change, intuition, and being comfortable with things that are out of our control

change is inevitable. we know this, but then why does change make us so uncomfortable? and how can we listen to our intuition in order to make the right choice when it comes to making a change?

eclipse season is showing us exactly where we need to take action in our lives to change- whether we're in control or not. in today's episode, we're gonna learn how to listen to our intuition, be more comfortable when things aren't in our control, and adapt + lean in to change.

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Transcript

Julia Salvia: 0:00

This past week, New Jersey experienced an earthquake. What? It's Aries season, we're in a mercury retrograde, and tomorrow, if you're listening to this on the day that it goes live, which is Sunday, April 7th, we have a solar eclipse in Aries tomorrow. Now, what does all this woo woo stuff mean? Including a 4. 8 earthquake in New Jersey? Well, it means that there is change coming for us. And what does change make us do? It makes all of the alarms, all of the red flags pop up in our body. It makes us uncomfortable. So in today's episode, we are going to be talking about just that. The things that aren't in our control and change. Welcome back to the Self Love Archives podcast. I am your host, Julia Salvia, your self love guide, your self love bestie, your self love big sister. I'm here to give you the tea on what is happening tomorrow, or as us Italians, like to call it, stir ze sauce. I'm a fellow Jersey girl. Hi to all my Jersey girls out there. What the fuck happened this week? An earthquake in New Jersey? I was standing here at my desk. And all of a sudden things just start to shake. And I'm so confused. Out of my mind. I thought there was a plane going over my house. It was indeed an earthquake as we have confirmed at this point the Aries energy of 2024 is big It's so big and we talked a lot more and dived a lot deeper into this and all the astrology in the last episode, we talked about the Mercury retrograde. We talked about the eclipses. We also even talked about the eclipses that are coming up in the fall of 2024. But in today's episode, I want to talk about something that does intertwine with the eclipses because what the eclipses are asking us to do is to change. They're creating this transformation in our life. And because this one is in Aries, and Aries is this really fiery, direct, and just passionate energy, it's kind of just going to shove it right in our face, this change that needs to happen. The biggest lesson that we can take away from the eclipses and the Mercury retrograde and all of these things that are happening in our sky. So, something that we can confirm is true, that happens up in the sky, and if you're into astrology, but also bringing it back down to reality, that also happens here on Earth, wherever, is change. Sometimes change is not in our control, and sometimes it is. I think that what's happening right now is going to put the change or give you the opportunity of putting something in front of your face and asking you, are you going to change it now? You know, when those repetitive patterns keep coming up in your life and you're like, why do I keep ending up with the same guy? Why do I keep landing the same type of job? Why do I keep waking up and feeling This dread, why does this keep happening over and over and over again? It's because the universe, it's because life is telling us that there is something in our life that we need to change. Now that's the type of change that we are in control of. That is the type of change that comes up in our lives and kind of gives us a light. Hey, you're going to make the change? Are you gonna fix this? Are you gonna do something about it? Are you gonna break the cycle? And then the next time it comes around, hey Little louder now. Are you going to change? Are you going to fix this? Are you going to do something different the next time it comes around? Hi let's figure something out here because this is happening again for a third time and You know first time all right Second time, uh, third time, I think, hopefully, maybe, you should get it by now. And here we are, I think, on this fourth thing here. Screaming. It's screaming. It's so loud. Where something needs to be changed. edited, reviewed, looked at, is screaming at us in our face. Wherever that's happening for you right now, I hope that it is loud enough for you to hear. The thing is, change isn't easy. Never has been, never will be. Change makes our psychological, physical self, emotional self, uncomfortable. It sets off all of these alerts, red flags, alarm bells, and tells us I'm uncomfortable. And usually when we are physically, mentally, or emotionally uncomfortable, when our body gives us those signals, it's a way of it trying to protect itself. It's a way of it trying to protect us. We always want to stay in this very comfortable place. Homeostasis, right? Is that what it's called? Science. I'm not the one with a science degree here. I have a business degree. All I know is, is that my whole body, when change happens, whether it's in my control or out of my control, whether I'm faced with making a choice that is going to be a big change, or I'm faced with change that is completely, utterly out of my control. For example, like COVID was completely out of our control. Versus, you know, making a choice that is going to create a lot of change, like coming face to face with needing to break up with someone or leave a job. When we get to that point our entire body is paralyzed, anxious, uncomfortable, and that's because our internal system can't really tell the difference between something that is good change and something that is bad change. You actually don't even know if that change is going to be good or bad for you. We just know that it's change. Our body just looks at it as change. and change, whether it's inherently bad or good, whether it's going to end up being a good thing or end up being a not so good thing. It always works out in our favor. It always works out in our favor. But our body is trying to protect us. Our inner protection, our inner system, thank it for its alarm bells, its red flags, recognize that Your body and your soul are trying to keep you safe. I think that this week is really going to give us a little taste of coming face to face with a choice. That we're not really gonna have a choice To change it's gonna it's gonna be screaming at us It's that fourth time that fourth time in order for us to break a pattern. It's going to be screaming at us like hey Now is the time Now is the time to finally make the choice you have been avoiding Making because you are so scared of change There's something so important When it comes to recognizing how your body's feeling about something. And this goes for anything, whether it's something good, something bad, a feeling of uncomfortableness. Is that a word? A feeling of being uncomfortable, a feeling of being anxious, a feeling of being excited, a feeling of feeling dread or anger or sadness. There's something really powerful about recognizing that feeling and deciphering why you're getting that feeling or that sensation. A huge part of self awareness is recognizing a feeling. Recognizing something about yourself. As I'm sitting here talking to you about this, I keep getting this question that keeps popping in my head. Because it's something, it's something that I struggled to practice or figure out for the longest time. And I'm sure that it might be for you too. What is the difference between recognizing a feeling that your body or your soul or your intuition is giving you that is there to protect you from danger, from a person that isn't good for you, versus a feeling or recognizing a feeling in your body that is not necessarily intuition or alert bells for actual danger. It's more of a fear. What's the difference between recognizing a feeling that is there to alert you of actual danger or to intuitively tell you that someone isn't a good person or isn't or doesn't have good intentions versus a feeling that Is similar, but is more of a feeling of fear, a feeling of anxiousness, a feeling of change. For all of us, these feelings come to us differently. It's in those moments that you feel these feelings of anxiousness and uncomfortableness and intuition that It's so important to stop and listen to our bodies. Of course in a safe safe space in a safe way if you are in actual danger That's a whole different story But how we start to learn and understand our bodies is by listening. There have been so many times that patterns have repeated themselves in my life. And I'm sure that there have been so many times where patterns have repeated themselves in your life. Where you've got this intuition, this feeling that things aren't right. That this person isn't good for me. That I shouldn't go here today or I shouldn't do this today. That's your intuitive energy protecting you. But what about that intuitive energy that is protecting you but through fear? I have a really good example for this. I got this feeling, this gut feeling, that the person wasn't good for me. Almost every single time I dated someone. It was like all these alarm bells going off like, no, no, no, he is not who he says he is, he is not good for you, he is not the one. And every single time. I shoved that intuitive feeling down and I didn't listen to my intuition until it got louder and louder and louder until I could not unhear it anymore. When I first met my boyfriend, Nick, I didn't get this feeling at all. I was like, this is a good This is a good guy, and it didn't feel too good to be true. It didn't feel like love bombing. It just felt good. When it came to the beginning of our relationship, it did move a bit fast for me. And I started to feel Not a gut feeling, but a tightness in my chest, especially when he asked me to be his girlfriend. And I remember sitting there, crying my eyes out, telling him no, and trying to define where this feeling was coming from. Because the feeling felt so similar to a gut feeling. It felt so similar to my intuition telling me, this isn't safe. But as I sat with that feeling, as I started to understand the difference between this tightness in my chest and this pit in my stomach, I came to understand that They were two different feelings, two different intuitive energies coming from two different places. Both of these feelings were trying to protect me. But one feeling was trying to protect me from potential danger, and the other feeling was protecting me because of something that I feared. I was so used to being in such horrible relationships that finally when something really lovely and safe and wonderful came along, it set off so many alarm bells because of my fear that it would turn into something that wasn't so safe or so good. As I learned more about my intuitive energy and my intuition, I learned that when my body is intuitively speaking to me about actual danger, I get a feeling in the pit of my stomach, like, almost like my heart is sinking. It is like existential dread, I feel, in the pit of my stomach. When I am fearful of something, when I am scared, when my ego is at the forefront saying like, no, no, no, don't do this, don't do this, you remember what happened last time? I feel it in my chest. I feel my chest get tight, and it's It's not dreadful, and it's not painful, and it's not dark And it's not it's not that feeling of being on one of those free fall Things at the, at the amusement park. That's what my gut feeling feels like. It feels like you're on one of those rides where it's a free fall The tightness in my chest Is more of a feeling like I can't Breathe. It's almost a feeling as if someone is holding me back And the only person that is holding me back is myself whereas the pit in my stomach is almost like a dark cloud comes over me. And I'm still allowed to continue to walk through, to walk past that dark cloud. But it's always following me, to remind me. When I realize the difference in my intuitive energy, one being the pit in my stomach, and the other being just tightness in my chest, I realize that the tightness in my chest, whenever I feel this tightness in my chest, it is my ego and my body and my fear telling me tread carefully because this is something that I'm scared of, this is something that I fear. But I always say the number one thing that holds us back is fear. So it's safe to continue, it's safe to move forward when there's that tightness in my chest. Because that doesn't mean that there's danger, it doesn't mean that there is something that I should, should be scared of. It's just something that I'm uncomfortable with because it's Change, because facing a fear of yours is change. The tightness in my chest disappears when I fight that fear, when I push past that fear and envelop myself in this change. The pit in my stomach stays. Until whatever is around me that isn't good energy, that isn't safe energy, that isn't comfortable, when I finally decide to leave that space, leave that person, leave that area, and bring myself to somewhere that is actually physically, mentally, and emotionally safe. So where do you feel these feelings? Where do you feel it in your body when you're scared of change? And where do you feel it in your body where your intuition is warning you of physical, emotional, or mental danger? Sometimes a lot of these things are in our control. Because we have a choice to make. Whether we fight the fear of that tightness in our chest. Or whether we leave a space that doesn't make us feel safe from the pit in our stomach. But what about those times where We're faced with something that is completely out of our control. There are so many things that are out of our control. Two things that are so important to understand that we are not in control of. We are not in control of what someone says, does, or chooses to be. We are not in control of the weather. The two biggest things that we are not in control of. I was watching 90 Day Fiance, one of the women on the show. I think she's a witch. She calls herself a witch and I love her. The relationship she has with her husband is just so funny. It's, it's great to watch, but they are, they are on two different sides of the spiritual spectrum, okay? On their wedding day, it was raining and they were getting married on the beach. Now, don't get me wrong, I would be upset too if I was her, if it looks like it was about to downpour on my wedding day, but this made her so extremely emotional and upset, to the point where almost the entire episode she was crying her eyes out. And I felt for her, because in moments of change when things are out of our control. Sometimes it's super hard to deal with, but two things can be true at once. We can accept the change and we can be upset about said change. But I remember watching that and, and just saying like, it's just water. It's just rain. You can't control it. It's not gonna poof go away. It's just water. It's just rain. I was sitting outside of my wax appointment the other day and it was pouring, downpouring, and a woman comes out and she doesn't immediately leave. She is about to leave through the doors and she's just like looking outside and moaning and groaning about how it's pouring and it's raining outside and I just sit there. She looks at me as if She wanted to converse with me about how horrible the weather is. And I don't disagree with her. Do I wish it was 65 and sunny and a beautiful day to go outside? 100%. But I don't let it affect my day or the things that I need to do because I don't have control over what the weather does. So she looks at me and I look at her and I go, it's, it's just a little bit of water. And she goes, yeah, you're right. And proceeds to go outside. Now, whether or not I pissed her off Is something I don't even know. I don't have control over that. All I had control over was my response which which was It's just a little bit of water At one point, change was so scary for me. I'm a future thinker, I'd always think about the future. If you're a future thinker like me, we're always thinking about the future, we're always thinking about, what about this, what if this happens, what if that happens. Preparing for the worst? Or just being prepared. Maybe it's a Virgo rising thing, but just being prepared for whatever is to come. I have tampons and pads in my car as a just in case. I have gum in there. I have hand sanitizer in there. I have deodorant in there. I am prepared for whatever is not necessarily in my control. Like, smelling bad in the middle of the day, or my period popping up a day early. During COVID, I got a rude awakening, and I think a lot of us got a rude awakening, of something being completely, utterly not in our control. I think COVID time taught us a lot about a lot of things when we look at it from a different perspective. It showed us and taught us so much about so many different things and it caused so many different areas of life to pivot in a completely different direction And this is a really good example of something that we are not in control of change that we are not in control of We are not in control of COVID or our government's reaction to COVID or our state's reaction to COVID if you live in the United States. But what we are in control of is our response to other people's actions and responses to COVID. I didn't even realize that this challenge that I did during COVID would teach me something so big and so amazing about change and about being okay with things that are out of my control or being better at adapting to change and to change that has to do with things that aren't in my control. Every single day I walked outside for 45 minutes. Every single day for at least 90 days I walked outside, whether it was raining, it was sunny, it was cloudy, it was chilly, it was sweltering hot, I walked outside in all different kinds of weather, and I did take the same path every single, almost every single day. But for the most part, the one thing that I had no control over is the weather. And this taught me a really important lesson. It allowed me to get used to being in the midst. Of things that I can't control. It taught me how to adapt in the middle of something that I'm not in control of. Because I'm not in control of the weather, but I am in control of how I show up when I walk outside. Am I walking outside with rain boots and a rain jacket because it's pouring rain outside? Or am I showing up walking outside in shorts and a tank and my sunscreen freshly sprayed because it's sweltering hot and the UV is at its highest for today? Yes, that's what I have control over. So doing those things, putting on rain boots and a rain jacket, or putting on less clothing and sunscreen, and wearing my sunglasses for sure on a sweltering hot day, those make it easier to handle something that I'm not in control of. And the same thing associates with, with life, with things that are out of our control. We can make it easier on ourselves to handle this change by responding. a certain way, or doing something in a certain way, or actionably responding in a certain way, or changing our perspective on something. So whether or not, pun intended, you try this challenge of walking outside every single day, no matter the weather, I hope that you can listen to yourself more, be more self aware, recognize What you're feeling, and how you're feeling, and why you're feeling it. And you can also be more open and adaptable to change. Whether that change is a choice that is in your control, an action that is in your control, or something that's completely out of your control. Happy week of the solar eclipse in Aries. Some dates to look out for this week. Give yourself a lot of love. But some dates to look out for this week are April 8th, April 10th. Take some time. Have some patience. Give yourself a lot of love and listen. And April 11th, we'll have some light at the end of the tunnel. I love you so much. Thank you for tuning into this episode as always and I will see you in two weeks Same time 12 o'clock Eastern same place. I love you Bye