the self-love archives
welcome to the archive. it's time to love yourself more.
the self-love archives
the journey of self-love with @jainaazalea
i'm super excited to welcome today's special guest: the one and only jaina, a midsize fashion, lifestyle, + self-love creator.
i've had the opportunity to work with and be friends with jaina for the past few years and it's been so amazing watching come into her power as a woman; and i can't wait to have her here to share that story with you.
you can find jaina on instagram @jainaazalea + tik tok @jainaazalea + you can shop DIOSA at https://inner-diosa.com/
connect with julia on instagram @beautybyjulia + tik tok @juliasalvia
unlock more archive content on instagram @theselflovearchive + tik tok @theselflovearchives
sign up for the self-love archives newsletter: www.theselflovearchives.com
Hello and welcome back to the Self Love Archives podcast. My name is Julia Salvia. I'm your host and I'm so excited to welcome a special guest today. My beautiful friend, Jaina, is here and I'm so excited to introduce you guys to her. We're going to be talking all things self love today. And, um, Super excited. I feel like I said that already, but I am really excited. You didn't say that, but I love the enthusiasm. I'm excited to have you here. Hi, Jaina. Thank you so much for being here. I appreciate you to the moon and back. Really, I'm so excited as I, as we've said for you to be here. So please tell everyone who you are, what your name is and where they can find you.
Jaina Lopez:Hi, everybody. My name is Jaina. As Julia has already said, you can find me at I am a, I guess you can say lifestyle creator over there. I try to do a lot of mid sized fashion and beauty content with the overarching message of self love, which I think, I think that's why I'm here. Um, over there and yeah, and then I also have my brand Diosa, which I recently launched and kind of am navigating that whole world of being a brand owner. And that also is centered around self love. So I would assume that too is why I'm here.
Julia Salvia:You're just here because you're a great person. I just
Jaina Lopez:love self love.
Julia Salvia:Me too. So I want to really jump into your self love journey and how you got to just where you are today and what you think just the most important parts of that self love journey were for you up until this point.
Jaina Lopez:Yeah. Journey. I, I like to say like journey. Yeah. Yeah. And I say that a lot too because I, when I, when I talk about it, I'm like. Journey, like I say like big bold letters because I don't know if there ever will be an end to this journey But I definitely have reached a point where I can look back and be very proud So I will say a lot of it started when I guess like we can all say like I was really young and I was Never a thin child. I was Chubby, I literally was talking the other day and I remember I grew up in the Bronx And so I would go to these like really big I guess they were like discount clothing stores Mm hmm, and I remember being with my two cousins who were more petite and We would spend a lot of time with my grandmother and she would take us and she would like buy my two cousins like matching Clothes and then I kid you not We would have to go to a clothing section that was labeled husky. Oh No, yeah And I don't know why I, I, that was like a memory I unlocked the other day. And I had just like blocked it out for literal years. But I guess that's kind of like the origin of like, where honestly my body issues started because I never really realized like, wow, like I was really being ostracized for my size for, uh, from the beginning, like, Husky? Yeah,
Julia Salvia:like before you even realized it. I was in
Jaina Lopez:kindergarten! I'm like, kindergarten, and my grandma's buying husky sized
Julia Salvia:clothes for girls. What is that? It's like so funny. But it's really not, like when you get to the, I think it's just the word, like I've never heard of someone use the word husky.
Jaina Lopez:Yeah, no, but I like remember it, like I can see, I can see the store and I can see the sign. And I remember being like, why can't I just like, shop in the other section? But it literally was because like, that was the only place where like, the clothes would fit me. And I remember being like, actually bullied, like, in elementary school by kids because I was chubbier. And I, one pivotal moment for me, and I made the funniest, like, story time on TikTok about this, was I had a crush in the third grade on a fourth grade boy. I always loved, I always liked them a little bit older.
Julia Salvia:Same. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit.
Jaina Lopez:Just a little bit older. And, um, I remember I had this friend, and she went, and she ran up to this boy, and she's like, Oh, that's my friend, she has a crush on you. And he looked at her, she goes, Her? She's fat. I think his name's like Brian or something, so Brian? Fuck you, Brian. Fuck you. Fuck you, Brian. Look at me now. But yeah, I literally remember. Wow. And, but like as a third grade girl, that was like traumatizing, um, and then so there were like all these like little things that just like would build and build and build where like I would just continue to not feel pretty and not feel worthy, you know what I mean? So like it was like, Yeah. That was that moment and then it was moving out of the Bronx and living in a predominantly white neighborhood and being one of three minority kids in my grade and Just being like, why does no one look like me? Yeah, and not only that why is Why do no boys like me, right? Yeah, because and I can't blame them for not liking me right because they all they know is to like people that look like them Yeah, right, but why why am I in high school? And now no boys like me, right? Yep. So that was a whole thing. It's
Julia Salvia:like you're just constantly getting ostracized. Like you're constantly like the outer person. And that is not, even if it's like you don't realize it in that moment, I think mainly because our brains are so young. Mhmm. But it sticks with you for the rest of your life. Yeah. And then it all just clicks. Yeah.
Jaina Lopez:And you're like, oh, fuck. Mhmm. Wow.
Julia Salvia:That's why. Like that's. Because it just kept happening over and over again that you weren't chosen, essentially. And that it was always, like, you were the one that was different because you had to go in a different, like, section of, of clothes versus even people that were within, your own family. Yeah.
Jaina Lopez:That's me. It's like, I was either a different size of clothes, or I was a different color, or like, I wasn't getting attention, and in my head, I'm like, is it because I was a different color? Is it because I'm a different size, or is it because at that time, like, We were living in a low income housing, and that neighborhood, honestly, where I was living was a very wealthy neighborhood. And the only reason we lived there was because we were living in, essentially, the projects of that neighborhood. And I was like, is it because we're poor? Like, you know what I mean? So, I think it was just always that feeling of not feeling like I belonged. Um, and also just like not knowing, like, what is the reason. And I know now a lot of That too is, just like the consumption of media and materials that we were reading, right? Like, I think back to like, a lot of these like, Were you a reader? Like, a magazine reader. Okay, magazines. Yeah. I also like, would read a lot of like, those teen romance books.
Julia Salvia:Yes! How? Me too!
Jaina Lopez:There's one How unreasonable was that? Like, that was so unrealistic. They were fucked up. Yeah. They were like
Julia Salvia:abusive in the teen romance and like they're making you romanticize abusive
Jaina Lopez:relationships in like the books. Yes. I
Julia Salvia:remember so many of them. Like the guy was always like this badass that was super hot and like would put the girl in positions that were like uncomfortable. But like they
Jaina Lopez:fell in love yeah. Yes. You're reading all this stuff. You're seeing all this like, all these magazines and all this imagery. So you're like, I don't look like any of these photos. I'm not having any of these high school experiences I'm reading about, which also, they're books, right? But as a kid, you're, you don't know that. So, it's just like, what is happening? You're like, someone wrote
Julia Salvia:this off a true story.
Jaina Lopez:Yeah, that's what you really think. And I'm not a part of the true story. You're like, my life is nothing like that. But you're like, why? Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Um, so I would say, Then, if we fast forward a little bit, I ended up moving to Jersey to a more diverse neighborhood and, um, boys, of course, started liking me. Why? Because they were Latino boys and Latinos love Latinos and you know what I mean? But again, like, you know, the stuff from the past still sits with you and then that's when I entered a really toxic and awful relationship for a really, really long time. Um, and that pretty much brought me to, like, my lowest low for, like, seven years I was in that relationship. Yeah. And I think the thing, I've talked a lot about it, and I remember, I try to, like, not talk too much about it at this point because I kind of had an epiphany where I was like, I think there's certain things that when you keep talking about them, although I want to educate people on the matter, it also gives power to the other person. Yeah. So it's kind of like you're treading this fine line about about like educating people about that stuff But also like you don't want to give that person that like energetic power by just like talking about them Yeah, but regardless like that was a whole other like Now I was low So I would say I really started kind of climbing up out of that was when I got out of that relationship because he was also one to Kind of feed on my childhood insecurities, right? So it's like he knew what had been built up, right? We just like went through my history and like he knew what had build up been built up all that time He knew I felt that he knew I felt ugly He knew I felt undesired And it was like any sort of ounce of power that he could have to like use that against me He would right and that was like his manipulation tactic and it worked, unfortunately For a really, really long time. But we're safe now. We're I'm out of it. Yes. Um, I'm engaged. Yeah.. But I think, um, one of the biggest parts about that was taking my power back right? When I realized that one of the biggest things was that I allowed people and things and the media and all these outside sources to like dictate what. I felt about myself, you know what I mean? And I think that was a power that I let them have yep You know what I mean? So I think that's a big part of like the self love journey No one can take your
Julia Salvia:power unless you allow them to no one can take your light unless you allow them to
Jaina Lopez:so it's like what a what a weird situation to be in where like It's like you physically are allowing these outside sources to like make these decisions and like Kind of like opinions and dictate like who you are, you know, so of course, you know, like I'm in a better place now and I'm probably more accepting of myself than I've ever been. But I think sometimes you still have to, you know, your inner child still there, your inner teen. Yep. They come out every now and then and you got to kind of deal with that a little bit.. I actually was listening to another podcast the other day and I sent it to you, I don't know if you listened to it. Not yet. But, um, there was It's been a week!
Julia Salvia:Yeah. It's been a week. It's okay, you
Jaina Lopez:have time. But there was some, one of the guys on there, he said something very profound that honestly like I knew I needed to hear that in that moment but he was saying how through life there's like, you start, what we don't realize we do is when there's things we don't want to deal with and we Kind of like, brush past it. We think we're just like, throwing it away. But really like, your shadow self like, picks it up and holds it on for later. Oh. Right? Yeah. And that's why we end up having to do so much shadow work. So like so we're it's
Julia Salvia:kind of like sweeping things under the rug in a way Like you're gonna go back cleaning the house and like the more you sweep things under the rug the bigger the rugs like gonna get Mm hmm, you're eventually gonna have to clean it. Yeah, so that's like the same thing
Jaina Lopez:like yeah Yeah, so I think that that's kind of the point I'm at now where it's like I built myself back up But I'm realizing there's still a lot of like shadow work to do. Yeah That's like resurfacing things that I thought I didn't Have to deal with anymore that I thought I dealt with. Yep. I'm like, all right, here we go. It's coming back up
Julia Salvia:That's kind of something that, um, Karen We have the same sidekick. We like to talk about it a lot. Karen said to me the other day, she's like, I'm picturing you in this big dress and it has so many pockets and all of those pockets are filled and what happens when you're wearing a dress and the pockets are all filled with something? It's weighing you down. So you have to empty out the pocket and, you know, see what it is. It's deal with whatever it is, or decide to completely let it go, or fix it, you know, fix it up, whatnot, put it away somewhere else, or put it back in the pocket if it belongs there. So, that's kind of where I'm at too, like just picking everything out of the pocket and like taking a look at it and saying, is this shadow work that I have to do? Is this It's something that just, I need to just let go of, is it something that I need to finalize and complete? Mm hmm. Um, or is it something that just needs to be thrown away? Do you remember
Jaina Lopez:when everyone was like Marie Kondo ing their life? I,
Julia Salvia:I need some Marie Kondo in my life. Yeah. I need to literally and figuratively Marie Does
Jaina Lopez:this serve me and make me happy? Yes. I need to let
Julia Salvia:it go. That's what you need to do. Marie Kondo! I love you, Marie Kondo. I genuinely was looking at a bunch of cabinets before you guys came over. It's time. That's a sign. Some of these are Figuratively and literally. Some of these cabinets really need to be cleaned out. Oh my god. So, what led you to, this part of your journey of self love? And I'm proud of you for where you're at today. Thanks. Oh, that makes me emotional. Um, that made me emotional when I said it to you last time too. No, don't cry because I'll cry. I'm not gonna cry. I have tears in my eyes but I'm not gonna cry. What led you to creating Diosa? Tell everybody what Diosa is, what you're sharing with the world, and what specifically made you choose like that product?
Jaina Lopez:Yeah, so, I think um, first of all, the reason I feel so called to just self, like share self love, right, is because I have always felt a higher purpose to just like, Educate and share my story. Mm hmm. It's just always been that way. Yeah, the I don't know what it's been I've been doing it since before I even had a following on tik tok Like I was just posting and I felt the second I started Healing after leaving my last relationship I was posting about it because I was like if there's anybody that needs to hear this they should hear this, right? And so I've kind of just always taken that approach because the way I see it social media First of all is so filled with a bunch of people that are trying to sell this unrealistic way of life And I try to like remind myself because even I get caught up in it, right? Yeah, like People are sharing their best moments. That's all they're sharing Even me sometimes great like it's like the constant highlight reel. Yeah, so like There's just like, it's not real. It's not real. Yeah. So I try to remember like, I want to be as realistic as possible, because if I could be what I wish I had when I was a teenager, you know what I mean? At least I'm doing a good job doing that. You
Julia Salvia:were literally saying everything that like, even I say to myself, I'm like, if I just had who I am today, When I was this age, or when I was that age, or when I was going through this, or when I was going through that. Maybe I wouldn't be in, you know, maybe my journey would have looked a lot different. It would have looked so much different than what it is today. If I had even just someone, and that's what goes through my head whenever I'm sharing anything that a lot of people might feel uncomfortable to hear. I'm like, someone needs to hear this because they need to at the very least. Know that there aren't going through it
Jaina Lopez:alone. Yeah. At the very least. Yeah. That's totally it. It's like, I want to be like, I want it to feel accessible and attainable. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I want it to feel real. That's why even like something as shallow, right, let's say like as fashion, right? Yeah. Because fashion is shallow. Yeah. It's still, I try to approach it as, at like an attainable and a realistic frame of mind. Yeah. Because you have these fashion influencers that are Posting stuff that I'm like, yeah, that's a beautiful outfit. But how many people are wearing this outfit, right? So that's just my two cents on that. Yeah but as far as what FIOSA is I Wanted to kind of create an extension of just who I am as a person and how can I continue to share? that feeling of just like self love and The word I like to use is ethereal, and that is just like, I get that
Julia Salvia:vibe. I like that. That's
Jaina Lopez:perfect. Aligning. And that's just like always like the feeling that I want it to be, right? And I know sometimes I'm like, how do you, how do you translate ethereal? Like, right? Like what a weird concept. Yeah. But um, I created the Goddess Glow Oil as my first product, um, because it not only is a nourishing and healing product for your skin, which I think is kind of like a very like symbolic thing, right? Because we're all being healed on the inside as we go through our self love journey, but it also is like, it makes you glisten really beautifully. Like it has like, it's ethereal. Yeah, it makes you
Julia Salvia:look ethereal. When I think of the word ethereal, I think of like, yeah, angelic and like, Sparkly
Jaina Lopez:and like, like I think of
Julia Salvia:everything that Diosa
Jaina Lopez:is so
Julia Salvia:it's on the right track. Yeah, it's on the right track in my brain
Jaina Lopez:So I do want to eventually like i'm still navigating like what I want it to become right and I think that's the hardest thing with any brand because A brand can be anything you want it to be. Yeah. And I think that's, that's scary. It's like too much.
Julia Salvia:Yeah. It's too much. I'm like, there's so much It's kind of like, journey. It's like, oh, like almost like overwhelming sometimes. Because you're like, I want it to go this way. What about this? What about
Jaina Lopez:this? I'm like, I have too much power in my hands
Julia Salvia:right now. Too many options. It's like when, when someone gives you the choice of what you want to eat, but they don't give you any choices. They're just like, what do you want to eat? And like, yeah, I don't
Jaina Lopez:know. Yeah, but I do just know I want it to be a beauty and lifestyle brand yeah, like I want people to be when they think like self love and self love journey and a place like The way I want to be a safe space on the internet. I want this brand to feel like a safe space for people yeah, and I just that's all I know and that's all I'm trying to navigate and that is That's what I hope it grows into.
Julia Salvia:I mean, it's it's already going well From what I see it makes sense. Everything is on on its way. I
Jaina Lopez:hate being like this woo woo spiritual person, but you get it I'm like, yeah, I just like I'm working on it and I'm doing my things intuitively and I'm just like whatever Yeah, it's just like how it's going and I'm happy with it. It's like other people pulling out
Julia Salvia:a whole like, okay This is quarter one. This is quarter two. This is quarter five. This is quarter ten and we're just like I'm doing what
Jaina Lopez:feels right.
Julia Salvia:Doing what feels right. Ow, it's gonna go. It's gonna just, it's just gonna go. Yeah. And we're gonna see how it comes. It will. It will happen. to fruition. I love that. So, with the Goddess Glow Oil, do you see, um, Any, like, slight direction of, like, what it would go to, like, your next, like, product? Or even, um, I know you guys have, like, the cutest pullover. Yeah. And hats, too. I, yeah. Do you see, like, the next thing, maybe?
Jaina Lopez:I am, I'm waiting for a sample to come in. I am launching another, like, wearable product, like, not a beauty product. Um, so that's soon to come. It's really cute, but I'm waiting for the sample to come in. Those do really well. People like to wear things. People like when, people buy clothing for me.
Julia Salvia:I mean it makes sense because we share clothing. I've been thinking about doing like something like that, but I'm really big on like matching sets. So it has to be a matching set.
Jaina Lopez:What if I told you this was a matching set? No, it's not.
Julia Salvia:Yeah, it is. No, it's not! Yeah. Oh, we're sometimes on the same wavelength. I know. It's kind of weird. It freaks me out. It kind of freaks me out, too. I think the world needs to know, Jaina and I are on the same wavelength sometimes to the point where I'll be thinking about doing something or thinking about something, and either she's already in the process of doing it like we haven't talked to each other about it It hasn't happened and this could be as something's as small as like a restaurant Yeah how we want to try or something that we're building and it's like either one or the other like you're thinking about or actively doing It or and then I'm doing it and you're thinking about it. It's the Craziest thing
Jaina Lopez:it's creepy. It really
Julia Salvia:is actually very creepy and sometimes I'm like Um, what the fuck is going on? I think it's the, what we talked about earlier, we were talking about, um, Jaina's astrology and you have a north node in Libra. And Your, uh, your Libra's in your third house of communications, and I have a north node in my third house as well But mine's in Scorpio, and the north node is essentially where you're going in life So it makes sense that like every time we talk like where we're going or like what we're working on kind of like aligns But it's always different. Yeah. Um, which I find so interesting. Like, like we said before, mine's just a very Scorpio direction and yours is a very Libra direction and it's just really cute.
Jaina Lopez:Mine's always like flirty and fun. Yeah.
Julia Salvia:And mine's just like really deep. Like they're both really aesthetic, but like mine's just like, wants to like hit you in the gut with like some tears. Happy tears. Maybe some sad ones, but, but that's literally what it is. That's really exciting. That's super exciting. I'll be buying. You don't even know what it looks like. No, I don't, but I'll buy it. So you're getting married
Jaina Lopez:soon. I am
Julia Salvia:indeed. And I'm going to the wedding and I'm so excited. I think I'm, I'm just so excited. I told you I'm so excited because you're a creator and I know how creative you can be. And I'm just excited to see how things are put together at the wedding. And I know that it's going to be. And just so much more meaningful knowing you as a person in regards to like all the details and just how it all comes together versus honestly like your classic church wedding. Yeah. No offense to church weddings. No offense to church weddings. No offense to church weddings at all. I just think that it's really not the person, it's the church that doesn't allow you to actually create the wedding into what you want it to be. So I'm just excited in general to see how you put everything together. What are you most excited about? For the wedding?
Jaina Lopez:Yes. Um, that's really funny. I mean, For it to be over? Yeah, my brain was like, for it to be over.
Julia Salvia:I was like, my brain said it. I was like, oh, that wasn't a great question, because you're probably going to say for it to be over.
Jaina Lopez:No, honestly. I'm really excited to see it all put together. Yeah, because I've seen obviously like I've been collecting items
Julia Salvia:Where are they going?
Jaina Lopez:They're in storage. Oh, I literally had to get a storage unit for like items. I Oh my gosh, okay Here's a tip a bride tip for any brides out there possible future bride
Julia Salvia:um
Jaina Lopez:A pro of, or, to save money on your wedding day, sometimes it is nice to, like, provide your own things. So, like, for example, like, my florist is literally only providing flowers. Sometimes florists will do, like, candles and flowers, and they'll take care of the whole centerpiece. I was like, no, I'm gonna do, like, candles and flowers. I did that and I actually probably did save a lot of money, right? I think I'm also working with a floral designer who's fairly new and I will say because I am a creator I will acknowledge that I also am getting some deals on some stuff, right?
Julia Salvia:No issue with that at all I don't know why people Yeah, shit sometimes on that. I think there's nothing to shit on. Well, I think if it's a lining why
Jaina Lopez:not? Yeah I think sometimes also some creators aren't transparent about it. Yeah, and that's when people get
Julia Salvia:like that's when I think that's the thing Whether yeah, like whether it's wedding or not. Yeah, be just just be
Jaina Lopez:transparent about it I will I will say I have gotten a couple discounts on some stuff. Yeah, but um, I Like I said, I've been collecting things but because I like you don't normally know like how many tables you have or things like that until around this point So we're like three weeks out from the wedding And I had no idea like how many tables were in the reception space whatever because you don't know how many people are rsvp Yeah, you know what I mean? So I was just like i'm gonna buy as many candles as possible Because in my head i'm like I'd rather have too many candles than none at all Mm hmm, and I literally was talking to the wedding planner this week, and I was like, okay, I have like 90 something these and I have like 90 of these and I have like a hundred and something of these These are not fake numbers. Like I have hundreds and hundreds of candles
Julia Salvia:By the way, what are you gonna do with them?
Jaina Lopez:I'm gonna sell them like whatever. Yeah, cuz like the wedding We also like buy from like Facebook groups. The wedding resale market is great
Julia Salvia:I've seen a lot of people like selling like old like frames or things that they used. Yeah,
Jaina Lopez:if it's good just buy it because Who cares? And I had bought 90 floating candles Cuz in my head I'm like, yeah, that's a great deal They weren't they were a great deal. I got a great deal on them but I asked the wedding planner today, I was like, hey, now that we know how many tables, because you know, we're doing cocktail style ceremony, right? So there aren't any assigned seats. Mm hmm. So you're not caught off guard. Yeah She goes, uh, maybe like 20 or 30 You
Julia Salvia:just got 60 extra floating candles. Yeah, just floating around. I was like,
Jaina Lopez:I'm not telling Sean
Julia Salvia:That was my first thought. Hopefully he doesn't listen to the podcast. He's not. I don't think he's gonna. He can't know. The secret is safe with us, guys. He can't know. He will die. I can't believe that. Yeah. I think you'll be able to resell
Jaina Lopez:them, though. Yeah. For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For like, those like, moody
Julia Salvia:brides. Yeah. When you know how you were like, oh your house is dark like a Scorpio I even said I was like your vibe for your wedding is probably gonna be like moody. My candles are black Oh, there you go. Yeah, you said that I didn't see your candles would be black, but I said moody moody Yeah, like I definitely pictured your wedding to be moody.
Jaina Lopez:It's moody. All right Mm hmm. So I hope there's some moody brides out guests are wearing
Julia Salvia:black, so. Yeah. Even more moody. Yeah. If anyone needs 60 floating tables, give us a call. You know where to find me. Well, what about, um, your wedding that you, what's something like you incorporated into your wedding that I guess would kind of shine through, like, your personality in regards to, like, your self love journey. Because, talking about going from this really horrible relationship to the relationship that you have now, that, from my eyes, is lovely and amazing. And from what you've talked to me and shared with me, is just the best. And it's so, it's amazing to have the opportunity to, like, watch you guys grow in love. And, what part of that I guess transition from just this really not great place to you coming in like this powerful person that you are Do you think is coming through in also your wedding? Yeah,
Jaina Lopez:so, okay So honestly, like Sean and my relationship is like the best ever like I wouldn't trade it for a thing and it's so crazy I remember I forget who I was talking to. It wasn't Karen. It was Kenneth Who was, she was a friend who used to do Reiki on me. She also was very intuitive. And I remember when I, like, had just moved into Sean's apartment, so things were still kind of, like, fresh. And she was saying, like, how this, like, unexplainable connection I felt from Sean. And I remember I told you that. Like, it was weird, right? Yeah, like, right when you first started dating. Literally after our first date, I was like, this could in fact be my husband. Yeah! She, like, was saying how she felt like Sean and I met in the stars, which is crazy, but I could see that. So, depending on how crazy you want to get here, um, if we're talking about, like, lifetimes, right? Souls play different roles in different lifetimes for different people. Um, I truly believe this is mine and Sean's first lifetime together, right? And I think that because I hold this, like, so secretly, the one thing in our wedding, That I guess it resembles that would actually be like our private vows and I think that isn't something And again, it's like not something that anybody but us is really gonna. Yeah, it is Yeah but I think it's like kind of just like the testament that like I don't need anybody else to like hear that like we are Such and we keep like our love so like quiet in a way, you know what I mean? Like Like it's very like our intimacy is very secretive in a way. Yeah, you know what I mean? We're not blatantly like making out. Yeah
Julia Salvia:In front of people, you
Jaina Lopez:know what I mean? So I think that like like I think that is like kind of like the biggest reflection of just like what that means it's cuz like it's such a big and important step for us, but also like It's like so much deeper than that. That like for us, that like first look in the private vows is gonna be probably the deepest and most intense part of the whole day. Yeah, cuz like what everybody else is gonna see is gonna be like the basic ones. Yeah. Shawn's cousin's marrying us and it's literally like all I have to say is I do. Like literally, I'm, we're not even repeating after her. I do.
Julia Salvia:Yep. I mean, that makes sense that, that, that it would be, it would be that because you're right. You don't have to share that moment with anyone else because. At the end of the day, as I say, It's not about anybody else. No, it's not about anyone else except for the both of you. And I think that's also why I'm so excited because I feel like a lot of people unfortunately get so wrapped up in everyone else Mhm. That their wedding doesn't end up being about them. Yeah. And I think that that's why I get married then.
Jaina Lopez:Yeah. I had no problem telling people no.
Julia Salvia:Good. Fuck em. Yeah.
Jaina Lopez:Kindly. I know Sean's mom isn't obviously ever seen this but Kindly. She heard no a lot.
Julia Salvia:Uh, that's the position I feel like. I'm like just thinking about all of this wedding stuff because everyone else around me is getting engaged, married, babies, everything and it's got my mind thinking about it and how it would go and what I would do and I think a lot of people are going to be hearing some no's and a lot of people are not going to be very happy and I just don't really
Jaina Lopez:care. I feel like everyone heard no from me. And honestly, I feel like my family has no idea what anything even looks like like people are like, oh, yeah, we'll help Do you think I asked for help?
Julia Salvia:No, I'd rather do it myself. Yeah You have complete control control over everything no one has any clue what they're walking into that day Surprises for everybody. Just me. Yeah, well, not even Sean. It's all Sean. It's his surprise party. Has he helped with like any anything? No, he does. He helps. He does.
Jaina Lopez:Yeah. He's involved. He's involved. He's gotten better. It's a lot. It's just so
Julia Salvia:many little conversations. It's just like a lot of little things and even when we were talking about it when you were super early on to like your wedding stuff. Yeah. You got everything done. Yeah. You were like check, check, check, check, check. But you can't really check every little thing off until right now. Yeah. Because now is when you know exactly how many people are coming. And there's certain things that can't even be booked until like three months before sometimes. So
Jaina Lopez:Well now is the part that sucks because now it's like all your vendors are coming like, Alright, time to pay up. Where's the money? Where's the rest of the money? Mm hmm. Because like, making a deposit feels like nothing. A deposit's like 500. Yeah. Which, of course, 500 is money, right? But like, 500 compared to like 3, 000. Compared to the rest of the 3K or the 4K that you owe them. Mm hmm. You know, that is
Julia Salvia:That hurts a little. That hurts a little. Yeah.
Jaina Lopez:Mm hmm. So Sean and I have been like, because obviously we're funding our wedding ourselves. Yeah. And so we have like our account where like, we've just been saving for everything and I literally am like, that money and that number in there, that's not real. Because that balance is probably going to be zero.
Julia Salvia:We dilute it in like one week. February 22nd comes.
Jaina Lopez:In another couple weeks, it's going to be
Julia Salvia:zero. Which I love the date also, 222. 222.
Jaina Lopez:I love that. Well, you know why it's 222, right? Well tell me. Tell us. Because when I started really finding my spirituality, I started seeing angel numbers a lot. And I wasn't fully, this was also, I want to say this was before spiritual talk and like everyone was talking about manifestation and like I have my own thoughts on that stuff because I think people are a little predatory about that kind of stuff right now. Yeah. Um, but I was truly fine. I like to call it my spiritual awakening period. Mm hmm. Because that's what it felt like. Yeah. Um, but I was seeing a lot of. Um, angel numbers and I remember seeing 2 2 2 all the time and I looked it up and I remember it was like something about like, something about love, right, was like when the first angel popped up. And I was like, hmm, maybe I should start dating. Cause like, I was finally feeling open to like, maybe start going on dates again. I had a call with Karen, our psychic, and she kind of was just like, she reaffirmed, she was like, Someone made you feel like you were not worthy of love, but you are and you will find love But you have to start going on dates. Mm hmm. I literally
Julia Salvia:remember having a conversation with you
Jaina Lopez:Yes, sir going on dates and she was like because You know, you have to build your confidence up again And I feel like if we were to give you like a psychic timeline, you'll meet your husband in six months Oh, I
Julia Salvia:remember you call. Yeah, we're talking about she's like Karen said six months. And when did it happen after that date, uh, when you talked to Karen that time? How many, like, months after did you meet
Jaina Lopez:Sean? Six months. And do you know what was even crazier? What? Remember, 2 2 2, all the time. Our, I think it was our third date. Sean was like, just come over to my house, I'll cook dinner, we'll watch a movie, chill. I was like, okay, cool. What's your address? His house number? 222. Oh
Julia Salvia:my gosh. Yeah. That was your guides literally saying?
Jaina Lopez:I said, well, I didn't know already. Here. This is my husband. Yeah, and I remember telling my mom and stepdad cuz like I also was like not raised in a household where like I could bring guys around like I didn't feel comfortable doing that. So like They didn't ever meet like Sean was the first guy they met Yeah so my sister likes to joke around like because she she has like a little boyfriend thing right now and she was like She was like nervous to bring him around and she was like well Not all of us can be you and bring home your husband like bring home their husband But um, so I remember I like was like saying like hey, I'm talking to this guy I would like you guys to meet him and I had told them what Karen said like Months prior and my mom jokingly was like, is this your husband? I said, maybe
Julia Salvia:Was your maybe really a maybe or was it like a I think so yeah It was like I
Jaina Lopez:think so like at that point and we were only like a couple dates like maybe talking for two months.
Julia Salvia:I Have a video actually From the day that I met Nick, of me going into the, um, I was either in the, I think it was in the bathroom. I had gone to the bathroom right after, like, our date was over. Um, he was waiting for me to come out of the bathroom, I go in the bathroom. And, it was actually the first day I was gonna start filming this series, cause I would go on a lot of dates. Yes, he told me this. I would go on a lot of dates, and I had the craziest experiences on these dates. And I just, I love talking to people, so that's really how I looked at it. I was like, I just want to meet new people and talk to new people and really understand who I am and what I want in a person. So, I was at my wits end though, when I went on a date, on the date with him. And I was like, you know what, I'm gonna start this series where I film myself before a date, and how I'm feeling about it, my little get ready with me, and then I'm gonna film myself after the date. Well, that series never went live because I was in the bathroom, like, literally just like, I couldn't wipe the smile off of my face, I was like, I literally think I met my husband. Yeah. It was so weird. It's weird. And people say that all the time too, like, you'll know.
Jaina Lopez:Yeah. Oh, you'll know the first day that you meet.
Julia Salvia:And I'm like, yeah, okay. Yeah. I thought I've met my husband before, but like, I don't know. I was so sure. It was, it was crazy.
Jaina Lopez:Yeah, no, you know, it's the weirdest thing, and then I also, what I never understood is a lot of people would be like, oh, like, love should be easy, right? Like it'll be easy, like real love is easy, and that was like a lot of, like, things people would tell me, especially with my, my last relationship, and like, I was just like, I never understood it, because obviously, like, what I thought was love just felt so hard. Yeah. And I think now, too, like, yes, like, love is easy. Like, this is very, my relationship is very easy, but I think it's also, like, it's very easy to also work for. You know what I mean? Yeah, because you want to work for it. It's not easy, like, it's not like we don't have any problems, or like, there aren't issues or things we have to work through, but like, it is so easy to fight for it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Or like, work through things. Yep.
Julia Salvia:Even when I absolutely hate mixed cuts. Yeah. I'm so
Jaina Lopez:pissed at him. The way Johan annoys me.
Julia Salvia:It's very easy to, like, just come back together, almost in the same way. And I know some people may have not had the same experiences with, like, Like siblings or family and whatnot. I know I haven't but sometimes it's that same feeling that you get with family where it's easy to fight about something and then come back together. Yeah. But in a relationship it might, might be hard to, hard in the sense of It's bringing out everything. Like it's bringing out that shadow part of you more. It's bringing out all the things that you thought were healed that were not healed more. I know I have definitely experienced that after the insurmountable relationships that I've been in that were so bad. For me, um, going into the relationship with him, it's like all of these things where I was the problem, within the problem, are coming out. And I'm like, I gotta check myself. I'm like, oh! Hold on, but it's still, it, but it's easy to like choose to work on yourself, it's easy to choose to be better, to love harder, and to just, to just love
Jaina Lopez:each other. I think also too, like when you're further along like in that journey of just like recognizing your patterns and what you have to work through. Like, when you're in a relationship, like you're saying, it's easy to notice, like, those things. Yes. And, like, correct them and, or even just be able to, like, talk about them. Like, I've gotten really good at, like, recognizing when there's, like, Sean will say something or do something that will trigger something and I know why now. Yes. You know what I mean? And I can be like, hey, like, this is making me feel this way and this is why. Like, is there a way that we can maybe adjust that? And he is really amazing about, like, being very conscious on, like, Not doing that again. You know what I mean? Or approaching the scenarios differently next time. You know? And that's what real partners do.
Julia Salvia:That's why love is easy. Yeah. No, literally. Okay, we're at the most exciting part. I love this because I, of course, have like some questions in my head before anyone comes on the podcast, but these questions, I've still to this day have not looked at all of them for a reason. So we intuitively are going to pick from the, um, are we, we are not strangers. We're not really strangers. I always forget they're not. They are so great. And you know what's so funny? I was thinking about this the other day that they come off to me as if they are just like, in the best way, this extremely creative, smart, like, college student posting. Yeah. But they do so much that there's no fucking way. I need to know who's
Jaina Lopez:behind
Julia Salvia:that account. Reveal yourself. It's funny because they probably do all the time and we just don't know who it is. I know. We're just being ignorant. We could probably just Google it. So we have, um, past, present, and future. Gina's going to pick a question from each of them. And we're going to talk about it. Let's start with the, I think these are the, level one is. Past,
Jaina Lopez:so. Okay, so I'm going here? Yeah. These make me think of this, like, crystal shop I used to go to that had, like, the little box at the front that would, like, you'd intuitively, intuitively, like, pick a message. Wait, really?
Julia Salvia:Mm hmm. It's kind of like fortune cookies, but,
Jaina Lopez:yeah. Crystal shop. Yeah. Wildcard. Like a one thing you don't need anymore. Oh.
Julia Salvia:What's one thing you don't need anymore? Let go of it right in this very moment.
Jaina Lopez:This is a hard one. Feeling like I am not good enough for my career. We're letting go of imposter
Julia Salvia:syndrome. Yep, we're letting it go. That's how I felt this week. Literally that, in a nutshell. Hooray! Yep, we're letting it go. Bye! We're letting it go.
Jaina Lopez:See ya!
Julia Salvia:Goodbye! See you never. See ya later. Actually, no. See you never. Never. Never. Never. I'll probably see you. I'll probably see you later. That's like, uh,
Jaina Lopez:I was recording stories the other day and I was like, I said something. I was like, not like I'm insecure. I literally looked at the camera, I'm
Julia Salvia:like, I'm insecure. People tell, they're like, you're the most confident person in the world. I'm like, oh, what do you mean? Says who? I said, I'm a liar, I'm a scammer, I'm a fraud. I'm glad you think that. But Then I sent him a voice note, me and my voice notes. Yeah, that's really not true. Yeah, I fooled you all. I tricked ya. Okay, the next one is Number two. Number two, which is present. So,
Jaina Lopez:um, right, the right now. Right now. I feel like this is like tarot, but
Julia Salvia:not. Mm hmm. That's why I like to not look at them myself, because I'm like, it's kind of like tarot.
Jaina Lopez:What is your way of loving people the wrong way? Oh. What's your way of loving people the wrong way? Mmm. Like, how do you love people the wrong way? Yeah, like, do you do anything like unhealthy? Love, to like love people? Any unhealthy I think I have some. Oh! I think I have one. I feel like, I don't know if this is Hmm. I think sometimes I tend to overcompensate when I'm worried that what I have to say will hurt the person I So
Julia Salvia:do you, like, overcompensate in regards to, like, beating around the bush, or just I'm almost, like, thinking, like, sparkles, like, like, adding more info to the heart rather than bluntly saying it?
Jaina Lopez:Yeah. Hmm. Like, I, I tend to, but I don't know if that's Cause, like, I, I show, like, for example, let's, we'll use Sean, right? Cause I love Sean, he's a very easy example. I, the people that I love, I will always be very honest with, and I also will always want to like, point out if there's things that I think I can help them with, right? Yeah. But I think the way that I communicate sometimes can be a little bit hard for people. Mm hmm. And I think sometimes, even though Sean has told me he can handle it. I still get worried he can't. Mm hmm. So I'll like over pad the
Julia Salvia:room Yeah, you know what? I mean? Yeah Mm hmm. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, that's kind of like a Virgo Tendency me and my astrology Because Virgos are so hard on their self themselves. They're like the perfectionist of all perfectionists. Mm hmm and It's funny you say that because Nick and I do that to each other But sometimes it comes off more like, critical. Okay. But it's like we criticize to, because it's coming from a place of love. Mm hmm. So it's not like, Yeah. It's not like we're, we don't love each other, we love each other. Mm hmm. It's like always feeling the need to be like you have hair on your face Let me fix it for you or like let me fix your shirt Okay, like being like ever so slightly critical in a way that
Jaina Lopez:yeah, like so yeah Mine might not be maybe that I don't think yeah minimal mine mine will be like really profound. You're like really hiding things So that's why I'm like, yeah Cushion the space. Cause I'm scared
Julia Salvia:how you'll react. I'm scared how you'll react. Cause this might rock your world and make you feel like life is ending. Uh huh. You know what I mean? Yes. No, I think my, if I were to answer like this question, like I think mine's just like a little bit lighter in the sense of like, It's like always pointing out something that's wrong. Mhmm. But like coming from a good place. Okay. Like coming from a place of love. Okay. Like, Hey, don't ever wear that shirt with those bands
Jaina Lopez:again., do you have any love languages that like Nick just does not appreciate? Yes. Yes. Okay. Touch. He just doesn't like you're, he just is not a
Julia Salvia:touchy person. Okay. And I'm a touchy person. Okay. Person. So, like, I think he loves, he always says he loves it when I touch him. Mm-Hmm.. But like, there's so many moments where he's just like, like, get off of me.. Jaina Lopez: Okay. Mine is like, I, mine too is touch. But I'm, I've recently realized that I guess. gifts are a lot higher than I thought they were. Like you're giving gifts? Yeah. Yeah. Um, so I love buying Sean things. Like it's, and I know he appreciates them, but then every now and then I'll be like, Sean hasn't bought me presents in like ever. And I know that's not his love language, but like, and he'll be like, I do so many things for you. Like he's such a, he does like actions. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like he really is so good about like, Doing actions, but like I'll be like I buy you so many things. Where's mine? Can you just like buy me something? Like I just want to know what you're thinking about me. Yes. I think we all have like, we have love languages that we do ourselves to people. And then ones that we want back. Touch is one of mine that is both. So I have, I like to touch, but I also like to be touched.
Jaina Lopez:Yeah, that's both
Julia Salvia:mine and Sean's for sure. Yeah, and then um, I also, mine is gifts, but I don't necessarily like receiving gifts. Um, but I like to give gifts too. Um, and then back towards me though is quality time. Huge. Huge. I don't know how much quality time I per se. I
Jaina Lopez:think I might have all the love languages. Is that possible? I
Julia Salvia:think that too. I do think it's possible. I think that they come in levels. I have all of them. I think they come in levels. Very similar to like how astrology, like you have all the signs, but each of them kind of sits at a different spot so that they're all kind of like different levels, so to speak.
Jaina Lopez:I think, I think love languages are the same. I think words of affirmation used to be a lot higher on my list because of my past relationship. Yep. I needed it more. Yep. Like in the beginning with Sean, but now I'm like, no, I know this man loves me. Like you don't have to tell me that. Yeah. Buy me
Julia Salvia:gifts. Yeah. Buy me things. I'll put in a good word. I'll tell Nick. Buy me presents. Tell Sean to buy his Gina more gifts. He's just gonna roll his eyes. I literally will say to his face, buy me presents. And you know what I say to Nick? Touch me, please. Like, can I have a hug? Like me, all day. Can I have a hug? Can I have a hug? Can I have
Jaina Lopez:a hug? Oh my god, no.
Julia Salvia:Do you want to hold my hand? Can I have a kiss? No, I don't even ask. I'm just all over Sean all the time. It's so funny though because like he, I don't, I don't always ask, trust me. I think I just ask when it's like he, he's not, he's clearly like busy. He does not want me to get under his skin. But he does touch me. It's like, it's always a back and forth. It's like, I'm busy. I'm in the, I'm in like this headspace of like work, work, work. And he comes over and wants to touch me. Seriously? Now you want to touch me? Oh my god. Okay. We did past, we did present, and let's do future. What does the, what do the cards have in store
Jaina Lopez:for future? I don't know, let's see. Alright, this one. What responsibility do you want to take on one day? Could it be as simple as, like, I want to be a mom? Yeah,
Julia Salvia:that's the first thing I thought. Yeah. Yeah. I'll be a mom one day. That's it. It's a quite large, large responsibility. Yeah.
Jaina Lopez:Yeah. I need a house first. Mm hmm. I need to decorate said house. Mm hmm. I want to feel, um, financially secure. Yeah. Then I can have a little kid.
Julia Salvia:Do you think it's gonna look like you or Chandra's? Is it bad that
Jaina Lopez:I wanted to look like me? What does that
Julia Salvia:say about me? I think that's just your Leo Rising talking. Am I a narcissist? I think it's your Leo Rising talking. Saying that you just wanted to look like you. I've said that to Sean too and he looks so hurt when I say that. And he's like, it's because you don't want to look like me. You think I'm ugly. And I said, no, I don't. I just want the kid to look like me. I can't. I think, um, that's the first thing I thought of too. Responsibility kid. Yeah. I think I'd like the responsibility of a pet first, but. Yeah. That's a responsibility I genuinely would love right now. A child that's much better.
Jaina Lopez:Great. I'll bring Mahina next time. Yes, please. Maybe she'll win. We'll have a podcast.
Julia Salvia:Mahina podcast. Mahina podcast. We'll do like the ASMR!
Jaina Lopez:Yes, that's where
Julia Salvia:I
Jaina Lopez:was! They have like the little, the TikToks where like the dogs eat like carrots and
Julia Salvia:stuff. Yes, I've seen those. They put hats on them. Yeah.
Jaina Lopez:She has, she has, my dad bought her like a tactical vest. My dad's a cop. Yeah. He thinks things like this are cool. He, so a tactical vest, like literally what like army dogs. Canines wear and goggles like and she wore them. No, she didn't. Yep, so she can wear her goggles
Julia Salvia:Thank you so much janna for being here I appreciate you to the moon and back really because this was so great Of course, thanks for having me, of course, and you'll definitely be back. Yeah, i'll be back anytime. I'll live here I
Jaina Lopez:live here now
Julia Salvia:Tell everybody where they can find you one last time, um, and where they can find Deosa if they wanted to purchase the new and upcoming things. I'm gonna get there first, but you could try.
Jaina Lopez:So my social media is at Jaina Azalea, that's on Instagram, that's on TikTok, and then Deosa is at inner. deosa on Instagram, TikTok, and the website is inner deosa.
Julia Salvia:com. Perfect. Thank you so much. I appreciate you. Of course, appreciate you. Alright guys, I'll see you next week, same time, twelve o'clock eastern time on Sunday. Bye! Bye!
