the birthday episode, i'm in my 30s era

i'm officially (almost) in my 30s era.. we've got 3 days by the time this episode launches.

not only is it my birthday episode and birthday week, but there is some super exciting astrology happening that is going to help us to really kick off our goals for 2024.

+ i asked all of you beautiful people what you learned in your 20s on social, and it was just too good not to share, so i'll be sharing some responses with you!

ily 

connect with julia on instagram @beautybyjulia + tik tok @juliasalvia

unlock more archive content on instagram @theselflovearchive + tik tok @theselflovearchives

sign up for the self-love archives newsletter: www.theselflovearchives.com

Transcript

Julia Salvia: 0:00

I actually can't believe I'm saying this right now. I am 30. I am entering my 30s era. And I'm actually so excited to enter this new decade of my life. I'm sure we can all agree that If you are now about to be 30 or you are over 30, you know that the 20s, the 20s decade just was real rocky, real bumpy, and maybe that's not the case for you, and great, good, amazing, but for me, my 20s was rocky. My 20s was a rollercoaster at six flags like Kingda Ka. Lots of high highs, lots of low lows. And I can't even say that there was anything in the middle. It was just lots of loops and turns and all of a sudden I'm upside down. And just when I think the roller coaster is about to stop, it keeps on going. Hello, hello, and welcome back to the Self Love Archives podcast. I am your host, your birthday host, Julia Salvia. I'm your self love guide, your self love best friend, your self love big sister, and I'm so grateful that you are here today and you are here listening to this episode. If you are new and this is the very first episode you are listening to, hi! Thank you so much for being here, really. It means the absolute world to me. Especially that you're here on such a special, that you're all here listening on such a special day, a special week, a special initial initiation year into my 30s. And that's exactly what I want to talk about in today's podcast. I took forever to start this podcast, but I think it was the perfect timing. Because my 20s taught me so much about life. So much about life. And I feel like I have an archive full. Of lessons and teachings and learnings and things that I wish I could have told my 20 year old self, my 22 year old self, my 25 year old self, even my 28 year old self. The growth really happened in my 20s and even more so, like, exponentially in the last half of this 20s decade. I also reached out to you guys on socials and asked you what you've learned in your twenties. So I'm going to be sharing a bunch of those today in this episode. And we're going to be talking about all of the things that we learned in our twenties and what we're looking forward to in our thirties. I do want to start with this. There are some exciting things actually happening on my birthday this year, which is wild. There is what's called a cazimi, on my birthday on February 28th. I was born in 1994, so this whole year, there's gonna be a lot of 1994 babies turning 30, if they haven't already turned 30. Or, we're not gonna forget about some of the Capricorns and Aquariuses that have turned 30 so far this year, and a couple of the Pisces. But I am a full blown Pisces. I also have a Pisces stellium, so lots of Pisces going on for me astrologically. Lots of Pisces placements. If you want a sneak peek into what's going on in my life, as I look up this exact cazimi, because I want to give you all of the good stuff, because cazimis are such beautiful moments in the sky, that I don't think we necessarily take for granted. I think that we just don't know about and it's a very unique thing that happens once maybe Maybe just a few times a year and they're just such beautiful days, cazimis. I've talked about cazimis before and I have, I definitely place such a big importance on cazimis because usually cazimis are this placement where a planet It comes together with the sun during a really tough time astrologically. So you'll hear about cazimis that happen when Mercury's in retrograde and we all, we all know what happens when Mercury's in retrograde. Things just go awry and we don't know what the fuck's going on and communication's crazy. Your ex is texting you and you're late to everything. So there's this one moment. And in the middle of this, that's just beautiful. That is kind of like the needle in the haystack, or the positive that you can take from the negative. And I, I really think that that's how I go about life too. Because I've, I've been through so many not so great things and if you've been through so many not so great things I hope that you can see how the universe is working for you, not against you and trust me when I say it's such a tough thing to take something that's happened in your life that's so not great and to kind of extract the positives from it. And sometimes it's, it's a very realistic out of body experience to do that. But I think it, I think it truly helps us move forward from that negative thing. Especially when we can't change the past, we can't go back and do different. Um, all we can do is Change what's going to be, you know, what's going to happen in the present, what's going to happen in the future. We're able to create our own paths according to the energy that we have moving forward into the future. And that's all we can do. So, taking the positives from such negative experiences and memories can help us heal from them and help us move forward. So I try my best to do that and that is really the representation of what a cazimi essentially is. Okay, are you ready? So on February 28th, which is my birthday, we are going to experience a Mercury cazimi. And Mercury is the planet of communication. And then we are going to experience a Saturn cazimi. And Saturn is the planet of boundaries and responsibility. So what I think these cazimis really hold for all of us on February 28th is really getting clear with what our plans are for our futures. We have a full moon in Virgo. We actually had it last night. So you're going to be hearing this. The first day that you're able to hear this podcast episode is the 25th of February. So the full moon in Virgo was yesterday, February 24th. And the full moon in Virgo really helps us get organized, get grounded and realistic with our manifestations and our expectations. And I think that all of February has been really this beautiful month to actually plan out and start working on your New Year's goals and resolutions and what you want to do in 2024. January, for the past couple years, has just been a slow, slow, slow month. And it's okay. As we've talked about in past episodes, it's okay to not jump right in and plan your New Year's resolutions and your goals and things like that. We can wait a bit to do it. Time is a mental construct, but But this is going to be such a powerful day, February 28th, to really start planning out and visualizing your long term goals. On February 28th, you're really going to get clear about what those goals and manifestations cazimi is going to highlight the characteristics of Mercury and the characteristics of Saturn. Both of these planets are very realistic planets. Mercury is asking you to communicate and Saturn is asking you to set boundaries. But when it comes together with the Sun, this very boastful, confident, uh, ego driven planet, we have the opportunity to put everything in motion that we need to, to have the strength within our communication and to communicate our boundaries really well, but also to communicate this new sense of responsibility and this new, um, this new sense of what we want. Our plans and our goals and our all these things to be moving forward. And that's also what the full moon in Virgo is asking us to do too because Virgo is a very Virgo, if you ever met a Virgo, I'm a Virgo rising. So I get it. If you ever met a Virgo, they're a planner. So, all of this energy from the full moon in Virgo on February 24th all the way up until February 28th with the cazimi in Mercury and the cazimi in Saturn, both in Pisces, is going to give us this sense of creating a plan for our manifestations and our long term goals. It is such a beautiful way, I think, to start my 30s decade. And Oh, everything's just been a very aligning with the astrology for the very first year of my thirties. So let's get into it. What did you learn in your twenties? What would you go back and tell 20 year old you what not to do, what to do, what to let go of, who to, how to work on yourself? What would you tell your younger self? You're like. Just coming out of, you know, school, just really coming into this adult ness in your 20s. There is so much change, so much growth, so, so much that happens in our 20s. My 20s taught me so much, especially the last couple of years. The biggest lesson. Maybe this is a little obvious, but my 20s taught me how to love myself more. It really, really did. And if I look back at But, you know, 23, 24, the universe kept putting me in situations that made me choose myself. And I think that is so huge. That is the biggest thing that I learned in my 20s, is that you have to choose yourself. Choose yourself first. Really always. Because if we are not taking care of ourselves, if we are not doing right by us, if we don't know who we are, how are we supposed to care for someone if we aren't caring for ourselves? The one thing I always think about is when you're on an airplane and the, the oxygen masks, they always say to put your oxygen mask first before helping others. Because if your mask isn't on, if your oxygen mask isn't on and there's no oxygen on the plane and you go to help someone else first, You can't help them because you're gonna pass out. So you have to help yourself and know yourself and love yourself first in order to care for others around you. Of course, there's a lot of like Things that could happen, a lot of different situations and experiences and whatnot when we have other people that we need to care for or things that we need to prioritize. But at the end of the day, we need to make time for ourselves. We need to appreciate ourselves. We need to love ourselves. That is actually really funny. It brings me to a point. So, at the very, wow, oh this is coming so full circle right now. I. Got a tattoo so not a lot of people know about my tattoo because it is a very unique tattoo and a lot of people Who get tattoos would say it's not really even a real tattoo, but I felt the pain. I promise you it's real. I Actually have a tattoo on my ring finger and it has a little heart at the base and it is a white tattoo So it is very difficult to see And that was completely on purpose. I'm not really a tattoo person. I, I can't commit. I can't commit when it comes to tattoos. I have changed my style so much over the course of my 20s that I don't even know if I even, I can't even believe I still like this tattoo. Let alone any other tattoo I've ever thought of. So, this tattoo is a little white heart on my ring finger, and it has so much meaning to it. And the reason why it's white is because no one else really needed to know about it or see it except for me. I got this little white heart on my ring finger, and it's in a specific spot because loving yourself is the base of any relationship that you have with another. One on one relationships, like relationships with a partner for me, are a very big part of my life. Relationships with friends, family, all that are, relationships are just so important to me. And I've always, I've always been very hard on myself about that. Like, well, why are relationships so important to you? Why can't you just give a fuck about yourself? Why do you care what this person thinks and what that person thinks? And For me, I've come to realize that it's the connection and the things that you get to share with someone else. So, this tattoo throughout my 20s has been a reminder that if I'm not loving myself, At all. And I'm just giving my love away to everyone. Then I don't really have a relationship with that person, now do I? Because it's very one sided. This tattoo is a reminder that loving yourself is the basis of any relationship that you could have with another person. I don't think that you need to love yourself, because we know here that loving yourself is a journey, it is not a destination, right? So I don't think that you need to be at this place of fully loving yourself in order to be in a relationship with someone. But you still need to put yourself first and know that it is important to have a relationship with yourself, and it's important to love yourself. when you are in a relationship with someone. So this tattoo I got very early in my twenties. I think I was 21 or 22. I might've even been 20 honestly. And this tattoo has been really a symbol for the growth that I've experienced throughout my twenties because I have loved myself more and the universe has put me definitely in a lot of different places. Where I have had to choose myself in order to save myself, in order to love myself, in order to keep myself safe, in order to grow, in order to heal. That you, you are the basis of all of that. You are where it all begins. So when one day, there is a ring on this finger, Committing to a relationship with someone. The heart will always be there as a reminder that I am the base of this relationship. Just as they're the base of this relationship too. And then we conjoin, come together. I, oh, I want to share everything that everyone said. I, that is the biggest lesson for me. That is the biggest lesson for me in my 20s. Is loving myself more. Day by day, a little at a time. Who I am today, although I am so different and you know maybe I have different flaws and different things that I want to fix and different things that I want to heal and I want to grow and different things that I want to love about myself more. I can truly tell you that I am a completely different person than who I was at 20 years old. Like the growth and the healing that What happened every single year of my 20s was astronomical. And I cannot wait to see what the next 10 years has in store. Cause it's gonna be good. So I love everything that you guys said in, you know, what you learned about your 20s. I love, love, love them. So Jesse said, respect yourself, honor yourself, take time to get to know people before trusting. Oh, I think this, this intertwines with just loving yourself. Like in order to love yourself, you have to respect yourself. In order to love yourself, you have to honor yourself. You have to be grateful for who you are and be kind to yourself. Because you are going to make mistakes and things are going to happen. But You are at the base of that. You are so important. And take time getting to know people before you trust them. Ooh, that is a big one. That is a big one that reminds me of this little heart on my finger too. There were a lot of different comments about relationships in All of you guys's responses. Lady Luna says, take time, take your time to understand you before committing to another. Take the time to understand who you are. Because if we don't know who we are, how are we supposed to have a relationship with another person? Of course, we can grow together. I think what gets really lost in translation when we talk about loving ourself first or, you know, do you before you trust anyone else, essentially, or, you know, learn more about yourself before you trust anyone else, is that we don't need to be at this state of perfection in order to have a relationship with another person. Because think about, like, the friendships that you have. They grow over time. And sometimes we don't end up having a relationship with those friends for forever. And those relationships mold and grow and heal and change, and Sometimes we go in different directions and sometimes you have friends that you don't end up being friends with anymore. And then sometimes you have friends who maybe at one point you were just more of an acquaintance and then you grow closer. Or you have friends who you were so close with that maybe they moved away or they got a job somewhere, somewhere else that takes and occupies a lot of their time. And maybe you just grow apart a little bit, but you still stay in touch. Same thing happens with our romantic and one on one partnerships and relationships. Things are going to change. There is going to be growth. And the point is that you don't need to be at this state of perfection in order to love these people. You just need to be open to that growth and that healing and remind yourself that you need to respect yourself. You need to honor yourself, your boundaries, and love yourself in the midst of this relationship. That has to be the base of the relationships that you have, whether they are one on one partnerships, relationships with family members or relationships with friends. The BL blog said, dump that asshole and live your life. If I told you how many days I spent, how many years I spent with some dumb asshole, if you have a gut feeling that you are not in a good relationship, leave, please, leave. Even if you're dating and something doesn't align, leave, stop talking to them. It's not worth your time. And I am sure someone else said this in the comments, but don't rush into relationships. I think in our 20s we learned so much about relationships, we learned so much about ourselves, but also the relationships that we have with others and with people. When we're in the first decade of our life, we're just learning about life, right? We're just learning how to, how to talk, How to walk. Like, we're learning like literally the basics of life. We're learning like what we like and we're coming into our personality. When we are in the second decade of our life, in our teens, we are figuring out truly what and who we want to be. And even more so in the third decade of our life, in our twenties. We are learning how to set boundaries, how to have relationships with people, and really coming into this thing that we call life. So, if you are getting a gut feeling right now, in this very moment, that you are with someone that you shouldn't be, dump them. I promise you, the grass is greener on the other side. It really is. If someone isn't treating you with respect, if someone isn't caring for you the way that they should, dump them. Please. Do yourself a favor. Do us all a favor. Dump them. Cecilia says, Boundaries can be scary, but they will also set you free. Wow. Boundaries for me didn't really come up until my late twenties. I never had great boundaries. I've used this example before. There's actually a whole episode about boundaries that is so wonderful. Please take a listen if you have the chance to. I think it's a little bit early on. Because I'm in my Saturn return right now, and Saturn is all about boundaries. So I think we all come to a place of boundaries in our late twenties where we need to decide, okay, what, how? What are our boundaries? How do we set these boundaries and feeling more comfortable doing so? And I think boundaries are so important, and they can be as small as saying no, sometimes saying no is actually pretty big, but they could be as small as saying, no, I can't. I can't come at that time, but I can. You know, we could get coffee maybe at 1 instead of 12. It could be as small as like someone texting you and you not answering back right away or it can be a really big boundary like setting a boundary with a toxic family member or breaking up with someone or telling someone that they can't treat you a certain way or leaving Leaving the room, leaving the space and saying I'm not going to deal with this in this current moment. So boundaries are so, so important and don't be scared to set them either because the boundary is not for anyone. It's for you. It's for you in order to free yourself from the anxiety and the stress and the disappointment and the Emotional turmoil that will come along when you don't set the boundary and if anyone gets offended by your boundary They benefited from your lack of a boundary. I love this one because you don't hear about it a lot. I am not your, I guess, like saver, if you will. I am an experienced girl. Like, I want to experience all of the things. I want to have so many memories. I really do think that the mentality of what Grace is saying, money comes and goes, experiences do not. I really believe that we make money in order to spend it. Of course, there's a smart way to go about this and a dumb way to go about this But I truly do think that if there is something that you really genuinely think is going to be helpful to you in this chapter Of your life or is going to be something that is fun. You are supposed to have fun in life Right, you are supposed to experience things that make you happy that send this just joyful chill throughout your entire body. This, these butterflies you are supposed to experience really fun things. So be smart, but you are supposed to spend your money. That's what it's there for. Enjoy experiences. Go to that restaurant that you've really wanted to try and buy yourself something nice. Ooh, this is a really good one. So Allie says to look after your teeth and wear your sunscreen, that I completely wholeheartedly agree with. Do those things. But the one that I love is that realizing that everyone is on a different path and a timescale, we are all on completely different paths. And if we're talking about career, You're going to see someone's career skyrocket even before their twenties. You're going to see someone's career, not even skyrocket until after their thirties, there are so many different paths in life and you are not on the same path as anyone else. You are on your own path by yourself with different choices. I always think of Dora the Explorer when I think of this, like we have our own map, our own backpack and our own little best friend with us. To go on this journey. And no one else is on this journey with us in a sense. We get to make our own decisions. And choose our own path. And whatever direction we decide to go in. I know you have seen it before. Where there's that list of all of the successes of different people at completely different ages. And that your time is coming, is going to happen. We get into this mindset, especially when we're in elementary school and high school, when we are learning the same things as everyone around us. We get into this mentality that we're supposed to all be at the same timing and at the same path because we're all the same age and we're all learning the same thing in math class, and we're all in the same history class. We're supposed to be. Quotes, air quotes for that. We are supposed to be at the same level as all of these people around us, but there is no competition. We are not all on the same path. We are all on completely different ones. So if someone else is doing something similar to you, And they reach a point of success and you're looking at that with jealousy or disappointment in yourself, you have to understand that we are all on different paths and there is no rush to do any of these things. That's actually something I want to add to this conversation too. Oh, I feel very strongly about this. Because even I thought that as I approached my 30s and once I was 30 that I was going to feel old. I don't feel old at all. I feel great. Of course there are like those regular shmegular things of like aging, like yeah, do I have a lot more gray hair than I did when I was like 24? I don't even think I had gray hair when I was 24. Yeah, but that's just a part of life. That is just something that happens and we get to know our, ourselves and our beauty, our physical beauty that changes as we get older. That doesn't, just because we get older doesn't mean that we're not beautiful anymore. We just change. It's a different kind of beauty. It's a different kind of us. It's a different version and a different chapter of us. But there is very much this rush. Because you don't hear much about, you know, after 30. and 40, and 50, and 60. You don't really hear much about the birthdays and the ages. It's almost like age just disappears and it's just like a number, right? Because it really is at the end of the day. But there is this heavy weight almost on all of us in our 20s that is like, hey, gotta gotta get married, gotta have a baby, gotta do all of these things that society expects us to do when that is not the case. You don't need to have You don't even need to be in a relationship by 30. You don't even have to be in a relationship at all if you don't want to. You can choose however you want to live your life. There is no rush. And I know you're gonna say something about, you know, Well, my eggs are this and, and I, I want that and I get it, but the more that you try to force it to happen the more that something's going to fall into your lap that isn't meant for you. The more you try to force, you know, having a baby before your eggs disappear, or the more that you try to force a relationship so you're married before 30. I truly believe that if you don't allow the universe to work for you, it will work against you. Some food for thought. I love this one from Michelle. Not everyone is you. They won't respond the same way or give you the reaction that you want. It's true. It's true in both ways. Sometimes we overthink in our own heads that if we were to say something and don't don't even get me wrong I still do this that if we were to say something or set a boundary with someone or talk to someone about something that Their reaction is going to be this that or the other thing and truly we don't actually know how someone is going to React we don't We don't know if their reaction is going to be as negative as we are overthinking it's going to be. Or, we don't even know if their reaction is necessarily going to be a positive one. Or, we don't get to choose what that person's reaction is. What we do get to choose is how we respond to that reaction. Or how we initially bring up the boundary. And the last one I'm gonna share with you guys is from Mary You are never too old to do something. Don't be afraid and just go for it That right there you are never too old to do something you are never too old to change your hair to Wear whatever clothes that you want to wear To speak a certain way, to take a certain class, to create an experience, to have a birthday party, like, you are not too old to do any of that. There is something so special about being open to the possibility and the fact of just getting older. Look at getting older as an opportunity to continue. living this beautiful life that you get to create, that you get to build, that you get to heal in, and that you get to grow in. I think a lot of people think I'm crazy for being excited to enter my 30s era, but I don't think I'm crazy. Oh, it makes it really, actually makes me really emotional. Like I want you to repeat after me. I am so proud of myself. I am so grateful for the chapters that I have endured. I love who I was, who I am, and who I will be. I cherish the relationships that I've had, that I have. And that I will have. Play that back. Repeat that to yourself. You are stepping into a brand new decade of you. And as long as ten years sounds, it's also such a short amount of time. It goes by so fast. I can't even believe how Quickly, my 20s went by. And here I am, turning 30 with you guys. And I am truly so excited and so grateful and so proud of myself for the next 10 years of my life. I am doing so much to commemorate this 30th birthday of mine Today as you're listening to this on the 25th, I am hosting back to hosting my very first event in Jersey, so there is a lot more where that came from. I am hoping to host so many more Self love focused events with the self love archives starting in Jersey and working my way Worldwide, honestly, truly, and I think it is a great way to connect us all together, to become friends. I mean, we're already friends, but to meet in person, to give each other hugs. I love hugs. And to grow together, to heal together, to create the archive together, so. If you didn't make it to this event in Ocean, New Jersey, all the details will be in the description by the way if you want to check it out. And of course, I will be sharing a ton about this event on my Beauty by Julia Instagram. My Julia Salvia TikTok, my Jersey Girl Diaries, social platforms, the Self Love Archive social platforms. There's a lot of places to look for this. But you will see it if you want to check it out. I'm so excited for it. But there will be a lot more where that came from. So don't worry if you didn't make it to this one. I am also going to be celebrating my birthday at my home. I'm throwing myself a 30th birthday party. I just want you to know too, when it comes to birthdays, I've actually cried my eyes out on most of my birthdays. So if you are in that same boat and you've also cried your eyes out on your birthday way too much, well, plan the party. Buy yourself the balloons, buy yourself the flowers. I know it feels so much better when someone else does it, but just fucking do it for yourself. I promise you, you will not regret that at all. Because trust me, I um, I've already had a photoshoot for my birthday. I'm planning this event for my birthday. I'm having a party at my house. And then I do plan on going on a cruise for my birthday. I'm going big for this birthday. And if at the very least, you can buy yourself, Some candles, a little cake, and maybe a flower bouquet and some balloons. You're doing that for you. Because you deserve it. You don't need to wait for someone else to get it for you. So many things, so many festivities coming, And before I leave you, I want you to know that you are loved, and I am proud of you, and I am so grateful for you. If you are also turning 30 this year, happy 30th birthday. I'll see you guys, not next weekend, but the weekend after. I love you guys so much. Make sure to take advantage of the Mercury and Saturn cazimi on February 28th, my birthday. And I will see you guys in two weeks. I love you so much. I'll see you soon. Bye.