grieving the past version of you + change is inevitable with spiritual medium, kathleen ives
if there's one thing thats inevitable, it's change. but then why is it so hard to live through all of the changes life brings us?
in today's episode, we'll chat with spiritual medium, kathleen ives, about the complexities of life, leaving our old selves behind, and truly embracing who we are no matter what we believe in.
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Hi guys, welcome back to the Self Love Archives podcast. I'm your host, Julia Salvia, and I'm super excited for today's episode because I have my beautiful, beautiful friend, Kathleen Ives, here, who I'm so excited to introduce you to. I have so many amazing things to say about Kathleen, and we have so many amazing things to chat about. Together with and to share with you. So I'm super excited for today's podcast. If I, I could say that a million times, but let's just jump right into it. Hi Kathleen. Thank you so much for being here.
Kathleen Ives:Oh my gosh. Anytime
Julia Salvia:Hi, Kathleen. How are you?
Kathleen Ives:So good. Happy to be here. I'm excited. I'm
Julia Salvia:so happy you are here. Please give everybody a little something, something about who you are.
Kathleen Ives:Well, I am Kathleen and there are many. Seashells in, my mermaid house. One of them being, I am a spiritual medium. I am an intuitive. I coach people on how to strengthen their intuition. And live a more aligned life. I'm a writer, I'm a death doula. I was also in marketing for the past 10 years. I'm a UGC creator. I do, I do a lot of things. Um, I'll sage your house. You know. You can find me on Instagram at Kathleenives, K A T H L E E N I V E S with an underscore. Also my website, Kathleenives. com and shoot me a DM and, I'm always happy to say hi and it's a fun, juicy place to be your authentic self and, I'm just really excited to be here.
Julia Salvia:Thank you. I'm so excited to have you here.. I want to start off today's A whole ass synopsis on your self love journey from the very beginning, um, to give you guys some info on like how me and Kathleen met. It was just like, One of those The Stars Align blind date kind of meetings. Literally. We had essentially worked together in some sort of way. I was working with a brand and they invited me to dinner and thought that Kathleen would just be the perfect plus one to this dinner and they were indeed correct because here we are today. And it's just been absolutely amazing from there getting to know Kathleen and, um, just all, all the good things really. So tell me, tell us, I want to hear about your self love journey and kind of how you came to where you are today. And then we'll dig deeper into each of those parts.
Kathleen Ives:And we love digging deeper. So help me. My self love journey has been a long one probably the greater portion of my life thus far And it started at a very young age. I was always taller, bigger, more mature looking, older looking than everyone I knew, all the kids, you know, I was always mad that I couldn't fit into Abercrombie kids and I had to go to the adult store. And so from a young age, there was a very different energy put around me and on me. And, you know, it caused a lot of self worth issues. I developed an eating disorder by 12, and it was The very obsessive, working out, counting calories, all these things. I was a child and, I, I just wanted to be smaller. And, and I, I even, even to this day when I sit, I have to think about my posture and like how I hold my shoulders. Because for years I would round. And try to make myself smaller. And I think a huge portion of my life, I tried to make myself smaller to make other people comfortable. And so, I'm finally in a phase of my life, which really took to my thirties, where I'm not making myself smaller to make anyone comfortable. I'm gonna be as big as I need to be. And, If that triggers people, then I'm glad that's helping them heal something that they need because, I'm done playing small, but, you know, growing up, I. I went through a lot of that and, you know, trying to get my confidence up and dealing with normal childhood adolescent stuff, bullying and, you know, confidence issues. And then when I got into a relationship, I was, I was 19 or 20 and this was, you know, a 10 year long relationship. So we were children when we met and by the time we weren't children anymore, I, I'm a, I'm a lover. I'm a giver. I'm a hopeless romantic. And, you know, I, I did really had to learn the lesson that you can't hold everything for everyone. And I've always had a large capacity to hold things for people and to hold stress and, emotional support and all of these things, but I would take it on. And then. You know, after a while, you have all of your stress and everything going on in your life and all the energies around you. You have all the stress and energies of a partner that you're also holding on to. And you're only supposed to be one person. You're not supposed to be multiple people. Yeah. So, um, I really let myself go and lost a lot of who I was. And I don't think I actually ever gave myself the space, chance or time to learn who I was. I think for so long I was trying to be someone for everyone else and trying to make everyone else comfortable and make everyone else feel a certain way. And I think I finally, after leaving that relationship, I gave myself the space. I was the first time I was alone ever to be like, who are you? Like, let's meet, let's, let's figure out what Kathleen likes. Let's figure out what I don't like, what makes me tick. Let's try new things. What, you know, what of the old things do I like and which ones was I just doing to help other people not help? But you know what I mean? I think it took a lot. I mean, People are like, Oh, you, you transformed so quickly. I'm like, I had a lot of energy that I freed up, which was able to come in like waves and teach me a lot, but I also released a lot and there were so many days. You know, everyone sees my page and they're like, Oh, you're so happy all the time. And, and I genuinely am. But, you know, it's two sides of the same coin. With, with all that joy and happiness, there's also days I'm scream crying into a pillow. And, and that's okay. You know, it's the acceptance and allowance of that, that has helped me love myself more fully. Because it's all of the parts of us that we have to love. It's not about picking and choosing the parts that we like, that we love. It's all of the parts. And so, um, yeah, it's been, it's been quite the journey,
Julia Salvia:I mean, ten years is a really long time. Mm hmm. Like, to be giving all of your energy and all of you to someone else, to other people, even if it's, you know, You know, past longer than that. And you were doing that prior to this relationship, this long term relationship. It's a really long time to not know who you are. So to have this moment of like freedom. Where this piece of you, because of all of, you know, you're giving, giving, giving, they literally become like a piece of you when you should have just been, you know, you should be a piece all in, in yourself. It should just be you and this other person and you come together. Like you're 100%, your cup is overflowing. This other person is 100%, their cup is overflowing. And you're just deciding to come together. Together to overflow into each other, not be half empty or be 100 percent giving 50, 50 of you to the other person and filling their cup so that they can overflow. That's not, you know, we need to be 100 percent filled and leave our overflow for other people. The Pinterest smoothie.
Kathleen Ives:Yeah. That's my visual. The Pinterest smoothie where it's like piling over and dripping down the side. Yes. That's how I think of my cup. Exactly. Like, Pinterest smoothie is the standard.
Julia Salvia:So I'm surprised that other people would be surprised at this immense amount of growth that you went through so quickly. After leaving such a long relationship and and it's not even the leaving of the relationship It's leaving the tie or the bond with something or someone else that has I don't want to say like jailed you or kept you in a box, but like kept you in a box I feel like, I like to look at it this
Kathleen Ives:way, it's more so, I had to grieve that version of me that I was in that container of my life because, you know, in that period I lost my soul dog, I changed jobs, I moved, like, a lot of pieces and parts, and I think people don't realize with great change and with Wanting to change your life or it's going to cost you your old life. And that old version of you, you do need to grieve, you know, because I was with her a very long time and you know, she was, she did the best she could, and I think being able to let that version of me go and fully step into the new version of me that I want to be and put forth into the world. That, that takes some balls. Yeah. Like it's, it's, it's scary. It's sad sometimes it's, um, your footing can be a little unsure, but yeah, it's almost like a, it's a grieving of a past version of me more so than even the relationship. It was, it was very much who I was then versus who. I am now.
Julia Salvia:Yeah, exactly because everything is so brand new. I think that when we, it's such, it's, it's a really hard process to go through like grieving this past version of ourselves because we don't know necessarily who that person is after. Right? Like we're just, everything that we thought we were, everything we knew we were is just completely being trashed and rewritten or written over, crossed out, edited, it's, we're becoming a completely brand new person. And maybe some small things remain, like maybe your favorite color is the same, maybe you still really like that 90s movie. But for the most part, like, Kathleen is turning into a completely different person. We are turning into completely different people when we are grieving this past version of ourselves. I think that too is a reason why it's so incredibly difficult sometimes to decide to leave such a longterm relationship because we don't know who we're going to be. Not necessarily without this person, but maybe without this person, without this home that we've built together, without this, this is a safety. Yeah, exactly. It's scary making such a big change to something that's such a constant in our lives. Even if that constant, even if you know deep down inside that that constant, that that relationship isn't a good one for you. And it's very.
Kathleen Ives:You know, I've come to realize also, people always say like, Oh, it was your whole 20s or what, like, you know, people think of time as this finite, things and and to some extent, you know, we don't have unlimited time, but I really believe everything happens in its own timeline the way it should. And, I needed to be there then to be where I am now. And I'm grateful for that. I always think it's fascinating. When I was little, I would go through my yearbook, like school yearbook, you know, the last day of school, you're so excited, everyone's signed your yearbook, have a good summer. I think one of the weirdest things people would write, constantly, is never change. Have a good summer, never change. Love ya. Don't change. Even to this day, I've left companies and things where, you know, they'll give you a nice card and they're like, I hope you never change. I understand the sentiment, and thank you, but God, what a horrible thing to say to someone. Yeah,
Julia Salvia:like, why is change so bad? Please
Kathleen Ives:change. Please change. I hope you change. I hope you constantly change. The only constant in life is change. So, if you don't change, how stuck you must feel. And, uh, I always marinated on that and thought it was so interesting, how so many people's mindset, but really it's, it's not about you changing or not. It's about they think of you a certain way and kind of like how I went back to growing up. I would always try to be whatever people needed me to be instead of what I wanted to be. That plays into that concept where, you know, you are One way to ever like a certain person thinks of you one way and that's how you fit into their life And that's how they're comfortable with you in their life. So you changing actually makes them uncomfortable. So it's actually about them It's always about us, you know, like yeah, we're that we're the stars of our own TV show everyone else's co stars and that's just a fact of being a human being but Yeah, I always thought that was an interesting concept and realizing that You know, sometimes when you grow and change and it's some relationships that may fall out of your life that's just the ebb and flow of the river because They're you're no longer fitting into what they need you to be in their life. It's not really about you
Julia Salvia:I always say that people interpret who you are however, they Like, based on however they want to interpret who you are. For sure. A lot of mirrors. Like, I am sure that I am the villain in someone's story, I'm sure I'm the hero in someone's story, I'm sure I'm the best friend, I'm sure I'm just an acquaintance, like, I'm sure that I am everything under the sun in everyone's story, and I have no control over that. I just need to know who I am and whether who I am makes someone else uncomfortable because they interpret it that way is on them, not on me.
Kathleen Ives:Yes. A thousand percent. So be
Julia Salvia:uncomfortable.
Kathleen Ives:Your story is the only one that matters that you're writing to you. Everyone else can write whatever they want at any time. And you also have that ability and the people around you, you know? You, you are writing what they are to you at any given time and that's okay. That's how life is, but I, I think I've had a huge, massive lesson in non attachment. I always say connected to everything, attached to nothing. That's been my mantra lately because it's like, you know, I used to get so attached to things and I would be very sentimental and I'm a hopeless romantic and I, you know, I like to feel. Secure and connected to people. But when you start to get attached to a certain person, place, thing, job, idea, um, it doesn't foster room for growth. And it's scary to be unattached. And that doesn't mean you're not fiercely loyal and devoted. It doesn't mean that at all. It just means, you know, the only constant in life is change. So you're flowing with your river instead of. Putting more rocks in it.
Julia Salvia:Yeah, I, I like that. I think that a lot of us are, I think that we can just be afraid of change.
Kathleen Ives:Mm hmm.
Julia Salvia:And it's because we don't know what comes next, when the change takes place. And it's, it's totally okay to be in that fear, to sit in that fear, or that anxiety, or those thoughts of what could be. Mm hmm. But I always think about change in this retrospect, like, because we view change so negatively, our first initial thought is that this change is going to lead to something not so great. When we don't even actually know if it's going to be great or not, even if we do view this specific change, like we want to move somewhere or change jobs, and we're looking at this as a positive thing, we're We don't even actually know until we get there, whether or not that is going to be something positive, or it is going to be something negative, or it's just going to be a stepping stone to the next thing.
Kathleen Ives:Totally. And it's all how you look at it, too. Like, if you believe, you know, the universe is always working in my favor, things are happening for me, not to me, the more you trust in that, The better you can shift your perspective on things that are like negative or seem negative at the time You know, like I I did an interesting like yin and yang on a project I'm doing and I've listed out like all the things that happened in my life over the course of the past like two and a half three years And I did it from two different perspectives One would be like a depressing perspective. You know, my house flooded, I lost a dog, I have a relationship, I mean, all these things. And it's like, wow, how hard your life is, you know? And then I wrote them from a positive perspective of just like, not toxic positivity. I'm aware of everything that happens. But it's a perspective of, okay, this allowed me time to do this. This allowed me to have more of a savings to do this. This taught me how to deal with this. And this allowed me to meet myself in order to have all these experiences. So it's really the way you shift your internal mindset to look at anything. Anything that really matters. You know, it's, it's all how you're viewing it.
Julia Salvia:I love that. Cause I've definitely done that in many, many, many pieces and parts of, of my life where something really, I almost feel like I've got it down to a science, something really shitty happens. And I take my moment to grieve, to be sad, to be angry, to be disappointed, to be any of these emotions that are most of the times, at least for me, difficult to get through. And I allow myself the time to feel that I recognize and I'm grateful for all the things that I'm feeling and for all the Change that might be taking place But then I move myself forward knowing that this is what the universe has in store for me That the universe is always working in my favor and that there is something ahead that this will then make sense for or about like when I lost my dog like it Of course it did not occur to me, like, when it happened, and it was a very, very, like, tragic situation, and it did not occur to me, of course, during the very moment when it happened, and maybe, like, the week of. But I gathered myself together, and, and, I moved forward knowing that change is change, that there wasn't anything that I could do in this moment, that, knowing internally who I am too and what bad habits I might take on from this very sudden thing and not so great thing that happened. And move forward in life, looking back on it, realized that it was the universe putting me in this position to it's like sad, but I'm not sad about it. It's like the universe put me in the situation to be completely. Utterly alone so that I can learn how to be by myself in its entirety and Truly get to know who I am and I know that you've had like a similar experience where the universe kind of Moved everything out of the way to say here you go. Now. You are completely by yourself Learn who you are, figure out who you really are without all of these other responsibilities, people, and things going on. After that happened for me, after my dog Athena passed away, we went right into COVID. And all of a sudden, I had just got out of a relationship, my best friend, my dog, had passed away, and I'm alone. I'm alone. Not just alone, but like alone alone because we were confined to our homes for the most part. So I really had to get to know my space, get to know who I am. And I wouldn't, I, I, I struggle saying like, I wouldn't change it for the world, but I think it's just, I say that in a way of. I'm grateful for however my path comes to be because I know that it's all working for me at the end of the day. And I wouldn't, like you said before, I wouldn't, I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for all of these things that had taken place.
Kathleen Ives:100%. I, I always say Lily, my soul dog that passed, her greatest gift to me was her passing. And, you know, before I could never even think of losing her. I could never even dream of, of like, like even thinking about not having her with me, I would cry. And I, I've, many people I know they're like, I can't even, I can't even think about not having my dog, but in a totally normal or person relationship, whatever.
Julia Salvia:Yeah.
Kathleen Ives:But it was such a beautiful eyeopening sort of juxtaposition when. You know, the day came that I knew it was her last day. It was the most beautiful day and the most stunning witness of unconditional love I've ever experienced. I was crying, not even out of sadness, out of like overwhelming love and, and everything that happened. I mean, My partner and I, at the time, we went and got ice cream after. And even in the sky and in the, in the streetlights, she kept sending us signs. And it was like, wow, it really hit me that they're not gone. They're not, we're not alone. I mean, I've come to learn in the years since then, you know, the, the other side or whatever you want to call it. The veil is. Then I'm a sheet of paper, you know, and so it really was the catalyst to this entire new world, this new journey I was on of learning and discovering and stepping into my own abilities and power. And it's, I mean, she gave me that gift. I mean, her passing, her death, her transition. It was such a monumental moment of change in my life. I'm grateful every single day that she gave me that gift. And even though we had amazing times together and she held so much for me, truly that experience of her passing was one of the most monumental things that's ever happened to me.
Julia Salvia:Yeah, I had a similar experience when my dad passed away. I was on a plane. Um, I was actually like on a, on a flight home and I had a window seat and normally I don't choose window seats. Normally I choose the aisle seat cause I just want to like spread out my legs. Um, and I had a window seat and I had looked out the window and it just so happened that the sun was going down and, um, I looked back on that day. It was the most beautiful. I have a video somewhere, my phone. It was the most beautiful like sunset I'd had ever seen. And it was actually a cazimi that day, which is when the sun and a planet come together at the same degree, they conjunct. And, Usually cazimis, not usually, cazimis are always just a beautiful, beautiful day of energy. So it was, it was really interesting. I later found out that I kept seeing 1 2 2 2 like a couple of the week before he passed. And it turns out that he passed at 2 2 2.
Kathleen Ives:And I
Julia Salvia:realized that the numbers Like all were weirdly in line. He, the day that he passed was October. So 10 22 2022 And that the number 12 22 that I keep kept seeing like on the clock I would see it so much to the point where I was like, what the fuck? Well, like what the hell? Why do I keep seeing one? It's his birthday It was almost like and I didn't realize it until we were in the car You on the drive to Um his wake and all all those services and everything. It was just a really weird Comfort or like circle kind of moment, but just like you everything just seemed so much Brighter. It was almost like I was watching my life all this time in 1080p and then all of a sudden everything's in 4k.
Kathleen Ives:Yeah,
Julia Salvia:it was so Weird and that's not to take away like the horrible moments the reality that set in All of the things that I think no one really considers when any you know, anyone you love passes away Because we live on this Human. Yeah, we live on this like reality this humanity Earth planet So, not to take away from all of those things that were not easy, but it was just so interesting to see life go from 1080 to 4K.
Kathleen Ives:Yeah. Well, it's because the truth behind that transition of death is actually a really beautiful thing. And, you know, Ram Dass said it best, it's like taking off a tight shoe. You just, you feel like, you know, and it doesn't matter how traumatic somebody passed, it's, it's like taking off a tight shoe and I've seen time and time again with my clients, the little signs and things they're sent, I mean, were our biggest barrier. You know, we often choose to suffer nothing biologically. Makes us suffer. It's, it's a humanistic trait we have, and that's not to say, of course, you're going to grieve like, but, you know, we're our biggest barrier because so many people, once, once you open your heart and your mind to receive signs and, and feel held, I mean, they come, your dad sends you microwave numbers all the time. Like, he's, he knows. He's like, Julia's, she's gonna look at these numbers. I'm gonna, I'm gonna keep sending them. Yeah, it's interesting because a lot of the, I, I like to think of it from what I've been shown. And I know I've, I've read for you and sat with your father before. When you pass, I see sort of like a, The best way to describe it is like, after a football game, when the team goes back to the, um, locker room. I'm not a football girly, but this is the visual I'm getting. And they like re watch the game. And they rewatched the plays and they're like, okay, Kyle, you could have done a little better there, or had you gone left, this would have, this path would have happened, and then you could have gotten to the end zone, and yeah, so, you know, rewatching that game you just played. And learning from it, that is sort of the process once you cross over. And, it has varying degrees of, of, what you learn. But if you think of earth as like a soul school, this is kind of your review of your semester, you know, if you will. And so a lot of the times when people are like, well, I didn't have a good relationship with so and so, or they were a mean person or whatever. There's thousands of factors, karmic, dead, whatever your sole contract is. Lots of things that can, factor into that, including free will and choice. But when they do this life review, you learn a lot of things that they're like, oh gosh. Like, wow, had I known what I knew then, you know, how many times did we say, had I known what I knew then?
Julia Salvia:Yeah.
Kathleen Ives:And I like to think of this life as just a page in an encyclopedia of lives we've had. If you can open your mind and heart enough to zoom out and kind of drone out and see life from a bigger picture. And, you know, I'm not saying that you have to believe me or whatever I'm saying. Whatever resonates with you, take it. Whatever doesn't, leave it. But I do encourage people, regardless of your beliefs, to drone out and think of things from a bigger picture and be more open minded to the possibilities because I've been shown so many possibilities out there that you wouldn't even believe. And so it's like, the more I know, the less I know. It's like, okay, all of these things I've been shown, I know nothing. Like, this life is so Like, we think we've got it down and we've got, like, I just, I've just surrendered at this point. I'm like, I trust in the universe, I trust in what I feel, I trust in the energy, I trust in my relationship to the other side. I don't care if people don't believe me. I just I know that the more I surrender, the more magic happens in my life.
Julia Salvia:And, um There's so much to learn.
Kathleen Ives:There's so much to learn. There's so much to learn. Why not? I can't be
Julia Salvia:open to it. Why not?
Kathleen Ives:It's scary for people, you know? I think
Julia Salvia:that's what it is, and it comes back to change. Like, Being open, being vulnerable, being just open to the possibility that some things could happen, some things could be true, some things could be, some things could work, is scary for people because it brings change.
Kathleen Ives:Yeah, and it also, it gives you less excuses of why you are stuck where you are. People love excuses. They love, misery loves company, they love being a victim, and if you truly open your mind and your heart to possibilities, then there's infinite other directions you could be going in, so then it makes you feel worse to be like, okay, I'm stuck in this, this space, but the flip side of that is like, okay, but look at all these other doors you could open. And one of them's gotta be cool that you like, you know? If I'm in a room full of doors, I'm a curious little kitty. I'm gonna, I'm gonna open some and see what's going on. And if it's like, I'm not cool with this, just shut it. Go to the next door. It's, it's not that complicated. Um, but I, yeah, I really think the more open we can be. I mean, the more peace. You'll have it. It's like the thing you're scared of is probably going to solve your problems to be honest.
Julia Salvia:Yeah there's a point like that in astrology called chiron and it's the the meaning of this placement wherever it is is Where you have pain but also where you'll find healing and I love this placement so much because it Whenever I look at someone's like full chart, even when I look at mine mine is in my first house Mine is in my house of self. So there's a, this constant pain in regards to who I am, but healing in regards to who I am. So it's very, it's, it's just like home plate for me, for some other people, they might have it elsewhere where they find pain and healing in regards to their fifth house of creativity and fun. Maybe they're always finding that. Things, the things that they're doing, the things that they are partaking in in life are just not fun. But yeah, maybe they just haven't found the right ones. It's like being open, but being open to the possibility
Kathleen Ives:open.
Julia Salvia:And I would say, I know this is all very like woo woo stuff for a lot of people. Like mediumship, astrology, like reading into other things that are, might not be physically in front of us. But I always say, if it is going to help you, why not try? Why not be open to the possibility of it working?
Kathleen Ives:People label things as woo woo out of fear. Yeah.
Julia Salvia:It's like you can't go to therapy if you're closed minded. It won't work.
Kathleen Ives:Exactly. And I think people like to put things in boxes and labels and things that scare them or they're not open to. Let's put this in the crazy girl box. Let's put this in the woo woo crystal girl box. Let's put this in the hippie girl box but it's it's not really you know, there are obviously people that are Not grounded in the space and you know, there's there's all kinds of people in every space. Um, but I think if you come at it from a realistic perspective, i've always remained very realistic in my um, My practice and my beliefs and you know, I truly believe yes, I could meditate for three hours and have my theta waves up here and be in spirit and have a great time, but I also need to live as a human being on this life. And so I've always wanted to use my relationship with spirit to help people have tools to actually live their human lives. So I think. So many people get caught up in spirituality being this, , escape, almost, from their human life, where it's actually, in my eyes, supposed to help you live the best human life you can, and to learn the most that you can, and to experience the most that you can, you know, I'm, I don't see it as an escape, I see it as a, a home base, a grounding, a way to grow. You know, a curriculum almost to, to move forward, and embrace challenges easier and things like that. Not so much, and people look at, if people think it's crazy to believe in the other side and this and that. This may be controversial, but I think a lot of belief systems, religions, whatever you want to call them. All sorts of things people follow to believe in something higher than us. Even atheism, you know, they're all something that gives you something to believe in. whatever the spectrum, but I truly believe at the core of it, if you take away all the greed, the money, the, the humanistic characteristics people have put on these systems for years and centuries, the core of all of these belief systems is to feel connected and to feel love and to feel something outside of ourselves. And I think no matter what you believe. It's different cookbooks, but it's, it's different ingredients and different cookbooks and different languages and different amounts, but you're still making food. You're still cooking, you know, it's, it's just different recipes, but the goal is the same. Everyone's trying to eat. Everyone's trying to nourish their soul in some way. And so I think that the way you can look at that, at least for me, it helps me. Um, look at all the differences, not as differences. It's like, we, we've come from such a separatist type of world lately that we've grown into where it's like, actually, the more immunity we can have and the more realizing common ground with people, even if you don't speak the same language or you're on the other side of the world, there's so much common ground and so many things we all experienced together. I'll talk to my girlfriends about certain things that are happening in my life. They're like, Oh my gosh, the same thing is happening. Or I just went through that. Or they'll be like, two months later, they'll be like that thing you had, I have the same thing. And it's like, that is not a coincidence. Like people are going through similar collective experiences. And so I think the more we can recognize that instead of rejecting it, um, and just embrace it, I think the world will be a happier place.
Julia Salvia:Agreed. 100%. We always, I think. Going back to what you said about escaping, like using our belief systems as an escape or using anything else as an escape. Whenever I picture the word escape, it is kind of like this tunnel that you're running through, and the tunnel ends up being a circle. And you just end up exactly back where you were. Until you finally, actually, like face it, head on. So if we use any of our belief systems, even if we do use like astrology or any of these more woo woo belief systems as a way to escape the reality that we're living in, we're not ever going to be able to synchronistically, if that's even a word, synchronistically, um, live in this reality of humanity. Totally. You're always going to be chasing something. You're always going to be chasing or escaping away from what you're just going to keep being brought back to. And that has to go. The universe
Kathleen Ives:serves you patterns on a platter until you've learned. Every time. Every time. I mean, how many people have you known that'll be like, I'm going to move here, I'm going to move there. Or yourself, maybe. But like. Yeah. Yeah. And then you see these people, they're constantly moving and they're constantly running around and their problems don't go away just because they, you know, are in a different country or a different state. It's, it's. You don't, you don't need to leave to change. You can change wherever you're at, at any given time. Um, it's as long as you make the
Julia Salvia:choice to do that.
Kathleen Ives:The choice. It's all about choice. It's all about intention. It's all about the energy you put into things. I mean, I, I have had many a discussion, with my family and my mother and things about like energy. And I think people. Almost reject the word energy at this point. They're like, oh, it's energy, but like, literally scientifically matter is a bunch of atoms and atoms are literally energy. So everything is energy and you know when you come up, when you're in the store and some creepy person is behind you kind of following you or in an alley and you get that feeling, they didn't say anything to you, they haven't touched you, nothing, just get that feeling. That's an energy you are picking up. That's your intuition. That's an energy from their field. When you meet someone you've never met before but you're like, Oh my god, this person's awesome. Like, I love this person. Like, I want to be around them more. That's an energy. It is in every single thing around you. Look around your room, wherever you are. Every single thing was a thought. Before it was matter somebody thought of it. You know this this table. I'm sitting on didn't exist until someone thought Let me take some wood and and build a table because we need a table like so so to think that you're so limited That you can't create anything that you desire or want to manifest is Wild to me. It's um, you know, people's limiting beliefs are the only things that are holding you back. Truly.
Julia Salvia:A million percent. A million percent. I, I, that's what I say too. I, I, like fear holds you back, but it's
Kathleen Ives:you who holds you back. Yeah. And the more you work on yourself, the more you love yourself, the more self love you cultivate, the more confidence you have, And that is directly proportional to overcoming that fear because it's not that I don't feel fear anymore. I just love and trust myself enough and have the confidence that even if I'm scared to do something, I know I'm going to be okay and I'm going to get through it and I'm going to deal with whatever comes at me. That is truly self love to me. It's not an absence of fear. It's Even though I'm fearful, I'm going to jump because I know I will be caught and I will catch myself.
Julia Salvia:It's the overarching umbrella. I always say like self love and that's why I'm here like with this podcast. That's why I'm doing what I'm doing because I am truly tired of seeing people put self love on this pedestal because self love is not just looking in the mirror and being like, I love you or being happy with who you are. No, it's the all encompassing complexities of everything that you are, all of the pieces of yourself that you do love, all of the things about yourself you may not love, but you choose to love anyway. All of the things about everything of who you are that make up the person that you were, the person that you are, and the person that you will be.
Kathleen Ives:Yes.
Julia Salvia:And like I said, it's the complexities and I think this whole like chat with you has been so much about the complexities of who we are as people. And that two things can be true at once. We can be grieving the loss of someone that we love at the same time of feeling all of this good energy that they have left with us.
Kathleen Ives:Yes. The ying and the yang.
Julia Salvia:Yeah. It's constant. Exactly. Like we can feel, we can feel, we can be all of these things all at the same time. And the allowance. Yeah, we don't just have to fit into one box.
Kathleen Ives:Totally. I think one thing that's come up a lot to me lately, um, especially with some of my clients, is This feeling of guilt we put on ourselves and we think, well, if someone in my life is going through something really tough, then why do I deserve to have happiness and joy and all of this? Or, you know, if my parent is going through this terrible thing. I feel guilty being able to live my life and having joy, or if all of these terrible things are going on in the world right now, how can I be going on vacation and, like, laying at the pool and whatever? And that's a false guilt we put on ourselves, and the way I look at it from an energetic perspective is, You know, I said misery loves company. If you take everything from a perspective of sheer energy, and there's all this trauma and negativity happening in the world, that negative energy wants more negative energy. It wants to grow. It wants to attract more negative energy. So if you, Decide, Hey, I'm going to be depressed because of all this negativity happening. Then you're, you're feeding more into that. Whereas if you're like, I'm not going to deny that it's happening. I'm still aware of it happening, but I'm going to choose to then put a tenfold amount of love and joy into the world. For all the people places and things that cannot experience it right now That energy that you're radiating of love and and joy and good energy is actually Far more powerful than the energy of negativity So you are actually helping alchemize this negative energy by Putting more joy and love into the world. It's not that you don't know that it's going on It's that you see it's going on and you're choosing To inject love into a situation that has a ton of negativity to try and lighten some of that because the loving energy is far more potent and powerful than the negative energy.
Julia Salvia:It's like when someone walks into a room super happy and you're just like, meh today, and all of a sudden their energy just fills you with joy. The same, the same type of energy. Like someone walks in a room and you're that's super happy, super joyful laughing, and it makes you want to laugh and be super joyful and happy. It's, it kind of, it goes both ways. I love the way that you described this because a lot of times I'll sense, especially being someone on social media and knowing how overwhelming social media can get and how. I would say good, the algorithms are where you watch one thing for just a little bit too long. And then all of a sudden you're seeing it another time, a something similar, a third time, a fourth time, a fifth time. And then you've been, especially when it comes to something not so positive, you've been immersed in, on this platform in something that's giving you all of this very sad energy or depressing energy. So to another, not a
Kathleen Ives:random algorithm that is designed that way.
Julia Salvia:Oh yeah. 100%. So to be self aware that that is happening and to turn it around is so powerful to output, to recognize what you're inputting, but to output something else is such a strength.
Kathleen Ives:Yeah.
Julia Salvia:And to feel, to recognize that there might be something happening in your life or around you that you don't care for, that you don't love, that isn't making you happy, that isn't bringing you joy. Recognizing that that's happening, but also choosing to be happy or, like I said before, feeling like the complexity of all of these different emotions, that is okay.
Kathleen Ives:Yes, a thousand percent. You can help alchemize the energy of things around you to, to be lighter. And, you know, I, even in my life, I have so much joy and so many, Amazing experiences happening. And yet I'm also have people that are going through really dark times and, and really heavy things. And, you know, I don't let myself let that heaviness cloud the joy that I'm supposed to put out there because my joy is helping the people going through the heavy stuff too, and when I'm going through heavy stuff, people admitting joy to me is helping me. So, you know, it's, it's a. It's a beautiful power we have that I think we've forgotten about a lot, um, and, and letting go of that guilt of, you know, I mean, I live thousands of miles away from my parents. My dad's had dementia for 10 years. My mother takes care of him day in and day out. You know, I, I used to feel so guilty, like, she takes care of him every day. How, how am I out traveling and having fun and, and, you know, I, I should be there more and I should be doing something. But her joy is coming from my joy. My, my joy is radiating to her. Me living You know, I, I say I have people that live vicariously through me and they joke. I'm like, you know what, I'm going to give you a great freaking life then. Like I'm going to live like really, really deeply. Um, because it is contagious and that, that joy is contagious and the more good and the more happiness I can send her way and to, to anyone else that's going through things, you know, I think that's a better use of my time than. Then being in a state of being heavy and sad and depressed just because other people are, you know It's like even when I sit down to eat I'm grateful for the food I have because there's people that don't have food and if I am able to eat for someone that can't I try to put that gratitude and I've got energy into that and Just be very mindful and intentional about All of the activities I'm doing, um, to really lead my life from a place of love.
Julia Salvia:Yeah, 100%. Thank you Kathleen so much for being here. Really I appreciate you to the moon and back before we go. Is there anything else that you would like to share with everyone
Kathleen Ives:who believe in your own power? Thank you You are so much more powerful than you could ever imagine. Trust yourself, listen to your intuition, and know that you know more than you think you know. And to honor that.
Julia Salvia:I second, I second, all of that. I second, every bit of that. Thank you, Kathleen, again, so much for being on the podcast. I think that everybody is going to love this episode. If I do say so myself, maybe I'm biased, but it's fine. Before we head out, tell everyone where they can book a session, um, or connect with you and where they can find you.
Kathleen Ives:Sure. Um, you can find me on Instagram at Kathleen Ives with an underscore also on TikTok. Same at Kathleen Ives underscore. My website, Kathleen Ives dot com, or you can shoot me an email. Hello at Kathleen Ives dot com. My DMS are open. I checked my emails. I'm happy to discuss a little more about what I do and what would be best for you. And, or if you just want to say hi or. Drop a, drop a hello. I'm here. Um, yeah, I'm really excited. Thank you so much. This is
Julia Salvia:honestly
Kathleen Ives:so wonderful and I love having these kinds of conversations and I really hope, um, our energy like radiates to everybody.
Julia Salvia:I think it does already. If your energy radiates to me and mine radiates to you, it's going to radiate outward to absolutely everyone. Thank you so much for being here and thank you everyone so much for listening to this week's episode. Podcast goes up bi weekly on Sundays at 12 o'clock Eastern Time I will see you guys in the next episode and thank you always for listening. Bye.
